A Stumble
by Rocks-my-socks
Summary: 1962. Caroline Brady loves her husband deeply, but between work and the pressures of taking care of their young family, she wonders what is left between the two of them. Enter Victor Kiriakis...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. I am just having some fun with them.

Author Note: Hi all – so this is one of the stories I began writing for NanoWrimo last month. It is basically a flash back fic and covers the year of Bo's birth. As such, this is going to be a Shawn/Caroline and Victor/Caroline fic with lots of Brady fluff (tiny Roman, Kimmie and Kayla are included– then eventually Baby Bo!) and a fair bit of angst (from the adults) along the way! Enjoy!

 **A Stumble**

' _ **I stumbled in my commitment – but I never stumbled in my love.' – Caroline Brady, 1986.**_

 **January, 1962**

 **Chapter 1**

Caroline Brady awoke to a dark room.

It was cold and she was not surprised. The middle of January was always cold in Salem.

Her ears pricked for a moment as she listened out for any sound of the kids waking up. Roman and Kimmie were down the hall and she wondered if one of the reasons she was awake in the darkness was because they were crying.

But there was no sound.

Her eyes adjusted to the darkness to where a crib stood next to her and Shawn's bed.

It was really beginning to be time for nine month old Kayla to be going in to the room with the other children but right then she was glad that she was with her.

Caroline rolled over in the bed and she was, again, not surprised to find it empty.

That was the reason she was so glad she had her daughter with her. If she did not then she would be all alone.

She had been asleep before Shawn came home the night before. The only indication that he had been in was pile of dirty clothes were the clean ones she had seat out for him had been.

She reached over to his side of the bed.

It was cold.

So it was well gone five.

Caroline ran a hand through her hair, got up, crept down stairs and put the kettle on. Part of her would have loved nothing more than to see the man she loved was still getting ready to go to work so that she might kiss him before he left the for the day.

But the life of a fisher men was hard and he was long gone.

Caroline switched the light on and boiled the kettle.

She too had a long day ahead of her, and it was nice to start it quietly. It would be one of the only periods of quiet she had that day. Even as she drank her coffee she was running through the washing which she had to do. She would have to make a start on making the kids room after Christmas and then she had a cleaning round at the end of the day when her sister in law Molly came about to watch the children.

She ran a hand down her neck. There were some days it was all she could do not to feel as if she was sixty instead of not even shy of thirty.

It was going to be her birthday the next month. She wondered if she was going to stop aching then or be aching more.

Perhaps then she was going to get to see her husband. That would be a joy to her. She and Shawn lived in the same house but the two of them never going to see one another. That was how it felt.

Asides Sunday, the one day a week which he took off. His day of rest. And even then it was not as it was when she and he were young.

They were parents now and old hats at it seeing as they had three children under the age of seven.

So Sundays were reserved for pray and for church and then Shawn used the one afternoon he was allowed off to play with Roman and to read to Kimberly and to cuddle their little Kayla.

And by the time that was done his brother Eric came over wanting to see his brother or young Molly would come for her advice.

And after all that Caroline was not so sure when they were meant to fit in a little time for their marriage. It certainly was not when they both fell into bed utterly exhausted by the week and what they had done with it on a Sunday.

She was beginning to think they were just not allowed to have one.

Which would not hurt but she had said yes to him because she loved him and she wanted to be married to him. More than anything.

But real life had set in fast for them.

And this was there life.

But then that was what he had promised her.

He was a hardworking man and he had never made any bones over it when they had been courting. She had known even then that he was the type of man to be up before the sun and in bed well after night had fallen.

He had promised her a life – not a fairy tale.

But sometimes she wished they could have both.

She pottered about in the kitchen taking a little time for herself until the first signs of life were audible from up above her.

Cooing.

That figured. She knew that Roman and Kimmie were tired from school at the moment. It was no wondered it got to them.

They were so little and they got up in the dark and it was not very light after they had got home from school…

The weather just then was not constructive for having a lot of energy and part of Caroline did not blame them for wanting to pull the covers over the heads every morning just then.

It did not seem to affect little Kayla in the same way though.

She woke up in a good mood come rain or shine, come slept or snow.

Honestly if Caroline could bottle what she had for the first of the family then she knew she would do it in a heartbeat.

She headed up stairs to see her girlie smiling as she rolled about in her crib and felt a little pang of sadness as she was once more faced with the truth and that truth was that her baby girl was not going to be a baby much longer.

As soon as she could she was going to be up on her feet and Caroline had a terrible feeling that once that happened there was going to be no stopping her.

Kimmie and Roman had wanted to explore when they had found there feet but she knew Kay was going to be worse.

A mother intuition told her that, she and Shawn were going to have to put everything they could up high and they were not going to be able to take her eyes off of her so that was more time which she was not going to get with Shawn.

"What a grump your old ma has woken up in today," she said as she reached into the crib and took her daughter in to her arms.

It was not like her to feel so deflated.

She guessed it was just – just a phase – and it was going to pass.

She looked down at her beautiful little blonde haired daughter.

Well, Kayla walking was going to happen and there was nothing she could about that. Even if she could do something about that then she knew she wouldn't.

But for just then she was a baby in arms.

Shew as her baby.

And she took her baby down stairs so that she was going to be able to give her breakfast before her big brothers and sister got up.

She found it was easier that way.

By the time the little one was up and dressed and down stairs she could hear that they were indeed feet on the floor above the two of them.

"Another day in the mad house is about begin, isn't it my sweet?" she said as she kissed her fore head.

And so it was.

Kimberly came down first having made a valiant effort to dress her self – she was an independent little lady, just like the all the Brady women were before her. But she had her skirt on back to front and her jump on inside out so there was going to need to be a little adjustment before she went to school.

And then Roman came down and he was more interested in his comic books and his baby sisters than he was about breakfast. He had got himself dressed with a great deal more success than Kimberly had but he was still not playing ball.

And so it came as no surprise that they left for school late, especially when Kayla got a little fussy after she was put in to the pram.

The nearer she got to her freedom the more she hated to be shut in.

"Be good, ok you two?" she said as she stood at the school gates. "Learn something!"

Her two children ran in, Roman to join the second graders and Kimberly to join the pre-schoolers.

As soon as she got there she was chatting away to her friends and Caroline could not help but smile.

When she had first taken her daughter to school Kimmie had wailed that she did not want to go and that if her Pop was there then he would not make her go.

Caroline doubted that somehow. Shawn would no doubt placate her better as their little one really was her Pop's girl but he was determined that the kids get an education. Caroline had had that opportunity but he had not. That just made him want it more for their babies.

But it did not make it any easier when Kimberly was crying or her daddy.

Caroline told herself it was not because she was not good enough but that was how it felt. Shawn was the one who was never their and yet he was also one the kids always wanted. Then once she had left her at school she felt awful or the rest of the day. May be she was a terrible mother…

She knew what she was doing was obeying the law. Having kept her off school, that would make her a terrible mother. But those days were over now and Kim was doing well in school and she was going to continue to do so, Caroline remaindered herself.

By the time she got back to the fish market and let a cranky Kayla out of the pram, the only child which she had to deal with was the one who was ready to go running off in a heartbeat if only her legs would allow it.

Still, once she had been on the floor for five minutes, Kayla's usual happy disposition returned to her.

And then her mother's days of chores begun. Caroline wondered what Shawn was doing just then. And if she had crossed his mind at all that day.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The doorbell was knocked on at six o'clock. For one mad moment Caroline allowed her heart to fill up with hope that it was going to be her husband come home to eat dinner with them. She saw the same hope in the eyes of her son as he looked over at the door.

Kayla and Kimmie carried on their colouring in but Caroline knew they were not going to be so for long if it was there papa behind the door. They would be tripping over themselves to get in to his lap.

But as she went to the door, she saw the body in the glass was all wrong.

Whoever it was behind that for it was not going to be the face which she wanted to see.

Upon opening the door, she had her suspicions confirmed as she was face with Victor Kiriakis.

He was a new fixture in their lives, having returned to town after a few years away.

They had known one another when they were young – all of them had, herself, Shawn and Victor. In fact, she and Victor had known one another very well. She supposed what he was really was an old flame… once upon a time, they had been sweethearts.

"Victor, how are you?"

The truth was she could not believe she had not thought of him sooner.

He had turned up when Shawn was out more than a few times lately and at first she had been quite, quite wary of it. They were in the past… she knew that. Caroline just wasn't sure Victor did.

While they were still getting to know him again the truth was she would have been comforted by the presence of her husband but from what she had been able to tell of late, Victor was still just an intelligent man who was looking for a bit of company… that was what she told herself. And they had always been able to provide each other with that, right from when they were teens.

It was not as if he had that kind of companionship at home. Certainly there was no wife to speak of at the moment, but she had no doubt that one day there very much was going to be a Mrs Kiriakis. He had a big house and he had to get lonely. No doubt he wanted to fill it with little heirs and princesses.

"Very well, thank you. I just wanted to come and see how my friends are doing."

X x x

Victor smiled.

Caroline had a small house and three small children to fill it and he hated himself for he knew that what he had said was lie.

Shawn had been a good friend to him over the years and he was a good man. Victor did not like to think that he was the most faithless friend that he had but there was not a lot he could do about that. He had not looked to fall in love with the wife of a fisherman but he had… he had done so long ago. She was good and sweet and everything that was light in his otherwise dark world. She was – she was different.

She always had been ever since they were young.

And as much as he wanted to be a good friend to Shawn he did not think he would be able to be now if he had tried… for he was still too in love with Caroline. The time he had spent away from Salem was meant to change that. It hadn't.

That was why he came to the house. Who was he kidding? That was the very reason he had returned to their hometown.

"Is it so hard to think I would come here to see you?" he asked.

She blushed a little – she was pretty when she blushed. Or ever prettier.

"Victor," she shook her head.

"What?"

"You know very well I am a married women."

But then, when had he ever allowed something like to stop him she thought.

Before long the two of them had lapsed in to easy conversation. Caroline became less and less aware that Shawn was not there as she subconsciously could not help but think how nice it was at the end of the day to be able to talk to another human being. Another _adult_ human being.

She loved her babies. They were everything to her. But they could not talk to her on the level which she craved.

It was nice to talk to a man too. She was with women in the day when she was not with the kids. She was either with Shawn's mother and sister or her own mother, who would come over and there were the other moms at the school or the women who came into the market.

And they were all lovely and great.

But there was something entirely different about being with a man.

She did not think she could put it into words and she was not even sure that she wanted too… she was only meant to put those of thoughts into words when they were about Shawn.

 _Shawn._

Her invisible husband whose ghost like presence seemed to haunt her.

He was there in her dreams and then not at all.

He was a touch of her cheek at night and a kiss on her brow in the morning.

And that was no husband at all.

That was the first time she was aware of just how _there_ Victor was. He was not some dream she had lost.

He was there and he was chatting with Roman when he came to the table and he was cuddling Kayla while Kimberly chattered on in her own little world about the day she had had at school.

It was almost the perfect end to the day for any family.

But it was not because Victor was not their family.

"Is Pop going to be home to say goodnight to us tonight?" Roman asked with hope in his voice at the end of the evening. It did not matter how tired the question became, he was always going to be hoping that that was going to be the day when Shawn came home to them…

Those days had happened in the past after all.

Victor turned away a little as he held on to baby Kayla.

As if for the first time, he was too being broken out of the fantasy that the five of them were the family.

Caroline shook her head. She really had to stop thinking like this.

"I am not expecting him, my dear, but it is not going to be long till it is Sunday again."

It was not big surprise that Sunday was consistently the kid's favourite day of the week.

"Right then, say goodnight to Mr Kiriakis. Kimberly, it is time to go upstairs, my darling."

She was always the child who was most restful of being sent upstairs before her Pop had got home.

Roman squeezed his mother's hand as he went passed her and crossed to his sister.

Caroline could not help but once more be grateful for her darling boy. There were days when she did not know what she would ever do without him and this was one of those days.

The little girl moaned to her brother as they left the room together and Caroline crossed to Victor.

"It is time for you to get to bed too, my love," she said as she picked up Kayla off his lap. "If I do not get her down soon them we are both going to be in for a horrible morning," she explained to Victor.

She did not want him to think she was kicking him out when he had come for company for no good reason.

She really did have to see to her little ones.

He nodded. "Well, we cannot have that."

He sighed as he ran a hand down the baby's chubby cheek.

"Good night Caroline," he bided her as he made his way to the door.

He had been just about out when he turned back to look at her, with Kayla in her arms.

Then it was Caroline had to turn away.

By the time the kids were asleep (Caroline had to stay in the kid's room for twenty minutes as Kim kept getting up when she left) it was fair to say their mother was fairly tired…

But for the first time in a long time she did not go right to bed herself.

She went downstairs and poured herself a glass of wine.

She knew she was going to be up early in the morning. And she knew she was going to regret not taking the chance to sleep when she could, but as she sat on the sofa downstairs all she could think was for the first time in a long time when she had felt Victor look at her…

She had felt young. His eyes had tracked her across the room and….

And she had thought thoughts which she had believed to be behind her. She had thought she was done with all of this when she had got married.

Her eyes crossed to the mantel piece where there was a picture of her and Shawn on their wedding day standing between their parents. It had seemed to her as if the world had been proud as punch of them that day. As if they really were one of those couples who were just meant to be from the start. He was the good man with the good work ethic and she was the good girl who wanted to give him a family to make it worthwhile.

They had just gone together and she remembered thinking too herself that was the day she was finally going to be able to grow up and put her childhood behind her… because as soon as she had said that 'she did', she had become a woman. A real woman.

And the two of them had a home and a baby on the way before long…

She had thought herself to be so grown up… but now she knew how wrong she had been.

Women were truly grown up and married did not let themselves have the thoughts which she was thinking then, she mused.

She sighed as she brought the wine glass to her lips, thinking how ridiculous it was that she still felt like a girl herself some days, even though she had two little girls of her own.

She knew she had to distract herself from these thoughts and was just going to pick up a book…

It was then that she heard the front door opened.

This was going to be a rare treat. She had not realised it had got so late.

She turned to watch as Shawn came in and then she felt truly guilty because it did not matter how much attention Victor had paid to her that day.

Because Shawn was her husband. And he was the only that she loved. And as soon as he was in the house he drove out thoughts of all and any other men.

As she watched him take his boots of she felt her heart break for him a little. She knew when she was telling the kids that their Papa was not going to be home, the truth was their Papa would like nothing more than to be home with them.

And that day she was sure that went doubly so, as he looked as if he was done in, having worked flat out. It was not often she could see just how tired he was but that night it was naked to her eye.

Shawn had deep bags under his eyes. She had not seen them in the dark of her bedroom the night before but if she was any judge of these things, she now knew that the week was not going his way and he was having a hard time dealing with that.

When they had got married, he had told her stories about when he had been a young boy. She was sure her father in law worked just as hard for his family as his son now did for his own but there had been times when he had failed to put dinner on the table. No doubt it had broken his heart but as a result of that, her own husband had sworn that his kids were never going to go without food in their bellies and shoes on their feet too.

As he took his second boot off, he stopped for a moment and she knew he was thinking deeply. May be a little too deeply.

She got up off of the coach.

As soon as she did that his face turned up. By the expression of his face then he was thoroughly expecting the noise to have been made an intruder in their house and she knew he would not tolerate that. She saw how ready he was to fight off any one to protect their family. But when he saw her he softened and he looked very much like her Shawn.

He was her Shawn.

"Stand down sweetheart."

"Now what in the world are you doing still up? You should be in bed…"

"Can't a wife wait up for her husband once in a while…" She asked playfully.

A smile spread across his face and then it feel from it. He walked right to her and wrapped her up in his arms.

It felt good to be there. She knew this was where she belonged. Even when she had been thinking of Victor she had known this was her place.

As she kissed his cheek, her suspicions he had had a hard week were confirmed. He was holding her just a little too tight.

"Well, apparently she can and I am so glad you did," he said as he kissed her forehead before he drew back. "You're a sight for sore eyes." He murmured as he pressed his lips to her forehead again.

"But to my eyes you just look sore."

He shrugged. "Well you know there are peaks and troughs… we just have to wait for another peak."

"If you survive that long. Shawn, you look utterly exhausted! You have to take care of yourself… or at the very least, you have to let me take care of you."

"I am ok. Nothing a sleep at the weekend won't put right," he promised as he put an arm about her. She leaned into him but could not help but think there was something which he was not telling her by the look in his eye.

The thing which she had allowed herself to forget when he was out the house, was that deep down they were not just man and wife but they were the very best of friends too… which meant she knew him and she knew when he was not being as honest as he could be with her.

She swore then and there that she was going to keep a closer eye on him. He was her husband and beyond precious to her.

When they were this close it was only too easy to remember that.

"How were my little darlings today?" he asked.

"They were tiring. Roman came home with his uniform a mess from the football game he was playing at lunch time and Kimmie was doing painting at kindergarten so she was a mess and I have spent the day terrified that the minute I turn my back, Kayla is going to up on her feet and start heading towards the first pointy object which she can find. Asides from that, they were wonderful."

She heard him chuckle softly and released the troubles which she had to deal with when it came to the kids on a daily basis were the stuff of his day dreams.

No doubt he would love to have those worried more often.

"They're a grand bunch."

She knew if they were there right then, then he would berate the older two for getting mucky and cuddle Kayla to within an inch of her life. But they were in bed and he had missed another day of their childhoods which he was not going to be able to get back.

She cupped his cheek.

"They are. We are raising quite the family, Shawn Brady."

"Yes, we are. But no more for a while, eh? I think there are enough little Brady's getting in a mess at the moment."

And there were enough little Brady mouths to feed as well, she thought to herself.

"Well, that'd be nice. Let's get Kayla to kindergarten before we give her a new baby brother or sister shall we?"

"Aye. Let's just enjoy the riches which we do have."

"Oh I do," she reassured him. She really did.

Caroline had not realised they had stopped in front of the fire place till they had.

She looked into the care worn face of his husband, illuminated as it was by the flames. And for a moment the cares just feel off of it. He looked like the man she had married.

And the two of them were young.

Some things were still possible and even though they had both agreed that they were not going to be having any more kids for a while… that was not to say that they could not be together till they wanted another.

He cupped her face in his hands.

"You're so beautiful. I don't tell you enough, darling…"

And she felt like it. For the first time in a long time.

He was so busy working and she was so busy being a mom but right then she felt as if as if she was just his wife.

And she had missed that.

He took her hand and led her up the stairs.

Caroline felt a thrill which she had not done in too long.

As they walked up the stairs, they looked in on the kids.

The two bigger ones were tucked up in bed and they looked as if they were snug as bugs in little rugs.

Shawn felt his heart ache a little at the fact that this was how he got to spend the majority of time with his kids. But it was just for now he promised himself. Maybe in a few years, he and Caroline would have managed to get a little nest egg together and they were going to take more trips together. And he was going to have a few more afternoon off.

That was going to be nice.

He walked into the room and kissed both of his children on the forehead gently.

"Good night and God bless." He murmured before he turned back to his waiting wife.

He did not know if she was going to be annoyed at him for breaking the moment which the two of them had been having down stairs (and it was a very lovely moment) but she was looking at him as if he had hung the moon which was just the way that he liked her looking at him.

With that, he took her hand once more and they headed into their room.

And he knew it was not going to be long before the moment was once more being prolonged.

But he had one more good night to say before all of that.

"And did you behave yourself my little darling?" he asked as he leant in to Kayla crib. "Of course you did," he murmured as he brushed a kiss to her forehead. "God bless you."

Somehow, in spite of all the time he had to spend away from the kids and the time he wished he had with them, moments like these with two of his best girls… it was all worth it thought Shawn.

He would work as hard as he had to keep a roof of over all of their heads. To make the market a success…

Caroline kissed him for a moment, their lips lingering.

"I am just going to go freshen up," Caroline said. "You get comfortable."

He nodded, took her advice and got on to the bed.

By the time that Caroline return to her room her wished she could have been surprised by what she found.

She wasn't.

Shawn had got very comfortable by the sounds of things and was now breathing in and out evenly, looking very peaceful as he slept.

She looked in on Kayla who was still fast asleep and then got in to the bed next to her husband, laying her head on his chest.

Well they had had a little time together.

And for that night it was enough.

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	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

At last Sunday arrived in the Brady household and no one moved from their bed until six thirty had come and gone.

If it was up to Caroline, then they would all be in bed for a lot longer but neither Shawn's nor the children's body clock would allow it.

It was as her husband had been moving about getting his dressing gown on that he had first heard there youngest daughter stir. Caroline was pleased he leant into the crib and begun quietly murmuring to Kayla, and then lifted her up and took her out the room.

She could lie in for a while at least.

X x x

Shawn boiled the kettle as he looked in front of the fireplace to where his two little girls were playing together.

Just as he had been about to head back downstairs with Kayla in his arms, Kimberly had opened the door to the room she shared with her brother and gone with them.

"And how are you girlies today?" he had asked as Kim had indicated she too wanted up in his arms.

They still had three hours before church and he could not think of a better way to begin the morning.

A little time on his own with his girls was a blessing to him.

He laughed at Kim's antic as he kept Kayla close to him. As soon as he had got them both a drink and made his own tea, Kayla had crawled back over to him and into his arms. His littlest daughter, in a very odd turn of events, had come round slowly that day and she was more than willing to just cuddle.

"How are you, my lovelies?" he asked again as Kim showed him a picture book that he had brought for Roman years before hand.

He smiled softly at Kimberly, kissing her forehead.

When Roman had been born he had been so strong. Kayla too from the start had been a picture of health.

Kimberly, on the other hand, had been premature.

There was no reason for it. Caroline had had a good, easy pregnancy up till the night of her labour. Then their little girl had come into the word when she had been inside her mother for just thirty two weeks.

She was not born as early as some and thank god she had been strong enough to survive but… but there had been an awful moment when Shawn had thought – well, it did not mattered what he had thought.

It hadn't come to pass.

And so if he was a little protective of his little one he did not think anyone could blame him, he mused as Kimmie settled herself into the crook of his arm.

He sat on the couch and he read the book to the two girls softly. Half way through the story the soft padding of another pair of feet behind him to him the girl's big brother was up.

Roman sat on the sofa, hair sticking out every which way it could and with sleep in his eyes still. With his three little ones about him, Shawn's day of rest begun. And he thought it did so in the best way it possibly could.

X x x

 **One week later…**

The Sunday before, when Shawn had got up with his girls, had gone peacefully. It was like the Sundays that the Brady's were used to.

Yet the next one did not just go right.

In spite of the fact that it was their routine, getting up earlier seemed to play with the kids in a way it did not normally and by the time they got to church they were decidedly ratty.

The Catholic faith was central to both Caroline's and Shawn's upbringing. In fact, Caroline could remember a young Shawn in short trousers when they had been at St Luke's. Therefore, it had passed without discussion between them that their faith would hopefully play the same role in their children's upbringing. Maybe they would find their own future spouse in the house of god.

And so Mass was an integral part of their family life. It was a time to be together, to reflect on the week and to give thanks for all the blessings which they had received during it.

Thus, neither of them liked it when the kids played up in church. Which was just what they did that day.

Roman complained of boredom, Kimmie whinged she was hungry after refusing to eat her breakfast and just to top it off, their good child, their daughter who rarely cried, their lovely little Kayla, shrieked in her mother's arms throughout the service.

It was as if the three Brady children had planned it.

By the time the service came to an end, Shawn and Caroline both found that there nerves were somewhat frayed.

They had got the kids home and for a while the three of them had played nicely together. Until they didn't. Roman was put on the naughty step, Kimmie in time out and Kayla just cried for no reason.

Again.

It was no great surprise to her husband that Caroline was glad when it was time for dinner as that meant the day was at last coming to an end.

That was when the day took a turn for the worse, if that was possible. Shawn was clearly still tired from the working week and he had had hardly any sleep at the end of it and…

And now the kids were badgering him, after a day of complaining.

He had been trying to get them settled for dinner and the minute he got one child at the table and sorted, another ran off. Thus, when Roman knocked his drink off the table and all over Kayla…

There had been yelling.

"What on earth did you think you were doing, you stupid lad?"

"Dad it was an acci –"

"I do not want to hear that, you idiot!"

Roman had been sent to his room, in tears after the tongue lashing by his father which had of course sent the two girls off sobbing.

And for all the fact she knew he was tired and he was working so hard for them, Caroline felt she could not keep her mouth closed. Having seen Roman's arm catch the drink, she knew he did not mean for it to have happened.

It was the injustice of it all. The children waited all week to spend the day with their father.

Then when they all got to be together, none of them were in a good enough mood to enjoy it.

"All they wanted to do was have a little time with you today and you could not even give them that." She said a once she had come back down the stairs.

"Caroline, you know what they've been like today – for god sakes, you cannot blame that on me!"

She had gone up to comfort Roman with the girls and whilst she did not like to leave the elder two with the responsibility of their baby sister, she was not going to have Kayla downstairs to see them yelling at each other. Not when she could be having a perfectly nice time with her brother and sister as the three of them begun to pick themselves up a little.

Dinner was going to be tense and they should not have had to sit through that.

That was the best thing about children Caroline had learnt in her time as mother. No matter what had gone on somehow they always found the strength to put their shoulders back take a deep breath and move forward. For which her husband should be grateful, as it meant no matter what he said to them when he was in a bad mood he was always going to get them back.

But she did not know if she was so resilient.

She had not been sure for a while just then.

For what it was worth Shawn did look as if he was more than a little bit sorry. She just was not sure it was worth that much at all right then.

"That boy is so clumsy."

"What that boy is the biggest support you are ever going to have in this life Shawn Brady," she corrected him as she felt the tears well in her own eyes. "He looks at you as his best friend! And, yes, the three of them were difficult today but that is no excuse."

She hated this. She hated it when the two of them were at odds.

She remembered the other night, when the two of them had come so closer to being be close again. She had been so desperate to be close to him…

Suddenly, she did not feel that for him at all. It did not matter how hard he worked for the in that moment.

All she saw was a man who yelled at his kids and feel asleep when his wife wanted to be with him.

He did not appreciate her. Or them.

There was not a blessing in this life for which he was grateful and no matter how hard the voice in her head yelled that that was not the case, that she was over exaggerating, that she was letting that day get the better of her, (not unlike he had) she did not feel as if she was able to shut it off.

"I did not mean to yell at him. I will go and say sorry in a minutes, we'll turn the day about."

But for some reason she did not feel as if it was going to be that simple for them to just get the day back on track… mainly because she was not sure that was what she even wanted.

In fact she knew it was not, as she was able to feel something which was as hot as lava burning through her skin right then and she knew it was her blood. It was boiling.

They were not going to get that day back, were they? The one day a week when she felt they could be a real family. And no matter what else happened right then she felt it was ruined.

They weren't going to capture the magic of just being together again that day so she did not know what the point of any of it was.

In fact she did not see any point at all.

She headed to their door and got her coat.

"Caroline, come on now, where are you going?"

"Anywhere that I can get five minutes peace!"

X x x

Caroline as not sure how or why she had gone to the local goodtime once she had run out of the house.

On the rare times she and Shawn had fought seriously before, she had always gone to a friend or to her mother. That was where she should have gone that night she mused as she poured something which was akin to fire down her neck.

This was not like her. She did not even feel like herself.

She felt like she was someone else altogether.

And she was not sure if she liked it or not.

She was a mom. And she was a wife. But when she was here she was just another young women looking for a good time.

Once she had had another shot she made her way over to the dance floor.

There was a voice in her head which said it was not going to be as fun as it would be if she had someone she loved right there with her but she was not going to let that stop her that night.

She had tried to have fun with someone who she loved all day and it had not worked out.

This was her time.

She had not been on the dance floor for too long when a man came over to join her.

Part of Caroline was flattered. It was nice to know that to someone at least she was not just a mother. She was not just someone to look after the kids and cook the dinner as if she was some kind of unglorified maid.

She was a women when she was here. She was a women to be desired, or at least that was what it felt like.

"My name is Mark!" he said over the sound of the music which was playing. They had been dancing… she guessed, flirting for a while when he told her.

"Molly," she replied.

The lie came off of her tongue far too easily.

She hated that.

It was as if the name she had given had given him confidence though. And the next thing she knew his hands were on her hips.

And then she did remember who she was and she hated this.

She moved backwards trying to laugh. The last thing she wanted to do was cause a scene...

She was known in this town. And she was known as the wife of Shawn Brady.

For the first time since she had left the house she wished her husband was there. She did not like to think of his reaction to seeing her like that but she did not want this man's hands all over her. He would make it stop.

She knew that.

She tried to back away.

This was not what she wanted after all.

"Ahh come on Miss Molly, don't be a tease…" the man said as he pulled her close.

And then she felt as if she was given the chance then she could be indigent.

But she had come out for a good time…

"I – I can't – my boyfriend -" just the word tasted awful in her mouth.

What had she been so mad about?

"Oh, come on, I am sure he would not mind a pretty girl like you having fun even if he was not here to give it to you."

He did not know her boyfriend - husband - at all. Shawn would mind very much indeed.

"Please stop!"

"It's ok darling," he said as he held on to her. "Just relax."

But it was not ok.

None of it was ok.

"I suggest you take your hands off of my wife."

The words came from behind her and for a moment she thought it was Shawn.

Just the words which were said filled with her with regret and fear and so much love that she thought she could burst.

Because he had to come to get her.

Had that been what she had wanted all along when she had left the house?

She was not sure but it felt as if it would have been her goal just then… Yet as the words replayed in her head she felt her heart drop a little as she came to the realisation that her husband was not there. The words, as beautiful as they were, had not been spoken with an Irish accent and so the way that her heart had responded to them was irrational.

She had to turn around she knew and thank this kind stranger for coming to her rescue.

But the man was not a stranger.

She came face to face Victor Kiriakis.

And she did not think he could look more angry by what he was seeing right then if he was her husband.

"I did not know!" Mark said as he put up his hands and backed out as one would back away from a wild animal that was bearing his teeth.

"We're leaving." He growled in her ear.

That was when he was beginning to play the jealous spouse too well.

"Victor, what on earth do you think you are doing?" Caroline asked him as he all but dragged her out of the club by the top of her arm.

"I think I am getting you out of a stupid situation which you put yourself in. Honestly, Caroline, what did you think you were playing at?" he asked as he looked at her.

The question hit her at the same time that the cold air from outside did.

And she had been drinking.

And it was all spinning around in her head.

The fight she had had with Shawn and the moment he had made their son cry.

The entire week of bills and work and loneliness.

And then she had had to put up with a man she barely knew touching her.

She had not gone to the bar for that… she had just gone to get a bit of distance from her life.

That was all she had wanted.

And for a split moment she had thought something was going to happen to her.

"I do not know." She said as she looked at Victor.

It did not matter to her just then that he had to put his hands on her because if he had not come she didn't like to think what could have happened to her. He was her friend.

He had come to her in the middle of the week when she had been sad and on her own and had been longing for Shawn.

He had been there for the kids and he had cuddled her daughter when she had needed someone too.

He had laughed with Roman.

"I have no idea," she admitted as tears begu

n to fall on to her cheeks. She was so foolish. She was so embarrassed he had been the one to catch her in there when she had been parading around as if – she shut her eyes.

She did not want to see in his eyes what he thought of her now.

For the man in the bar she had felt revulsion.

But she did not feel like that about Victor and it made her sick that she didn't. Because she shouldn't want any man's arms about her but her husbands.

But when Victor held her just then it felt as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

As if she had been waiting a long time to end up in his arms.

She shut out the voice that screamed at her, wondering what she was doing as she snuggled into her friend. He was there for her just then and that was enough she decided.

She needed this. Him.

"I am so sorry."

She wanted him to be able to see her as Caroline the mother who had it together. She did not wish for him to see how much she was falling apart.

He pulled back for a moment and she was determined to keep in her memory for just another moment the way he had looked at her before this … this mess.

Her eyes sort the floor.

"Caroline," he called her name. She knew he was all but ordering her to look at him.

But she could not.

He was the last person she had. He was the one who had come.

And if he lost all the respect he had had for her then she did not think she was able to take it.

But that was when she had cause to remember that you did not say no to Victor Kiriakis.

He put a finger under her chin and made her look at him.

And when she did she felt herself lose her breathe again because she was sure as soon as she looked into his eyes that he did not hate her. She did not understand why he did not given all she had done…

What were his words – a foolish situation?

But there was only warmth there when she looked into his eyes. And a tenderness which she had not sought, nor did she think she deserved.

He moved his finger from her chin and she did not look away. Just a second ago she was sure that she would have but she didn't.

His hand found its way on to her cheek and his thumb caressed the skin their tenderly, rubbing back and forward back and forward.

It felt so good. It was gentle and it was kind.

She remembered just earlier that week when her husband had touched her thusly.

But she did not want to think about that.

All she wanted to think about was the hand on her cheek and the man who was in front of her.

He was a good man. He scared her but he was a good man.

And… and he was – he was kissing her.

His mouth was on hers and she – she was not pushing him away.

He was not her husband. He had his lips on hers and…

She did not want him to stop.

That was the last thing that she wanted.

She leant up on her tip toes and put her arms about him…

And his hands were on her and they were pulling her closer.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Caroline stood in the cold night air, kissing Victor Kiriakis.

Oh god, it was going to be so easy to get lost in him, she thought to herself … and she was going to be able to forget Shawn and the kids. But then not so... because they were in her mind, even as she tried to forget…

Throughout the night it occurred to her right then that she had barely been able to take her mind off of them.

And that was only right and fitting because she was a wife and a mother. Their wife and mother.

And she was stumbling now. She was breaking her vows.

She stepped back.

X x x

Victor had known it was not going to last.

He had known he was not going to be lucky enough to have Caroline Brady in his arms for longer than five seconds.

He did not get that.

But it was enough. It was enough to prove everything that he had begun to know and understand about himself.

For the first time ever… he begun to be ready to admit to himself… the truth.

He loved her. And not just because she was beautiful. There were so many reasons asides that.

Part of the reason he loved her was because of her dignity and her honesty.

Two things which he had nearly taken from her then.

"I am a married women." She said to him. They both knew that but…

He reached out to take her hands in his but she pulled back. Had it not been just two minutes ago she had been receptive to his affection?

"Caroline –"

But she was no longer listening. The only thing which she felt as if she was able to hear was the sounds of her own voice telling her that she was a mess.

"Let me take you home," he all but begged for he did not wish for her to be out this late of night when she was not feeling like herself.

But her hand was already in her hair, safe from his reaching out for hers and then she turned and she ran. And she ran. And she ran.

And she did not stop until she was at her own front door fumbling to get the key into the lock.

X x x

Shawn had been sitting at the table when he heard the key in the door.

The evening had not been easy for him.

After his wife had runout, he had been racked with guilt as he had thought of the way… the way he had driven her out that day. He had been a bad tempered fool and he had known that, even when he had been doing it. A voice in his head had said he was being stupid…

He had been yelling and spoiled when he should have been loving and tender.

The house had fallen strangely silent after she had left and it had stayed thusly for a while.

He had sat and he had thought and he had waited. And he had hoped she was going to come back.

But she had not…

The first sign of life that returned to the Brady house was his son creeping down the stairs.

Roman had come to the door and Shawn was sure for a moment he saw his boy tremble a little.

He certainly waited before he approached him. Never before had that happened.

He had not only failed as a husband that day – he had failed as a father on a much worse scale. He was utterly ashamed of himself.

"Where is mama?" Roman asked.

It was clear to Shawn that was who he wanted and not just because of the fact he had asked for her.

After the way he had treated his family that day he had no right to expect his son to want him to do anything for him.

"She has gone out for a walk lad. What can I do you for?" he said softly.

Roman shrugged from the door.

Shawn nodded, wondered over to him careful not to go to close and knelt down in front of his son that he was going to be able to look him in the eye. He had to do that if the boy was going to see how repentant his silly old pop was.

"I want you to know just how sorry I am for what I said. You are not clumsy. You're the best lad in the whole world. You just have a very – very foolish pop. Can you forgive me, Roman?"

It broke Shawn's heart further to see how swift his son was to forgive.

If it was any other boy then he had no doubt that he was going to have to work for every smile for the next week but as it was even then, his son rushed towards him so the two of the could share an embrace and put the whole sorry mess behind them.

One down and three to go.

His girls, as he could have predicted, took longer to come round to him once more. His best and his brightest watched him as if he was a kettle about to boil over and kept her distance.

That hurt – as a punishment, he had thought Caroline's anger was the worse he could face.

He was wrong. Kimmie's distance trumped it.

As soon as Kimberly had ate the dinner which he was able to fix for her, she ran straight back to the room which she shared with her brother and very uncharacteristically begun getting ready for bed early.

Kayla stayed with her father downstairs until she went to sleep but every time her siblings came in and out of the room she kept her eyes on the door, no doubt looking for her mother to come and get her.

Shawn cursed himself.

And he would continue to do so.

It had gone eleven o'clock before he heard Caroline's key in the door.

He got up off of his seat and he rushed to the door to greet her.

The hall way was dimly lit but as soon as she came through the door he could see that she was crying.

An alarm bell went off inside of him. He liked to think the two of them knew each other better than they knew themselves and he did not think this was just about the argument which they had.

But he also appreciated the fact he was skating on very thin ice and if they had any chance at all of making up before they went to bed, then he had to be very careful about what he said.

x x x

Almost as he came into view Caroline expected Shawn to yell at her… and this time with good reason.

She wandered if he knew just by looking at her that she had betrayed the vows she had made to him when they had been so much younger. She felt as if she had been _a lot_ younger than she had thought she was when she had said 'I do' all of a sudden.

If he had roared at her, yelled at her, shouted at her… anything would have been preferable than the look he gave her just then.

One of complete apology.

And relief.

"Are you ok?" he asked softly, his Irish accent punctuating every word… somehow more so than normal. "I was so worried about you."

For the second time that evening she burst in to tears.

And for the second time that evening a man took her in his arms.

But this time it was not illicit.

And she knew she had nothing in the world to feel guilty for being in Shawn's arms. Being in Victor's was a different story.

"Ahh, where have you been love? I am so sorry. I am so sorry."

She shook her head. She was the one who was sorry.

But they were the words she could not find. She did want to find them as if she did then she knew she was going to lose him.

And she could not do that. Ever.

That day had been bad. It had been really bad. But they were married and they were best friends and they were parents. And as he ran his hands through her hair soothingly, Caroline leaned into his touch. She had needed this. She really had.

But she had also needed Victor. That thought made her sob more. And that made Shawn comfort her more.

And it was such a vicious circle.

By the time midnight came and a new week dawned, Shawn was still wide awake as was his wife.

The two of them lay side by side in their bed.

They had not yet really talked about the day – or the night – and it did not seem as if they were going to.

For that, Caroline was grateful. If he put her crying down to the drink, to their fight, then that was fine.

She breathed in and she breathed out as she tried to come to terms with the fact she had been unfaithful to him.

No matter what he had done that day what she had done was much worse.

And there was no way she was going to be able to take it back.

"I do love you – so much."

"Oh, darling I love you too," he said thickly in response. He shut his eyes and kissed her forehead and held her tight.

She could hear him promising her he was never going to behave toward her and the kids as he had done that day again.

But all she could do was think about the one kiss which she had not shared with him.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Caroline did not know if it was the guilt which had stopped him going to work, but that Monday morning Shawn was still at home when she woke up.

Normally he would have taken the boat out hours ago - but that day it was different.

And she was both glad and not glad about it. The latter because she felt as if she needed some time to come to terms with everything which had happened the night before… and the former because she did not know how on earth she would have got the kids to school on time if she had not had him there to do it.

Shawn took over that task that morning.

That left Caroline to deal just with Kayla as she got herself up for the day.

The school goers left by half past eight and by quarter to nine Caroline was downstairs.

She had managed to get herself dressed before she had come down to find some head ache tablets (a sure achievement) and now sat on the sofa with a glass of water and a cup of tea in front of her trying to decide which one to go for.

The tea.

On the floor, Kayla was playing.

Lost in her own little world and it did not take her mother long to get lost in her own as she looked at her.

She promised herself there and then she was always going to stay close with this strong willed little daughter of hers.

Kayla was right then stacking blocks, one top of the other. She was a smart little cookie and she knew she had to try and marry the surfaces together to get them to go high, but she was not yet steady enough to get it to work.

But she was not giving up.

Caroline had a feeling if she let her stay there on the mat then she was going to be content to try and stack her blocks all day.

She was so much like her father then it broke Caroline's heart.

Shawn never gave up. He never gave in. No matter how little thanks he had got. No matter how dog tired he felt, he still put in as much energy to raising a family and providing for them as Kayla tried to with the blocks she was stacking right then.

Another face came in to her mind as someone knocked on the door.

Someone else who was determined.

Someone who would not give up and even as she approached the door she knew who was going to be there when she opened it.

She took a deep breath and then for the second time in just over twelve hours found herself looking in to the eyes of Victor Kiriakis.

"You shouldn't be here." She said to him feeling her heart pump a little faster.

Shawn could come back at any moment.

"You cannot expect me not to come and check on you after last night." He said as he pushed passed her through in to the living room.

He looked around and saw that the one person who was there to bear witness to their conversation was unable to betray them.

Then he turned to her.

She spoke first. "Last night was a mistake."

They were the most predicable five words which Victor had thought he had ever heard. Especially when both of them knew they were a lie.

What had happened between them was right.

"Don't say that –"

"I drank too much!"

"God damn it women stop lying to yourself!"

Caroline took a deep breathe before she looked him right in the eye.

Well, she had guts – he would give her that.

"I had just had a huge fight with Shawn."

It was not a lie and it was not an excuse.

There was nothing in the world that could excuse what she did.

But it was her only defence when it came to him and it was a feeble one.

Because even she could hear it in her voice that - that there was something more there, something which she wished was not.

"And now the two of you have kissed and made up you are going to forget about it?"

"I am a married a women and a mother."

"That you may be – but you are also much more than that."

That was how he had made her feel the previous night and that was what she had needed to hear. She loved being both of those things – she also wanted to be more.

It was too late by the time that she masked her emotions.

He had seen behind the barrier and he had seen the way she felt.

Just the week before, when he had come to see her, without her husband being in the house, it had been such an innocent thing. She had not minded it so much because he was a friend and she had trusted him.

She had even let him hold her precious babies.

But now it was different. It could never be the same.

Because as she looked up into his eyes she saw a whole different kind of danger which had not been there before.

Last week she had not -

He put his hands on her shoulders but she shrugged him off, crossed the floor the floor and picked her up her daughter who protested loudly as she was separated from her toys.

But what her mother needed right then was for someone to ground her and to remind her just who saw was.

And the only one who could do that was the baby girl.

She reminded Caroline of the goodness of her father and she reminded her she had to be true to that.

She had to think badly of Victor for it was the only way she which she was going to be able to defeat this feeling in her which said she did not want to do that.

Victor was a criminal.

When it came to being a good man Shawn was worth ten of Victor.

But just then she felt as if she was a moth drawn to a flame.

She swallowed.

She had always looked down on women who did this, who had these types of thoughts.

It wasn't right.

"Caroline."

She shook her head.

She did not want to do this.

She did not want to ruin everything.

And if she could change the way she felt then she would.

"I can't do this."

She turned to look at him and he felt his stomach drop.

God he did not know what it was about her. As god as his witness he had never felt like this before and he did not want to feel like that right then.

It did not make sense, none of it made any sense.

Men like Shawn Brady felt like this.

Men such as himself did not and not for women like Caroline.

If she was a single women then maybe he would have been able to love her and leave her. Maybe it was the fact she was forbidden to him by the vows of her marriage that made him want her as much as he did.

But he knew that was a lie. No matter how or when they had met he would have felt this way about her…

He was sure of it.

"You are so beautiful."

The words were out his mouth before he could stop them.

How was he meant to think otherwise when she looked up at him with her big doe eyes, holding her baby close as she did so.

The door opened just then and she was glad of it.

She did not want this to go on for any longer then it had to.

"How are you feeling darl – oh Victor, now this is a surprise." Shawn said as he took his coat off.

It was clear the businessman was surprised too.

"Good morning Shawn."

"What brings you to this part of the woods?"

Caroline drew in breathe.

She should have hurried Victor out when she had had a chance.

But now the two of them were in the same room… she had no chance to and she felt sick.

"I just came to see how you all were. It is lucky I did. Caroline looks as if she has been better."

"Now don't you start like that Kiriakis. Caroline looks as pretty as a picture, like she always does," said Shawn as he crossed to her side, kissing her forehead and rook their little girl in his arms.

Kayla had clearly forgotten all about the night before as well as her staking blocks, choosing to busy herself with trying to grab at her father's nose.

Shawn chuckled as he kissed her.

"Did the other two get off to school ok?"

"Aye, they were grand," Shawn reassured his wife with a smile. He turned back to Victor. "Well, the truth of it is Caroline is a little peaky. So I am home today to take care of this little bundle of energy while my lovely wife puts her feet up."

 _My lovely wife…_

Victor felt his blood boil and he was not sure why. Except he knew exactly why. It was because he was the one who wanted to be able to say that about her.

He had never want to marry before. No one but her, anyway…

It figured that when he finally found a women who he did want to be true to she would already be another's…

A man who called him friend.

Shawn was blissfully unaware as these thoughts spun about in his head.

He was cooing at his daughter, telling her how glad he was to have a rare day home with her and her mother and how he was going to take care of them all day.

As long as Shawn was there, then there was nothing for him…

Victor would return another day…

"I think that sounds like a very good idea," said Victor as he kept his eyes on Caroline.

So preoccupied by his little daughter was Shawn that he did not even notice.

Caroline seeing there was a way out there too turned to Kayla and kissed her on the forehead, cooing with Shawn over her, wishing that their little one was going to remember this day.

There were only going to be a handful of days in her childhood when she got both of her parents to herself and she knew she cherished the days when she had that privilege with one of her parents...

Let alone both.

She felt shame rise up in her once more as she considered what her mother and father would say about the night before.

That was not the way she had been brought up.

Her mother and she had been close but they would not be if she knew the truth.

Caroline knew that.

"Caroline?" she heard Shawn call her and was shaken out of her thoughts.

It was only then that she became aware he had been speaking to her.

"Oh I am sorry, dear," she said as she shook her head. "I was miles away."

"So I see," he said gently as he passed Kayla back to her. "Why don't you two girls go and sit down together and I will bring a fresh pot of tea over?" he asked.

Caroline nodded. That was a good idea.

She busied herself with the baby while she listened to Shawn showing Victor out.

"We will see you soon," said Shawn. "Bye now."

"See you soon. Goodbye, Caroline."

She called out in reply but did not turn to him, keeping her focus on Kayla.

She and her siblings were all the world to her. And she was not going to tear their world apart.

"My beautiful daughter," she murmured softly.

All in all she was just relieved when she felt Victors eyes stop boring in to her.

From that moment on she was sure she was going to be able to do what she wanted to do and that was the to spend the day with the love of her life and the little life which they had created.

Nothing more and nothing less.

The day – unlike the one before – went off without a hitch. Maybe it was the effect of them all being so unhappy before but Shawn was as good as gold and he did just what he said he was going to when they had got up that morning. He looked after his wife – which in a way made her feel worse and not better about the previous day. It seemed unbelievable to her that he thought he was the one who had done the real harm but then there was no way she could tell him without risking their entire way of life.

The life which she loved and the one she was not going to give up.

Shawn spent the day doting on her and on Kayla, making his Irish stew to help her feel better for lunch. She watched as he read their little girl a story and then took her upstairs to put her down for her nap, cuddling her close for a long time before he put her down. Yes, she knew he had spent the day home to be with her but she knew the day with their darling daughter was a blessing to him too.

Except on the weekend, he never got to do the things she did every day. He never got to put the kids down for their naps.

And he was a good father. He was. He cherished the days when he got to do all the little things with their beauties and he was so terribly dear.

"I do love you," she said.

It was not long since she had reminded him of that fact… just the night before she had said the words. She wondered if it was too soon to say it again and if she was had given herself away.

But he did not pick up on it.

Instead he smiled at her softly and returned the sentiment.

He thought about the way she was with the children a thousand times a day and he thought how much he loved her for the way that she mothered their little ones. The thought she loved him because of the way he was with the kids made him burst with pride.

He stroked down Kayla's baby locks and kissed her forehead, before he turn to his wife and grinned, this time a little more playfully.

Just last week he had come home and the two of them had come so close to being together.

Now their baby was asleep and their older children were at school. Caroline took his hand and led him to the bed.

It was the look in his eye which said all she needed to know.

And this time she promised herself there was go to be no falling asleep on either of their parts.

This was what she needed, Caroline mused as her husband gently put his arms around her. If the two of them could just be together then it was going to put an end to all the nonsense and none of it was going to matter. Just as long as they were able to focus on each other and be man and wife for just a moment.

Shawn kissed her sweetly – he always he did. He was gently and kind.

And she disgusted herself at that moment by comparing his kiss with the one she had had the night before.

Victor had been so passionate.

He had cupped her face and he had pulled her close and she had been unable to think about the last time she had felt as wanted as she had right then.

Right there, that moment had been perfect.

She was once more drawn out of her thoughts by Shawn clearing is throat.

He was looking at her with a strange look in his eye… as if he wanted her desperately, but could not have her and as if he knew there was a wall between them.

She knew that should never be the case.

"Oh darling, I am sorry," she said as she nuzzled into him, refocusing as she placed kisses down his neck.

She cupped his face and pulled him close and the magic she had felt not long before returned.

But she could not change the feeling he knew something was different between them.

It was.

And she was beginning to think it was irretrievable, even as she lay with Shawn.

May be nothing was going to be the same for them ever again.

 _Please review!_

So not quite a high point to end this chapter but I just wanted to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas! Hope you guys have a good day tomorrow!


	6. Chapter 6

**February, 1962**

 **Chapter 6**

Caroline scratched her neck as she stood by the sink, trying to work out what was wrong with her.

A week had passed since that awful Sunday and together, her family had passed a much pleasanter one.

Shawn had stayed on his best behaviour all week. It had to be hard – he was tired and she knew deep down he just wanted to sleep.

But he was all tender and light with the kids. He played with Kimmie's dolls with her and he had played soccer with Roman and he read to Kayla from the picture books which his parents had got her for Christmas. They had come round that day for dinner so Caroline had spent the day cooking.

She had not minded that.

She had had ten offers of help from her husband and when she had said to him the best thing he could do was look after the kids, he had done just that.

By the time one o'clock had rolled around his parents, Eric and Molly were in the house and so there had not been a dull moment in the Brady house for the rest of the day.

There was laughing and there was yelling and there was the odd bit of crying from the kids when they fought and Molly went on about this beautiful boy she had met at the factory she worked at and Eric was trying to get Shawn in to his next dodgy deal. But Caroline did not have to jump in there. She knew her husband had a good head on his shoulders.

He was not going to be messing up what they had then by getting involved in something stupid with his brother.

And so she let all the shouting go on about her and she joined in and she laughed.

She also relished watching Roman cuddled up to his best buddy, at the end of the day, as father and son had a chat about what was coming for the in the week ahead. It was going to be a long time till she had another baby but she hoped when the next little one came, it was going to be just as close to their dad as Roman was.

She was happy here, Caroline said to herself.

This was who she wanted to be and where she wanted to be.

This was what it meant to be Mrs Brady and that was a title she would not give up for all the world.

By the time that the kids were in bed that night, she found herself once more in the arms of her husband. He was only to be pleased to be attentive to her that evening and so when the days labours were over and she lay on her husband's bare chest with him running her fingers through her hair, she could not help but wonder why there was still this emptiness with in her. That should not be there.

She allowed her thoughts to turn to the one person she tried so desperately not to think of those days… yet the one whose face she increasingly thought of every night before she fell asleep.

X x x

The next morning…

Victor was at the door.

Caroline knew that tap. She was beginning to get more and more used to it and she was beginning to miss it when she did not hear it.

Shawn was at work and Kayla was already down for her nap.

It struck her right then that if she let him into the house then they were going to be truly alone for the first time since they kissed.

In fact she did not think they had ever have been as alone as they could be right then.

And that thought should not excite her she thought as she straightened her hair as she opened the door.

"You shouldn't be here," she said as she stood in the door frame.

She did not know what was coming over her or why she was being as stupid as she was being lately.

She just did not seem to be able to stop herself.

In spite of her words, she let him into the house, shut the door and before he could respond, their lips were together…

X x x

Shawn had come home that evening said he was going to be out of a very rare night out with his friends on Friday night.

He had also prompted her to go out for the evening as Molly had said she was going to be able to baby sit.

"You deserve it, love."

The Horton's newest hospital fund raiser had given her the perfect cover.

The timing of it all was too good, Caroline thought to herself later that week. Fate seemed to be smiling of her and Victor which was just ridiculous given how wrong what they were doing was.

But if this was something which she had to get out of her system then, she knew she had to do it a lot sooner than later if she wanted to get it finished with.

There were going to be so many people at the fund raiser that she felt she was going to be able to say she had got lost in the crowd.

No one was going to need know she had not been there at all.

And then she could go and met Victor.

Caroline shut her eyes and chastised herself. She did not know how many times she had had this conversation internally now but it never seemed to do any good. It never seemed to convince her she should stay in her safe life with her good man.

Never for very long, anyway.

And so she looked in the mirror at the end of her and Shawn's bed. And she forced herself to see what she really was and what she as always going to be.

 _An adulteress._

If she did this then she was going to be the unfaithful wife of Shawn Brady for the rest of her days.

Whether he knew or not did not make a lot of bones to her.

She would know.

And maybe one day it would spread or she would get caught and the world she had fought for was going to end…

But even then she turned to her closet and wondered if Victor was going to prefer her in the blue or the green dress.

She was never going to be proud of herself again. And she did not pretend for one moment to think she was going to be the best he had ever had.

He had been on the continent. This was going to mean a lot more to her than it was ever going to mean for him.

But maybe this she could allow herself. The one thing she could have for herself for just one night.

Just one night.

X x x

Caroline had worn the blue dress.

It had always been her favourite colour and the dress had always been a favourite too.

She had brought it when she had been newly married and, of course, it had seemed to fit her a lot better then.

She had worn it just around the house for she had loved the way it clung to her in all the right places. Shawn had loved it too. That was way back when she had used to wait up for him every night. That was before she had fallen pregnant with Roman, which had not taken long.

Looking back, she wasn't sure this dress was not how she had got pregnant with her first son.

She smiled sadly and pushed them to the back of her head, as she begun to work on her hair.

She continued to do so as she finished getting ready and left the house.

This was her night. This was not about them, she reminded herself as she stepped inside the fancy restaurant which she had agreed to meet Victor at.

If the truth told then she would have been a lot happier the two of them had gone to somewhere a little more down market.

But it had been Victor's choice and she knew it was a smart move deep down.

For one thing it was out of Salem. For another it was private. They were not going to be seen by anyone here and even if they were then they were going to be able to buy their silence.

And that was what the two of the needed. Somewhere private so they could have their little bit of alone time, she guessed.

If the truth was known she was not sure how affair worked.

Well, of course, she didn't. It was not as if she had had one before.

X x x

Victor was waiting at the table for Caroline when she arrived.

He had waited for this night for a long time and there was no way he was going to muck it up now it had arrived.

Throughout the brief time they had been planning there night together, she had kept saying that it was not going to go anywhere, that it could not go anywhere –she was not going to allow it.

But it was his objection that night to make her see things differently.

He knew that was truer than ever when she walked into the room.

He did not think it was over estimating it to say that it did not matter who he was with, every man in the room turned to look at her.

She was beautiful. How she did not see it, the way that he did he was not sure but she didn't. She was too beautiful to be stuck behind closed doors every day.

She was worth so much more and if it killed him he was going to make her see it.

He stood up as she got to the table.

"Good evening Victor."

"My word – Caroline, you look sensational."

That was what she had been going for but beautiful would have sufficed.

Sensational… "My you smooth talker." She said with a sweet smile as he came round to greet her.

He kissed her cheek and his lips lingered.

And for the first time she found she was utterly free to allow it. Before she was able to catch herself she even leaned into it for a while which encouraged him to put his hands on her lower back.

Something sprung up through her spine and made her shiver.

She was not sure what it was but she was sure she liked the sensation.

"Nothing but the truth," he said as he pulled out her chair for her.

Well, that was something which had not happened for her for a while… she sat down and put the napkin on her lap whilst trying to ignore the sensation of his hand resting on her shoulder.

She felt as if she was a teenage on her first date.

As he sat down opposite her, she smiled.

"Well, you're kind to say it all the same. And for bringing me here. Are you sure it is not too much?" she asked.

She knew he had the money – somehow ever since she had known him he had had money. She did not know or quite like the way she got it.

"Nothing is too much for you," he said seriously.

She could not look him in the eye.

"Not when the two of us have got such a short time together." he carried on.

She smiled softly as she begun to study the menu. Half of it was in French and she did not quite understand it all. It had been a while since she had been at college.

But he knew what she was and where she had come from.

He had to know she was not going to.

And indeed he did. He helped her order and pick the right wine and then once they had done that there was silence at the table.

And she could just look at him. After all the time she had spent trying not to it feel odd to be in a place where she could she could just give in to it all. She could reveal in it.

"Why me?" She asked.

He could have any women which he wanted. He had to be able to. He was young and he was attractive. He had a lot of money, not that that had any interest to her.

"Because – well, because you're you."

He did not think he could put it in to any better words than that. no more sophisticated terms did he require.

The fact was if he had his way then he would not have fallen for a married woman. He would not have fallen in love at all.

He saw she was somewhat unsatisfied with his answer not that she was going to ever put it in those terms.

He sat back, reminding himself once more than he was the one who was on trial that night.

If she did not like him then she could just go back to her life and forget this happened, for he did not think he could ever hold this over her head.

Once more, he found himself thinking that if it was anyone else then he would be able to do that but the fact was Caroline Brady seemed to be the exception to every one of his rules.

"You're funny," he said. She had to know he thought she was a beautiful women but he did not think she knew he thought she was humorous in the best kind of way. "And you're kind. And you cook the best clam chowder I have ever eaten," he smiled boyishly.

He could tell she was yet to convince her.

"Look, the truth is Caroline, I do not know why you. Believe me I ask myself a thousand times a day." He said as he took her hand. "But it is you."

She filled his head no matter where he was. A thousand times a day he stopped and thought of her. And it made him angry and mad and crazy

She squeezed his hand. At last, she believed him.

This was not about getting one over on anyone. It was not about revenge.

It was about love. It was all about love.

She was glad, she thought as she took her hand and kissed it.

"So tell me about your day." He asked.

She shrugged. "It was nothing out the ordinary. I cooked and I cleaned and I took the kids to school and then I picked them up afterwards. I think your day was more interesting. What did you do?"

He shrugged. "I just attended to a little bit of business."

"What business?" She dared to ask him. That was then she was not sure she could met his eyes.

"Import and export."

That was all she had to know and if the truth was known it was all that she wanted to know.

"Well – the day is over. Let's just enjoy the evening."

It was the weekend. The next day there was going to be no school run and she was going to be able to relax with her babies.

But that evening was theirs and theirs alone.

And that was what they did. The conversation turned from that day to the places which Victor had travelled too, with Caroline asking all the questions.

The way he talked about the places which he had been… it was as if he had been painting with words. She was enraptured.

It was only then that she realised how little that she had seen.

Before she had had the kids, she had grown up in Salem and for their honeymoon she and Shawn had taken a trip to Boston. They had spoken about going somewhere with the kids when the time was right, but she was beginning to have a terrible feeling that was not going to be happening for a very long time to come.

But Victor had no kids and he had money and so there no limit on the places which he could go.

And she wished she could see what he had seen and would see too.

He spoke of white beaches and blue seas and cultures and traditions which she had never heard of.

It was a big world out there it occurred to her.

Her little corner of it was the one she loved the very best… But there was so much more out there.

By the time they had had there pudding Caroline felt pleasantly full... she had had her fill of food and she had had some undivided attention of another adult for more than a few minutes at a time.

It seemed to her that Victor had doted on her and she hated herself for loving that but she did… and there was no use lying to herself about it.

Maybe it was the wine she thought to herself. She had had her fair share of that. Some of it because she had wanted to seemed as if she was sophisticated like the girls he no doubt met on the continent, some of it for courage and some of it just because it tasted good and it was something which she never did.

Thus at the end of the meal when he asked her to join him on the dance floor she was more than ready too.

She had come out to be in his arms – and she was going to be there.

He put one hand on her waist and the other about her back as the two of them held on to one another.

Once more the question popped into her mind as to why he wanted her there with him until she remembered he did not know any more than she did.

What was important was that they were there together.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times.

"This is something I did not think I was ever going to see - you lost for words…."

"I told you - you are a sensation." He murmured as he leaned down leaving his hand nearer hers than it had been before.

She took a deep breathe, cleared her mind and then did the one thing that felt natural.

She did not want to pushi him away. She did not want the two of them to be apart.

She stood up taller and then let their lips met.

It was not like the night when they had been outside the club. There were no tears and there was no rush.

The two of them had their times and they had loved and a real connection between them.

The kiss was not swift to end but when it did she lay her head on his broad shoulder and sighed and knew that she had been lying to herself.

This was not a onetime thing. It couldn't be.

She had only felt like this one time before.

And that had been when she had been falling in love with Shawn.

 _Please review!_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

When Caroline came to the next morning there was a warm body by her side but it did not belong to Victor.

It was her husband.

She put her head in her hands and sighed. It ached. There was no other way about it. When she thought of the wine which the two of them had shared and the dancing.

Well it was no surprise that it hurt a little.

She opened her eyes and saw it was still dark outside. She hoped she was going to be able to roll over and go back to sleep but first she looked at her husband.

She wondered what his night out had been like and hoped he had had a lot of fun with his friends.

If anyone deserved it then he did.

It was as she was watching him she saw his eyes open.

"Good morning, darling," he said groggily though a yawn, "how are you feeling?"

She sighed. She could lie but then he knew her…

She wiped the sleep out of her eyes for she was not sure should could talk yet.

"It is not like one of Alice's do to get so of hand," he chuckled softly.

She did not knew how he could laugh then till she remembered she had married a morning man.

But it was a lovely sound… even with her head throbbing.

She moved closer to him was gratified when he snuggled her closer, kissing the nap of her neck as he took her in is arms.

"I hope you are going to be ok with the little ones today."

"I am going to be fine. It is my own fault."

"We normally time this better," he murmured.

If one of them bad a drink the other didn't.

But he always bounced back do much better than she did.

Caroline yawned and shut her eyes.

When she opened them, the bed next to her was empty but there was a little one yowling in the crib.

"Mama, Kayla is crying."

That was Roman. So his sister had been making some amount of noise for a while.

"Ok, I am up, I am up." She said as she sat on the edge of the bed.

As soon as she had her feet on the ground and her daughter could see she was moving she quietened.

So she really had just wanted to get her up thought Caroline.

To her side she looked at her son and kissed his forehead.

"Are you ok?"

"Oh I am fine, my darling," Caroline lied.

There was nothing wrong with her that a little fresh air was not going to sort out.

X x x

Caroline started that Saturday with the kids with a trip to park.

Throughout she could do nothing but think about the night before.

Second guess herself. Third guess herself.

Try to make it right in some way even though she knew it was wrong.

She said it was never going to happen again all the while looking forward to seeing Victor again.

She could not work herself out.

Then there was Shawn. She hadn't heard him come in or go out. They had had there moment in bed that morning and yet.

Once more the comparison crept in.

When she had been with Victor the night before she had felt as if she was so loved. She felt as if he had wanted to hang the moon for her.

A selfish voice in her said that Shawn would rather go drinking with his friends than spend a Friday when he was not working with her.

They could have had a date night the evening before but he had not even suggested it.

She was his wife – the mother of his children. She was expected to be there, expected to have a quick cuddle with him and then see him of to work.

The night before she had felt as if she was the most important person in the world.

And it had been a long time since her husband had made her feel that.

The kids did it – every day. Every time they looked up at her and called her 'mama'.

Every time that Roman wanted her to make a scratch on his knee better and every time her Kimmie wanted her to play with her dolls with her and every time Kayla looked up at her with those big blues eyes of her she felt as if she was the most important person in the world.

The centre of the universe.

Shawn did not make her feel the way.

Victor did.

The run about the park did the kids a world of good. If she had not taken them then she knew she was not going to get any rest that day and it did her good to.

It blew away the cob webs.

Watching Kimmie and Roman play together filled her up with something which was different to everything else.

Watching the kids together she knew she did not have to worry. When it was just the four of them it was so easy.

It was only when she thought of other things – it got complicated.

"What do we want for lunch today?" she asked on the way home, a child on either side of her.

"Ice cream!" Kimmie beamed.

Caroline laughed and then looked ahead to see a familiar face waiting for them at their house.

"I thought I would come and see that you were ok," her sister in law laughed. "You were pretty out if it when you got back from the party!"

"Sorry about that," Caroline laughed as Molly helped her up the stairs with the pram.

"Don't be sorry, it was nice to see you having such a lovely time." Molly replied as Kimmie ran passed her into the kitchen.

"Well, it did not feel nice this morning when I got up."

"Did Kayla sleep through the night?" Molly checked.

"She did, that girl is a little angel." Caroline smiled.

Kayla had slept through long before her brother and sister had which was a blessing.

She did not think she could have had another Kimberly. She hadn't slept through till after they had had Kayla.

"Lucky for you."

"Lucky for me," she agreed as they went in to the house and shut the door.

"Let me put the kettle on," Caroline said as she headed over to the side. "So they behaved for you last night?"

"They did. They were no trouble. I just sat down here and read a book."

Caroline smiled. Somehow that did not surprise her. Molly was for ever reading some romance novel or other.

"What are you reading at the moment?"

"Well, it is a story about a women who has fallen in love with two men… I don't think that can really happen though, do you? Two men at once?"

Caroline shrugged. "Well I would think that one is enough for most women."

"It is just finding the right one isn't?" Molly sighed. Caroline smirked. She knew how desperate her sister in law was to grow up.

"You're so lucky finding our Shawn so early on."

Caroline could not quite look at her. "I know I am." The two of them were on the verge of a wonderful like together.

And then they got in to girly talk. There was a new man down the market, called Bill and Molly wondered how she was ever going to live if he did not fall head over heels in love with her.

But that was nothing new. Caroline was pretty sure that Molly's crushes changed as quickly as she finished each book.

Over lunch the conversation was diluted by the children. Kimmie kept asking for ice and cream and Roman wanted to know when he was never going to be able to go out on the boat with his father.

When he was told that it might not be till spring came, he changed the subject.

"Then can I have a new baby brother or sister to play with?"

Caroline giggled. "Spring is going to come before a baby would. Besides, Kayla is getting to be such a big girl now it is not going to be very long until the two of you can play properly together."

Roman murmured something which did not sounds enthusiasm.

Molly giggled as he wondered off towards his baby sister who was pulling herself up on the sofa.

"She is getting pretty big. Are you guys thinking about another baby?" She asked curiously.

"Not right now," she shook her head as she run her hand through Kimberly's hair. "I love these three more than life itself. But… but they are enough of a handful as it is."

"Well I think even momma and papa think you and Shawn have done your duty providing grandchildren."

Caroline nodded. They had.

"Are you all going to come for dinner tomorrow?"

"I am sure we will."

X x x

And they did.

It was another normal Sunday. Shawn got up early with the kids and then they went to church and then they went to his parents and they had dinner there with them and Molly and Eric.

And it was nice and comfortable and at the end of the night when Caroline watched Shawn say bed time prays with their children, she felt content.

Content in the knowledge that tomorrow was Monday.

And Monday meant a visit from Victor Kiriakis.

X x x

Victor found Caroline in the store the next day as she had known he was going too.

After Molly had let her go out in the weekend she had offered to give her the morning off. She was not sure how much of a fair swap it was when that meant she had to watch Kayla but Molly took it.

"At least it is not serving customers."

Thus when Victor got to the store he found Caroline hard at work behind the counter but she looked beautiful.

Even with her hair net and apron on.

He did not know how he had timed it so perfectly but no one else was in the store… but he had.

It was just the two of them. Again.

"Good morning Caroline."

"Good morning, Victor."

"How was yesterday?" he asked and she rolled her eyes when she saw the smug smile on his own lips.

"It wasn't so bad after I had some coffee…. I am sorry – about Saturday."

After the two of them had danced it was clear that the two of them would go no further that night.

If he had been any other women… well it was the same old story. If it was anyone else then the night may had ended differently.

But it didn't. So he had driven her home and after a few sweet kisses she had got out and gone into the house.

It was not the ending of the night he had imagined.

But he found it did not matter much. Because he had got the night with the women who he truly believed was the love of his life.

And he was not going to be letting her go again.

"You have got nothing got be sorry for. All it means is that we are going to have to do it again. And soon."

He wanted to take her in his arms… and for them to be together.

He watched as she bite her lip. It was then he was in no doubt that that was what she wanted to.

"Victor I am a married woman."

"And I am Greek. Are we done stating the facts of life or would you like to tell me you've beautiful blue eyes?"

She laughed softly before looking down.

"I - I never thought..."

"I never thought the two of us were going to happen either. But when what we feel for each other is so strong do either of us have the right to deny it or to let it fall through our finger tips?" he asked.

He did not think he had ever known anything that was so real and so true and so honest.

And it was lovely.

She had no right to deny them both that.

"Well – not next weekend."

"Why not?"

"Because I am going to be with my husband for my birthday." She wanted him to take her dancing.

"I know. You're going to be thirty years young, aren't you my dear?"

She should not be surprised by the fact that he remembered. That was a Victor thing to do she knew but she could not help but be touched.

The two of them were reconnecting so fast it was hard now to think he had ever been away.

Caroline swallowed down her desire to be with him once more.

"So the weekend after then. And I am not going to take no for an answer because you may well wish to celebrate your birthday with your husband, but we need to celebrate it too."

She nodded. "Very well then. I am going to do my best to sort something out."

"Make sure you do." He knew he had to take his leave soon.

He had business to attend to that day and she was working already. It was not as if they could just stand about chatting.

But some things were a lot easier said than done.

"I really want to kiss your right now."

She couldn't help giggling.

"Well, I do not think that would be too good for business." She relied.

In that she knew it wouldn't. She was Mrs Brady here more than anywhere else.

"Then I am just going to have to be patient aren't I?"

"I have heard it said that good things come to those who wait." She said with a teasing smile.

"My god I hope that is true."

X x x

Shawn wrapped his arms about Caroline on Friday night. In a turn of events she had not been expecting he had got home at a reasonable hour.

"This is a very nice surprise," she said as he kissed her neck.

"Well I just – I just wanted to see you."

"Did you just want to make the most of seeing me in my twenties? You know tomorrow you are going to wake up next to an old lady." She grinned, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"You are going to be like a fine wine my darling. You are going to get better with age."

"That, Mr Brady is the right answer," she said as she turned away from the dirty dishes she had been washing and in to his arms. "You sure there is no other reason you are home so early? Not that that is not a lovely one…"

His face told her all it had too.

There was.

"It's Paul. He had accident today." Caroline opened her eyes wide. "Bad."

The fishing families around the pier all knew one another. Their trade was the biggest in their part of the world and the families all stuck together to defend that.

After all if one of them went out of business then that all might.

The machines which were used… well Caroline did not like to think about what that accident might entail.

"Is he is going to be ok?"

"He is up in University Hospital, we hope so."

Caroline felt her heart go out to his family.

"I gm going to have to go and see Kathleen."

Shawn nodded. "I think she would like that. But any way - due to that… there are two reasons I am back earlier. One because I just wanted to see you, darling… and the other because – because … I am going to have to work late tomorrow. I am going to try pick up the slack for Paul a bit, keep his market ticking over a little till he is back on his feet.

She nodded. She knew that was her husband all over. His friend was down on his luck and that could be really bad news for the family of that friend. He was going to jump right in there to help them up.

Life was fragile on the river front.

All of them knew that the fishing trade as it was then was not going to be about forever and if something happened… Well then there was nothing in the world to say that they were not going to be struggling to face hard times one day…

Caroline hoped if that was ever the case then they were going to be able to rely on the love and the generosity of their friends to keep them going.

Support to work was of course so much better than charity. She did not think she knew any one on the riverfront who would be at ease accepting that.

"You are a good man Shawn Brady."

She said that even as she felt her stomach hit her shoe.

She was a selfish woman. A few months ago she knew she was going to be able to deny that fact.

But now she could not. Not after everything that was going on with Victor.

And yet it was no good denying that she was sad she was not going to get the night she and Shawn had been planning as well because she was that as well.

"My darling I promise you I am going to take you out soon. And we are going to celebrate your birthday in style."

It was just not going to be the next day.

"It does not matter. Thirty is not like forty you know… it is just another number with a zero on the end."

And the elder she got the less she found she was willing to celebrate her birthdays any way.

Still it would have been nice.

"But it is not is it?" They both knew it was about much more than her birthday.

He stepped forward and took her in his arms. And she was able to feel his heart beating.

"I am sorry this has happened."

"I should say Paul's family are a lot more sorry."

"But – but I know I have not been all I should be to you lately and I just wanted to take you out… how long has it been since we two went dancing?"

When they had been courting he remembered he had taken her out dancing all of the time and they had a blast.

It was not always even the fact they had gone dancing, it was just that they were together…

And then on the way home, he had used to sing to her and he could remember how she would tell him to stop, while singing along with him.

"It has been far too long -but just because we can't go tomorrow it does not mean we can't go. We will just go on a different night. "

"Aye – one that it is not your birthday."

If it was any other man then she was not so sure they would have been as sorry as he was. But this was Shawn…

"It does not matter. We can have some fun with the kids tonight. Family night." She smiled.

After all, she had him home then and they were going to be able to make the most of it.

"Well, we can but it is not going to be the same if it were just the two of us. You know I love our babies but –"

"I know. Soon," She said as she wrapped her arm about him and kissed his cheek.

And she knew she was a truly awful person right then as she was already beginning to think of a way which she would get a message to Victor to say the two of them were on for her birthday…

As it turned out, even as the night came to an end, Caroline could not be all that sorry for the fact Shawn was not going to be about the following evening…

They had so much fun that one.

As soon as Roman and Kimberly had clocked there father was home the peace for the evening was over.

"Pop," their eldest daughter had cried as she saw he was in the room.

She had all but flown in to his arms.

"There is the prettiest little girl in Salem," Shawn had declared as he had bent down to pick her up and swinging her around before settling him on her hip.

"Why are you home?"

"I am home because I could not bear to be away from you and your brother and your mother and your sister for another moment today," He had had it up to here of being away from them….

What he said was not even that far off of the truth.

He had come back because of Paul and because he knew what had happened was going to effect that man's family for a long time to come and afterwards – after he had heard what had gone on – all he wanted to do was be with his own.

Kimmie settled her head on his shoulder and lopped her arms about him, showing no signs of wanting to be put down.

"So you can play with us tonight?" Roman checked.

"We can play any thing that you want to –"

"I want to play poker!"

"Poker eh?" laughed Shawn as he met his boys eye.

"And what would such a fine up standing citizen such as yourself what to do playing poker?"

"Some of the boys at school said they know how to play and next time we met up at the weekend we have to take our money along. I do not want to be the one who does not know what he is doing. Please dad?"

Shawn looked to Caroline for approval.

"Get the cards. it is me and the girls against you two boys."

X x x

"Well I think what we can say for sure is that we have produced the worst poker players in the history of the world between us." Laughed Shawn.

Caroline did not think he was so far off of the mark there and laughed in agreement.

Kimmie had had the upper hand over her brother. She tried to bluff her way through the game as her mother had told her the rules as they went but Roman had had no chance at all.

He kept looking to his pop for his advice and Shawn would give it to him but always in a manner which Caroline had to admit she found very open ended.

He was there to consul but he had wanted the boy to come to his own decision.

So when his father failed to give him a definite directive Roman looked to his mother – the opposite team – for help.

"I think we have. Especially Roman."

He was a young man who was not afraid of the world. She had realised that that evening - as long as he was prepared and he had a sounding board, he trusted the world. That was the sort of environment which she and Shawn had striven to create for their kids but now she had to say she was not sure he was altogether too trusting.

She did not want that to be used to the detriment of her little boy one day.

Caroline sighed and shook her head as she said what she wanted to be true. "He is going to do just fine. All he needs is a little practise and he – well he is going to be as good as you are!" She giggled for a moment, before she turned to him.

"What do you mean as good as me. I thought we were both pretty good tonight." True her husband had had a few hands when she had been able to tell he was lying through his teeth but the other ones he had given her a run for her money.

He was a good card player.

"You know if there is a card shark in this family it is not me. You were always better than I was. Do you remember that New Year's Eve when we spent the night at my folks? You took our Eric to the cleaners," Shawn had thought it was wonderful at the time – wonderful like her. "It is lucky I trust you so much darling – otherwise I might get worried."

He had said it in such a _trusting_ way that it hurt her.

It hurt her to know that she was doing this to him when he was so lovely and he was so the father of her daughters and her son.

Shawn and Roman – they were so alike, she had always known it but after the Poker game she could see it.

Shawn had to be tough but he had never been hurt in the way she knew the world could hurt you. In the way there son thought it never would.

She did not want to be the one who took that away from him. From either of them…

But as the two of them crawled in to bed that night – Caroline had a feeling she could not stop that.

"Darling?" Shawn asked breaking her out her thoughts. He had come about to her side of the bed and put his hand on her cheek.

"Sorry, I was miles away there."

"So I see – what were you thinking of."

"Nothing important," she said as she took his hands in hers. "What were you saying?"

"Just again how sorry I am about tomorrow. I promise I will make it up to you." Again she could see the true regret which he felt shining out his eyes.

She shook her head…

"You have nothing to be sorry for." She said as she leant into his arms.

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	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Caroline managed to get a message to Victor that she was going to be free the evening of her birthday just after she woke up. Shawn had of course gone already and the kids were yet to get up and so she used the house phone to call him.

"Now what kind of an idiot is your husband for leaving you all alone on your birthday?" her old friend asked her with mirth in his voice.

He could not be more thrilled that it was his company she sort for that evening and that it was his time she smiled upon.

"He is the sort of one who is a very good friend." The whole community were lucky to have him yet none of the others were as lucky as she and the kids were and she knew if she had half a mind, she was going to focus on that and honour that.

She heard Victor sigh down the phone and she was pleased he did not go on ragging on Shawn.

He did not deserve that from the two of them when they were already betraying him on every other level.

"What time should I come and get you?"

"I'll meet you at the train station about eight." She was sure that was was going to be able to get one of the grandparents or her sister in law over by then.

"What are you going to tell everyone?"

"That I am going into Chicago. That I have an old girl friend who wants me to go and play a round of bridge with her and spend the evening."

"So you are not going to need to be back until the morning."

She hesitated for just a moment. "That's right."

"The two of us are going to get our night together at last."

He had dreamt of that since he was in his teens.

She knew it was pointless as he could not see but she nodded up and down. She had come to a decision. She was going to cross the Rubicon.

The passion which she felt for him dictated that she had to.

The truth was this passion which was between them seem to be unbridled right then. It was making her do things which otherwise she would not do in a million years. And that was the reason which she knew she had to follow through because of the strength of that emotion.

It commanded to be obeyed.

"I am going to see you tonight."

And with that she put down the phone. She had the whole day to prepare herself for what she thought had to be called one of the biggest nights of her life. And that was just what she was going to do.

x x x

"Now, your brother should be home by twelve o'clock." Said Caroline as she settled Molly in for the night. "I have managed to get Kayla down for the night and she should not wake. Kimmie knows she has to go to bed at half past eight and Roman knows he has to go to bed by nine. Hopefully they should not give you any trouble, but as I said your bother is going to be back by twelve and feel free to use that as a threat."

Molly could not help but laugh at Caroline.

"You know I so not think I have ever seen you in such a tizz over leaving the kids and I do not think I have ever seen you looking so good. I hope my brother knows he is missing the chance to see his wife look about a million bucks."

Caroline knew this was it. Her last chance to turn back, to be true to the man who was always going to be true to her.

"What I know is your brother is a good man and it is going to cost me nothing to doll back up for him when the two of us go out for our night together," she said noting her tone was a little to firm at the beginning. She lightening it before she finished her sentence but there was something in Mol's eyes which told her the damage was done.

"Sorry – I think it is just because I am leaving them over night," she lied, seeing her one way out of this and using it. "I can't remember the last night I wasn't here."

That seemed to satisfy her sister in law thank god.

"I understand – but I promise I am going to take good care of them. And like you say, Shawn will be back in a bit. He'll be there if they wake in the night."

Caroline swallowed and nodded.

"You just go off and have a wonderful evening, birthday girl. Lord knows, you deserve it."

X x x

She thought about what would have happened if she had taken her chance to turn back as she had left the house.

As she had got in the car. Arrived at the train station. Arrived at the hotel.

But she did not take it. Instead, she went out for dinner and dancing with Victor. Instead she allowed her – her lover - to undo the zip at the back of her dress, and allowed his warm hand came in to contact with her skin and her eyes shut.

In that moment it was as if she had a glorious nothingness her head which felt clear… she was light and weightless.

It was all so warm…. Till he removed his hand. As soon as he did that she turned to him and tried and failed put in to words the anguish which she did not quite understand.

Then she knew why he had done it as they were face to face once more.

He put his arms back and her with great tenderness as he begun to kiss her fervently.

Her hands undid the knot of his tie, the button on his shirt and then slid the shirt from his body.

During that time her own dress had come loss. It slid down to the floor and she let it fall to the ground.

Next were his trousers. It took her less time to undo his zipper than he had taken to do hers.

Caroline was not sure how much time passed between that moment and the one which she found herself later, laying exhaustedly in Victor's arm as she caught her breathe.

One of his fingers drew lazy circles on the top of her arm as she turned to look into his eyes.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

Wonderful. Terrible.

Ecstatic. Guilty.

"Like… like this was meant to be."

It was incredible to think of how long they had fought this moment.

When they had been young, it had been because she wanted to marry before she gave up anything to any man. She did well recall how hard it was to say good night. The thought of what could be was tantalising and hard to resist.

Even after they had split it had ever been that way that their eyes lingered for too long on each other.

And when she had been engaged to be married – even then he had not given up.

And now she was married and still they had ended up here. Maybe it had been preordained she wondered…

"I thought I had drawn a line in the sand under us."

"You did Caroline…" he soothed softly. "But the tide came in – it washed it away."

They were the truest words he had ever spoken.

She held on to the arms which held her for the one thing she did not want him letting go.

He pushed his lips to her forehead.

"So what do we do now?" she asked.

At the end of it all she did only hope he had a better idea than she did.

She felt clueless.

"Well we do not make any rash choices." Caroline nodded.

As he lifted his hand to her cheek she had but one through in her head.

That life would be a lot easier if she was not in love with another.

"Let's just be like this tonight," he suggested and with a nod she snuggled down. "I do love you, my darling."

Caroline smiled softly as the truth flooded through her with stunning clarity.

"I love you too."

She was thirty.

She had married once.

Fallen in love twice.

Given birth to three beautiful kids.

And thought she was yet to release it, she had conceived four babies.

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	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Waking up in Victor's arms did not quite have the same glow to it as falling asleep had. It was done.

She had broken the vows which she had made.

To forsake all others in favour of loving Shawn.

It was no longer her birthday.

The stars which she felt had shone for her the night before were now covered by the cold light of day.

That day she had to go back to the market. She had to look Shawn in the eye and above all else she had to be his Mrs Brady.

Just then she was not sure if she was up to the task. She wasn't sure she knew how to do that now.

"You have been very quiet this morning," Victor said over the light breakfast they were sharing.

"Have I?" she asked. For the very first time she met his eyes.

"Don't let guilt ruin our beautiful night together."

"It was beautiful," she agreed – "but it was also wrong."

She found now she could not ignore that.

"Don't say that."

The hurt in his eyes hurt her but there was not a lot she could do about that.

The ride home was quiet.

"Do you regret what passed between us last night?" Victor asked just before Caroline got out of his chauffer driven car. He had to know he found for one way or the other for better or worse.

But she shook her head.

"I said it was wrong. I never said anything about regret."

She should but she did not. Instead she leant over and took his hand and squeezed it. It was the most she dared to do when they were in Salem.

"I will see you soon, won't I?"

Against her better judgement she nodded.

On the way back to the market, she felt everything so much more than she normally did. Her bag was a lot heavier than it had been on the way out of town.

It weighed her down.

X x x

Caroline was lost in thought when her husband returned to the market that day. Thrilled to have her home, he put his arms about her from behind and kissed her neck.

He wasn't expecting her to jump out her skin.

"Darling, it is just me!" she heard a voice behind her and she knew it was Shawn. Who else was it going to be when she was here? She turned and jumped into his arms as it became real.

It was him.

"Oh sweetheart –" he laughed softly. He had not meant to sneak up on her or scare her.

"I am sorry you startled me, is all," she said as she tried to swallow down the fear she had felt.

"Well I can see that ,my darling," he said as he rubbed her back.

It was a gesture which they both used when they were trying to comfort the children after they had had a nightmare.

She did not know why given what she had just done, but as soon as she felt him do it, it brought to her mind the way he had used to rub her lower back when she had been big with one of their children.

And how she had rubbed his back the day he had come to her in tears over the death of his grandmother.

It all became so real to her right then as did the fact they had a life together which went so far beyond the two of them.

"Oh you scared me," she sighed.

"I am so sorry. But listen your home now, with me," he muttered as he held her.

And that did help because if she was there with him then she was not going to be able to do any more harm to them and to him than she had already.

Given everything which she had already done she was not sure if that was even possible but knowing her right then here was a distinct possibility.

"How was last night birthday girl?" she heard him ask.

"Last night?"

"Bridge with the college girls?" he prompted.

That was where she had said she was going to be and bless her dear sweet husband he had believed her. He had not questioned her. That broke her heart.

"It was ok."

"Just ok?" he prompted.

He shook her head. "I am glad to be home."

"Well, I am glad too," he said as he carried on holding her. She was yet to loosen her grip. "I missed you," he said to her as he begun to trail kissing on her neck.

It was the type of affection which she was only too glad to show back to him on a normal day but she knew she had to go and have a shower at the very least before she was albe to be his wife again.

"You did?"

"Course I did. Can't you tell?"

"Shawn love, it is the middle of the afternoon." She said as she pulled away. He did not need to be told again. He never did. He drew back. "Where are the kids?"

"I – I got my ma to come and take them for a while…. I thought the two of us could have the morning alone as we missed out on last night."

She felt guilt raise in her like a wave.

"Well, that is such a lovely idea and I would love nothing more than to spend the morning with you, you know that but I have just got in from the bus and I am a little tired from all the travelling."

He shook his head. "You know the last thing in the world you need to do is explain to me. Why don't you go and get washed up and I will make the two of us a nice pot of tea? Then the least we can do is enjoying the peace and quiet before the kids get back."

She did not know why hearing him day those words made her want to cry.

He was just so good to her.

She leant up and kissed his cheek. She was sure that even after all she had done the night before she was allowed to kiss him like that.

"I would like that," she said as she then skipped out the room and up to their room. The room the two of them had shared since the day they had moved into the house and once she was in it begun to get undress.

She had to get washed. She had to get clean. She had to get every sign she had ever been with another man off of her body and then she was going to be able to go down the stairs and be Mrs Brady.

That was all she wanted to be right then.

His Mrs Brady.

Who loved her husband and her kids…

But she loved another man and being a woman – not a mother or wife first, but a woman - too. And she knew in her heart she was going to have to square with that.

There was not going to any more putting the brakes on her and Victor. They were – there was something between them and after the night before she felt as if she had taken a vow to him – just as much as she had done to Shawn.

The way they had been together, it was as if they had been using their bodies to speak the words which she was never going to be free to say.

Never the less she was glad when she had had a wash and she found she was able to return to the side of her husband.

She had asked how Paul was and how his family was and how the shift the night before had gone.

She asked if he was going to be covering for his friend till he was back on his feet and she was unsurprised to find her husband said yes.

Of course he was. He was Shawn. That was what he did and that was why she was proud to be married to him.

X x x

Caroline was shaking as she knocked on Victor's door… this was the first time she had come to him. Normally it was the other way and she was the one who looked out for him to come into the market.

But it had got to the point where she had to get to him. As long as she had been alive she could not remember feeling this way.

Just not being able to stay away.

As she stood on the door step she looked around her.

The truth was she felt as if people could tell she was an adulteress just by the fact she was there.

Thus she was glad when the door was opened and she was admitted. The butler took her name and she was soon allowed to go up in to the drawing room of the pent house.

"Now this is the most unexpected but the most wonderful surprise in the world," said Victor as he came in to the room.

She felt the passion which she had been trying to suppress for so long rise in her.

If she had given him a chance then he would have asked how her day had been and what she had done but she did not. Almost as soon as he came into the room, she had her arms about him and their lips were together.

Now this was the kind of hello which he liked to say to her.

He made no attempt to talk but instead relished in all which she was given to him right then.

It did not take long for them to reach his bedroom even as they crashed into various objects which were in there way... Caroline could not stop thinking right then that if she was asked why she was doing this it would be due to the way he made her laugh.

And he continued to do so through the time they had together.

"So to what do I owe the pleasure of this lovely visit?"

But she did not have time to tell him just then…. she just needed to be near him. Victor did not think he had ever seen Caroline thusly before and he had to be honest with himself he had begun to doubt if he ever would. If there was one thing she was doing it was blowing hot and cold but not right then.

She was a woman who knew what she wanted right then.

Not so much later the two of them were in bed and he had her in his arms and it all just felt right.

"Well, this was a most unexpected pleasure."

Still a part of her revolted that he sounded like the cat who had got the cream.

But this time she did all she could to push it down.

"I missed you," it did neither of them any good to lie about it she knew.

Far better to come clean at this point.

"And I you, my dear heart."

"I know what it must have appeared like the morning after my birthday but it is very important to me you know I did not regret it." she reiterated.

He nodded.

He did know it now beyond a shadow of a doubt.

"I need more time with you."

It made his heart sing to know that was the way she felt.

"What if I were to say to you I know a way we can have a bit more time together."

Her face lit up as if it was the first time in a while she was able to see the sun.

"Tell me."

Her told her of his dreams which he fervently hoped was going to turn into a plan. And as mad as it all sounded, she stayed into his arms and day dreamed until she found a way of making it a reality.

X x x

"Caroline, my darling it so good to see you!" said her mother as she came into the kitchen of her childhood home.

"It is good to see you too…oh mom I missed you."

Coming to her mother's on her own was not something which she did every day. And her mother knew her.

She was going to know something was wrong, especially when Caroline hugged her tightly.

But before that all that – they had a little time together. They talked about her father and the kids and the wider family. They spoke about the news and the weather and it was only when all the small talk was done that Caroline's mother leant over the table knowingly and took her hand in her own.

"Now my love, are you going to tell me why you are here?" she asked.

Caroline took a deep breathe. She knew this was going to be the last time her mother looked at her and respected her and she just had to take a moment to enjoy that.

"I – I need you to cover for me for the next couple of weeks. I am going on a little trip and I need you to go along with the story that I am staying with Aunt Peg."

Her old aunt lived two states away in an old cottage with no phone.

"Darling, why?"

"Well because I am going to – tell people she is sick and she needs someone there to look after her."

"Caroline."

That was not the why her mother had been looking for.

"I – I am going away with a friend."

"Which friend."

And then there was silence.

Caroline got up from the table and walked over to the window. There was no way she could look at her mother when she said the words.

She wanted to go but she did not want to have this conversation.

"A friend."

" _Which friend?"_

"You don't know them."

"Caroline." Her mother prompted once more in a tone which said she was not up for playing games.

There was that silence again and she knew her mother knew that something was up - something was wrong.

"It is a man."

"Dear god. You are a married woman."

She knew she was. And she loved being a married woman. She loved the kids and she loved her husband.

And there was no one else she would want to be asides Mrs Shawn Brady.

But she needed to know what it would have been like if she had gone another way. If she was not a mother.

If everything was different and she just needed some time away to work it out.

"How long has it been going on?" her mother asked.

She was not going to insult her any further by lying.

The two of them both knew what they were talking about.

"It has been a couple of months now." All in all… more or less…

Her mother sighed and she was well able to hear how disappointed she was. It hurt just as much then as when she had disappointed her as a girl. And she did feel like a young girl just then.

"And how? How did this even begin because I have seen you at the house over the last few months? You – you seemed so in love with Shawn."

"I am in love with Shawn," she said quickly as her voice raised.

She was not going to have her say that about her. She loved her husband very, very much.

But then she felt ashamed.

Because of course that was what people were going to think. It was going to be what everyone who found out thought.

"You just don't love him enough."

"I love him enough to clean his house and work in his business and bear his children…" she responded firmly.

But that was what being a wife and partner was meant to be about wasn't it? She shut her eyes…

Sitting back down, she tried to put it into words.

The last few months had taken her by surprise.

"It is a friend of Shawn's and mine. He begun to come into the market and the house and… and he was kind to me." She admitted.

"Caroline, what you are going through now – it is something which every woman goes through once in a while," her mother explained to her. "A marriage can get stale and bogged down in the day to day things, but – but that is no reason to betrayed the vows you took. In front of god."

Their religion was as important to her family as it was to Shawn's. That was one of the things which had bound them together when she had first married she thought to herself. And that was going to be something which bound the them their whole life long.

"You act as if I have not been married for the past seven years. Believe me I know that the day to day stuff can get in the way sometimes… but this is so much more than all that."

It was Victor. He was the only man she had ever looked at since the day she had married Shawn.

If it had been anyone else then this would not be happening.

"I – I cannot believe you are doing this."

"If I am being honest… I can't either."

There were still days when she could not believe that she was… she was betraying everything she loved.

"You stand to lose everything. My girl, you have everything to lose."

And it was not as if Shawn was the sort of man who was going to take this lying down.

He was Irish and he was passionate and he was loyal to all those who he loved. And it went without saying that he expected the same kind of loyalty back.

"I know I do." She nodded.

She had come to acknowledge that when she had said she was going to go away with Victor.

"Is it really worth the risk?"

"I think that is what I have to figure out." She said as she took a drink of the tea which her mother had given to her.

"You know I love the four of them. My family is my entire life."

And they were always going to be.

But this was what she had to do.

"Sweetheart please…"

"This is the one and only time I am going to ask you to do anything like this. But please mama – I just. I just need to –"

She had to go with Victor.

Her mother looked at her.

Well there was no way that she was going to be able to sell her daughter out.

"I am not going to do this for you. I am going to do it for Roman and for Kimberly and for Kayla. Because no matter what is going on with the two of you and with this man… they are the ones who matter. They are always going to be the ones who matter."

Caroline did not even have to question that…

As their mother putting the three of them first right now should be the easiest thing in the world.

It had always been in the past.

But this time… it wasn't. If she was putting them first she would be loyal to the father who they all adored.

Her mother swallowed.

"Very well. If it comes to it I will do my best to keep the truth from Shawn. But do not think I am doing this for you. I absolutely am not."

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	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

After her mother had let her know that she was going to cover for her if it came to that, time before the trip to Greece seemed to go quickly for Caroline.

In fact the week flew… may be a little too fast for her liking.

Knowing that was not going to be living her normal life made her nervous.

Molly and Nora and her own mother were wonderful but… they did not know the kids as she did.

She wondered if they were going to get them to school on time and if they were going to buy the right snacks and – and there was so much that could go wrong for them when she was away.

And of course – the kids would miss her.

She did not have to question if it was the wrong thing for her to go.

She already knew the answer to that. Of course it was.

But she felt she had to see it through.

One way or another, she just had too.

And so the day before she was due to leave she put her plan into action and headed down to the docks with Kayla in tow at lunch time to see if she was able to catch Shawn. He was not normally back at the market till mid afternoon.

Luck was on her side for once and she was able to find him. He was sitting with some of his friends eating the lunch she had made for him the night before.

It struck her then that the two of them were a well-oiled machine when they were together and that for the next two weeks there was going to be a lot of upheaval.

But maybe this was a good thing. Maybe she was going to get to the bottom of the pot and then she was going to be able to put it behind her.

Shawn caught sight of them and put down his lunch as he came rushing over to see his wife and their child.

"Well if this is not the pleasantest picture I have seen in a long while in the middle of the morning I do not know what is," he said as he kissed her. "What are you doing here lass? Not that I am not thrilled to see two of my beauties here."

It saved him staring at his friends ugly mugs.

"I wish I came here with a bit of good news for you, but I am afraid that is not the case my dear." She said as he knelt down to stroke their daughter's cheek.

He stood back up pretty sharpish at her words though.

"What is it darling?" he asked.

"Well I just spoke to my mother and my aunt Peggy has had a fall. She needs someone to go up there for a while and look after her and my mother would go but she is just getting over a cold herself."

She watched it is in his eyes as it dawned on him where she was going with this.

"I know it is not very good timing but I cannot leave the two of them to fret."

She wondered if he was going to argue against it as she knew that was going to be his instinct to do but he scratched his head and then he shrugged.

"Well it is not very good timing for the two of us but as far as I can see there is not going to be a good time for one of the two of us take off for the week until this little love has turned eighteen so it is no use dwelling on that. If she needs you, she needs you."

Caroline did not think she had ever felt worse in her life.

He was such a good man. And he did not even question her, and she knew this was going to be a damn sight harder logistically and practically on him than he would say right then.

And then there was the emotion strain of the two of them being apart.

Caroline was quite convinced she was the worst person in the world in that moment.

She was letting everyone but Victor down.

And he was the only one she had no made vows too.

"But if I am needed here then I won't go." She said as she stepped out from behind the pram and came close to him. It was always so easy to feel the guilty when the two of them were together. And it was easy to feel the shame and to wonder why she was doing this.

She had something which so many women dreamt of. She knew that there had been more than a few girls jealous in Salem the day she had become Mrs Shawn Brady and she knew how lucky she was to be his wife.

He wrapped his arms about her.

"What did I say, hey? You are always going to be needed here," he said as he kissed her on the forehead.

He did not think he could look into the future and see a future where he did not need her. That was just not possible.

Shawn wondered then at how lucky he was. She worked so hard. And she put up with him. And she had given him a fine bunch of kids.

They needed to be together so that they could build something which was really worth having for their three little ones. And so that they could finish bringing them up well. He knew they had made a few mistakes but he did not think they could be called bad parents.

But he would be… if he did not have her by his side.

"How did I get so lucky Mrs B?" he asked as he cupped her cheek.

She swallowed down the lump in his throat.

She wished he had got so lucky.

That he had got women who was never and could never do this to him.

The faith which he had in her broke her heart.

"When is it you have got to leave?"

"I am going to head off tomorrow morning. That way I can leave our house somewhat straight and sort some things out."

He nodded. "Ok, I will swing by Ma and Pops on the way home and tell her that she and Molly are going to be needed over the next week."

He still had to work as much as he would love to take the time off and watch his babies himself.

"Yeah and I will make sure to leave some notes."

She knew her mother in law was not going to like that as she had raised more than her fair share of kids but they – they were not her kids and if she could make the next two weeks easier on them then she would.

"Can you try and get home a little early tonight?" she asked before she had thought through what she was saying…

It was on the spur of the moment. She just knew she wanted him at home with her tonight if they were not going to get all that much time together…

He nodded. He was not going to deny her that.

"I am going to be home in time to put the little ones to bed ok? I will say there prays with them and then may be the two of us can have some time."

She nodded.

She would like that.

X x x

Shawn was good as his word as he always was.

He was home almost before the kids were with the promise that his sister had said she was more than happy to come and live with him for as long as Caroline needed to be with her aunt.

And the reality became more and more real to her of what she was doing she realised that that was quite the weight to put on Molly's shoulders.

She was not yet twenty and was just out of school for the year.

But she reminded her self that the Brady's had not raised any fools and all of their kids knew plenty about responsibility.

And when all was said and done Molly loved being an aunt.

The kids were going to be in safe hands with her.

Besides that they had both their grandmother's close and their grandfather and their uncle…

"Papa, you are home!" said Kimberly as she came rushing through the door straight to her father's arms.

Caroline had a feeling this was going to be the best home coming her kids had from school in a while.

"Oh yes I am," he said as he swooped down and picked her up as she came rushing towards him.

Caroline beamed as Roman followed suit. Soon enough Shawn had an arm about each of them and was asking how these days were.

"Come on, tell your old pop what my number one son did at school and what my best and my brightest learnt today?"

Caroline laughed as she put Kayla down but knew she was going to have to try and tackle him one day of those endearments for Kayla's sake if no one else's.

Immediately the baby girl went to the sofa and begun pulling herself up.

"We did finger painting!" Kimberly said to her father showing her still somewhat paint covered hands.

"And we did long division!" said Roman as Shawn settled the three of them on the sofa.

"Well it sounds as if you two have had a grand day. I am so glad."

His own day had been a little less good he thought as his eyes sort his wife.

This place was not going to be the same without his darling Caroline.

It never was.

A cry from Kayla caught his attention.

It had not been a cry of anguish – but one of sheer victory.

Shawn had been about to call Caroline till he realised she was right there with him to witness this moment…

This moment of liberation for their daughter.

It did not last long – no longer than a few seconds but before she fell, Kayla definitely managed to move a few inches to her right, under her own steam. And on her feet.

Once she had come down to the floor she looked to where her family was congregated, a mischievous look in her eye as if she was wondering if she was in trouble or not.

She did not have to wait long until this was denied by her father's roar of approval.

"Oh you clever little girl!" Shawn beamed, untangling himself from his two eldest children in favour of their younger sibling.

He swept her up in his arms and rubbed her leg where she had fallen though it did not seem to be troubling her too much.

The baby relished in her father approval for a moment, laughing as he covered her chubby cheek with kisses before looking straight at her mother.

Caroline was delighted… but at the moment that her daughter had walked for the first time she had felt bile rise within in her.

Because she was going to miss all of this over the next two weeks. Willingly.

She felt tears well in her eyes as she crossed to Shawn and Kayla.

The last thing she could do was have this moment with them.

 _What are you doing?_

"Oh our baby is not going to be a baby for too much longer," she said as a cover for her emotion which was not so much of a stretch.

She was very proud of their girl. She had been just the same when she had watched Roman and Kimmie take their own first steps.

"No, she is not. Why do they do this Caroline? Why do they grow up so damn fast?" asked Shawn as he kissed their daughter.

Again.

She just didn't know.

As Caroline cooked dinner for the five of them, all attention she was glad to see for once stayed on their youngest.

Having found her feet she did not want to lose them and so Shawn made a game of it.

Roman sat at one end of the living room, Kimmie at the other and the two of them called and coaxed their little sister on her way up and down between the two of them.

"She is going to sleep well tonight," Caroline said as she wondered over and stood by her husband who took her hand and kissed it.

Dinner was a treat. After they had said grace, the five of them sat down together with Caroline feeding Kayla who was otherwise content to catch her breath and play with a spoon while her elder brother and sister sat either side of their parents round the square table.

Knowing that this was going to be the last time they were all together, Caroline had brought sausages on the way home, which were Romans favorite so all in all as they came to the end of the meal the kids were happy.

"Mama, can we leave the table and go play?" asked Kimberly.

"Actually darling I want to talk to you and your brother before you do."

"Is this about why pop is home so early?" asked Roman.

"Partly…"

"Now I do not want the two of you to worry," said Caroline. "But your Aunt Peggy is a little under the weather."

"Who's Aunt Peggy?" Roman asked.

It was not as if she played a big role in their lives.

Caroline faltered for just a moment.

"Well, she is grandma's sister. And she has been feeling a little poorly so she wants someone to go and look after her the way that I look after you when you get sick."

"So is grandma going away for a little bit?" Kimberly figured out what was going on.

Her father ran a hand through her hair.

"No sweetheart," he cut in seeing his wife was not finding this easy.

Caroline as such a wonderful mother. It was never easy for her to leave the kids.

"You both know that mama makes stew a lot better than your grandmother so she is going to be the –"

"No!"

"Kimmie it is just going to be for a couple of weeks my love, that's all, just till Aunt Peg is feeling back on her feet."

But that was it. Whether her parents had given her permission to leave the table or not the little girl had run off upstairs.

"I'll go," Shawn said as he raced off after her leaving Caroline with Roman and Kayla, calling his daughter as he did so.

"Are you ok with this sweetheart?" she asked Roman.

If he had the same reaction of his sister than she did not know if she was going to be able to go in the end.

She was with their mother.

And may be this really was going to be the mistake of her life.

But Roman shook his head.

"I think if Aunt Peg is sick then you should go and take care of her. No one wants to be on their own when they are not feeling very well." He said with more wisdom than his six years.

Caroline felt her heart burst with pride.

"No, they don't."

Her little boy jumped down off of his seat, crossed the room and settled himself into her lap.

She smiled and kissed his forehead.

He was getting to be such a big boy but he was till her little one right then.

"You do not have to worry about the girls when you are away. I can help Pop take care of them."

And just like that she was proved wrong.

Caroline blinked away the tears which had welled in her eyes and rocked back and forth a little wishing she had the wisdom to settle for what she had.

It was a good life after all. A very good life.

X x x

Shawn was with their eldest daughter of most of the evening.

Caroline had to say even though he was the one who was dealing with her she found herself most affected by Kimberly's reaction. She had almost expected their son to be the one who took it badly but he was the one who had taken it on the chin.

Kimberly was such a Pop's girl. She could understand the tears and the tantrums if it was Shawn who was going to be leaving her for a whole two weeks but she had not thought she was going to be so distressed about her old ma going.

But she was.

In the mean time when her husband was with their daughter she begun to pack. It was not quite the suit case one might take if they were going to see a sick relative.

She packed a towel, swimsuits, her best dresses.

Victor had spoken about the two of them lulling about in the sun all day and that just sounded so good to her.

Winter had already been too long so feeling a little sun of her skin was going to be divine.

She also packed her best lingerie – the under wear which had seen hardly the light of day or night since she had had Kimberly.

When Shawn and she had been young there had been a chance for the two of them two put time together to one side and keep it there but now it felt as if it had been a long time since she had had that.

It was an odd thought to think that now she was going to have that sort of time again she was going to be having it with another man.

She shut her case up and got herself ready for bed, and was just about there when Shawn came into the room.

"How is she?"

"She is going to just fine. You know Kimmie. She makes a fuss but in the end if she has to get on with something then she will."

"I just feel so awful about leaving you in the lurch like this."

"Now you stop that right now. It is not as if you want to go is it? It is not as if this is a pleasure trip?" he sighed as he walked run to her side of the bed and she rose to greet him.

His hands were quickly on her waist and their noses were touching.

She sighed. She and Victor had begun because of a stupid drunken kiss a day when she had felt the last thing in the world that Shawn Brady had wanted was the family and the life that they had built together.

But just then she did not think she had ever felt as loved and supported by him.

"No – no, of course it isn't," she said as shut her eyes and kissed him deeply.

When she had been with Victor is was so easy to get wrapped up in their plans for the wonderful time which they were going to have together when they were gone… but right there and then, all she could think of was Shawn and the children and how much she was going to miss the four of them when they were apart.

She felt Shawn apply a little pressure on her and she welcomed it, lying down on the bed as his hands sort to spare her night gown the effort of concealing her body.

The children were asleep. They were home and the world was quiet.

Why should they not do what married couples did?

She wanted to be with him and it was as she lay in his arms afterwards that for the first time she found she was able to put what was to come out of her mind.

All she had to think about was how comfortable she was with her husband's arms about her, him laying lazy kisses on her bare shoulders.

"I love you."

"Oh, I love you too sweetheart," she responded without thought. "I really love you."

"I am going to be heart sick for you, you know? I am going to be lost without you."

"The time is going to go fast. I am going to be back where I belong before you even know it."

"It is going to be too long for me either way."

They were quiet after that and she knew he had shut his eyes.

This dear, good man of hers.

In the morning he was going to be gone. He was going to be on the dock and she was going to get the kids to school and then her mother would come for Kayla.

That was the way she had arranged it.

And then she was going to step out of what she knew and loved and risk it all for something which she _could_ love.

And she hated herself more than ever because even then there was something which was kicking in her stomach, excited beyond words at the thought of time with Victor.

Real time – time to be alone and to love.

The thought of losing Shawn filled her with so much dread she was terrified.

And yet the thought of never being with Victor made her feel hopeless.

She was playing the fire.

She had accepted that a long time ago.

Now all she was able to do was pray no one she loved would be burnt.

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	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Caroline was ready she thought as she looked in the mirror.

The next stop for her was Greece.

Within the next five minutes Victor she was going to go and meet Victor.

And he was all she had to consider for the next two weeks… that was a pleasant thought.

Especially after the morning she had had.

When she had woken up she had thought about how lovely it was to go to sleep in the arms of her husband the night before.

And how much she wanted just one more cuddle before she left…

But of course, by the time she got up he was gone and all there was in the bed next to her was a big empty hole where he should be…

Which reminded her of one of the reasons she was doing this.

She wanted a man who cared about more than work, that was what she had thought and said when she had fallen for Victor. She did not believe that was all her love did care about now but she had gone too far to turn back…

And so she had stroked the hole in the bed where Shawn should lay before she had got up and dressed Kayla.

She was not sure whether it was due to the nerves or down to the excitement of what she was doing, but that day she had woken up early and so she found she could spend a little more time with her little one.

Kayla seemed most bemused when she got down to the living room and found that her cheering circle from the night before were no longer there. Caroline had no doubt that if she had her way then they would all stay at home all day and just watch her toddle up and down the carpet until she collapsed for a nap.

Caroline smiled sadly for Kayla but she couldn't change the fact her father and siblings had to go to work and school.

So she got the elder two up and got them their breakfast.

Just as he had said he was going to be Roman was very stoic about the whole situation and did everything which his mother asked of him without having to be asked twice.

Kimberly was a different story.

From the moment she got up to the moment she left the house she had puffy eyes.

And when they got to the school gates it was as if they were back at her very first day and she clung to her knowing that when she got in that night she was not going to be there.

"I do not want you to go and leave me mama!" she said into her ear quietly.

Caroline felt her heart drop.

"But it is not going to be for very long my dear. And you are going to have your father and your brother and your sister for company. And I need to know when I am away looking after your aunt Peg that you are looking after them at home," she sighed as she rocked her back and forth a little. "I love you so much, my beautiful daughter. And I know you are more than brave enough to deal with this."

And she was. Still, it made for a miserable walk home.

She comforted herself by reminding herself that this day was always going to have to come when she did have to leave the kids for an extended period of time and they would have all had to get used to that one day or another.

She had just brought that date of it forward a little.

Then her mother had come for her youngest daughter.

Strangely enough that was when Caroline had had a hard time letting go. The elder two were so much more independent. And as much as Kayla loved to think she was running off to her own independence the fact she was she was still very much her mother's baby.

She was not yet a year old and the apron strings were just cutting.

"You know you do not have to do this. You do not have to let her go. You can tell this man who ever he is to go on this trip without you and you can stay here and do your duty by your kids and your husband."

There was a pleading in her mother's voice which she did not think she had ever heard before.

She hated that she was the one to put it there.

But she had come this far. After all the months of uncertainty as to whether to go or not she had come to a decision and she had managed to plan this far ahead.

No. There was not turning back.

"I love you, my darling girl." She said as she kissed jher forehead and gave her a smile which was returned.

Kayla left the house in the arms of her grandmother.

And then there was nothing but to wait for the moment - for Victor. She left the market, walked up the road to where they had said they were going to meet. There was still a chance she might have been seen but at the end of the day she was known these parts as the loyal wife of Shawn Brady. There was no reason for her to be spied upon. There had been no car pulling up outside her house.

He looked delighted when he saw her. As if all of this was beyond the very wildest of his dreams.

"You were not sure I was going to come," she realised as she looked at his face.

"But I am so very glad you did."

Still, it was only when they were on their way to the airport that Caroline felt she was able to relax.

It was for now all over. The stress of it all of it.

But then in some ways, it was all just beginning she thought to her, as Victor held her hand in between both of his as they were driven to the airport. Not the stress but the joy. And certainly the time they had together.

"I feel as if we are going on our honeymoon," he admitted as he leaned over and kissed her forehead.

"It does feel something like that doesn't it?"

She was the one who would know, not him.

They had certainly waited enough to be together.

He scooted closer to her and wrapped her up in his arms.

"It does. And it is only going to feel more like that as the time goes on I promise," he said as he continued to kiss her in a manner which suggested he had been denied the pleasure for far too long.

"I am going to make sure that the two of us have the happiest time of our lives together." he promised.

Because he knew if he did that then he had a whole lot more chance of making this a very much more permeant arrangement.

He knew she was a good catholic women but he also knew just how much she felt for him… if she did not then she would never had got into the car with him that day. If she didn't then she would be at home but as it was he felt he had a real chance to make sure she knew the two of them could have something which was very much real between them.

It did not have to be a one-time thing.

By the time that they had got to the airport any thought of hiding their affection for one another was forgotten. They walked through to private longue hand in hand.

The only moment of embarrassment for Caroline came when she had to hand over her passport. It stated the truth she was trying to deny right then – that she was Mrs Brady. It was written in black and white as plain as day.

And the man she was travelling was very much was not Mr Brady.

But Victor told her not to worry about it and she didn't. The women who checked them in had no connection to their family. No way of knowing who her Mr Brady was.

Never the less when they got on the private jet, Caroline felt she could finally fully relax and let down the last of her barrier.

Soon enough they were not even going to be on American soil. They were going to be high above it in the clouds and then they were going to be in Greece. She was going to go to the continent.

She remembered that first dinner she had had with Victor when he had spent so much of it telling her all about his travels.

And here she was just a few months later going on one of his trips with him.

It was beyond all of her dreams. All the wishes which she had had were coming true, she thought as a light supper of cracks and cheese and grapes were brought out to them.

"This is divine," She said as she sat in the crook of his arm.

"I am glad you are enjoying it."

"I just – I just cannot believe this is all happening to me. And I can't think how I am ever going to able able to pay you back."

It was the truth. She certainly could not do so in monetary value and he knew that.

But that was when she caught the look that was on his face.

"Is that why you think I am doing this? For some sort of pay back?"

She shook her head. "That came out all wrong."

"Caroline, I am doing this so I can have just a little bit of uninterrupted time with the woman I love."

She recalled the night when he had first proposed this trip. And the way he had spoken about all the art that they were going to see and all the sights.

"And that is exactly what you'll have…"

She cupped his cheek for just a moment before she moved closer and kissed his deeply. He had had to wait and wait and wait…

Just the same way she had but there was not going to be any waiting any more.

That became clear when his hand sought her blouse.

They were high in the air. There could be no one else in the world for all they knew.

And there was nothing left in the world to stop them.

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	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Caroline awoke in her first day in Greece at what she would have considered an ungodly hour if she were still at home.

The sun was high in the sky and the day was wasting.

She thought about the morning routine she had at home. Kayla and the school run and the missing Shawn.

She did not have to do any of that just then.

She rolled over to the other side of the bed and felt her body collide softly with another warm one.

A smile appeared on her lips. Now that was a very welcome change indeed she thought as her mind drifted away from home and back to the present.

"Good morning," she said to Victor.

"Good morning my dear," he purred as he ran a hand through her hair and then brush it back, kissing her as he did so.

"Oh it is, isn't it?" she asked.

It was a good morning for the two of them.

It was going to continue to be.

After they had got dressed on the plane once more, the two of them had continued to act like honeymooners.

Caroline had known that Victor could be sweet when he chose to be but she also knew that the words which he had said to her where going to live in her soul forever. She did not like to think she was a vain woman thought after everything she had said and done but thought lately she did not think that she could deny it.

It was not just what he said that had convinced her that going to Greece was something which she had to do whether it was right or wrong. It was the way that he made her feel. It was this passion between them and she did not think she was ever going to be able to deny that passion.

Nor did she think she would want to.

By the time they had touched down in Greece it was nearly night time. They had taken off from Salem just after eleven. They had got to Greece just before seven.

Caroline had never been any where she had had to face such a time jump before.

She did not think she could put it into words just how new all of this was for her.

Victor, who was well use to all of this, was patient with his travelling companion as she marvelled at the things which were perfectly ordinary to him. He did not think he was ever going to be able to put it into words, just what a joy it was to see her discover a whole new part of the world.

By the time they had gone to bed she was exhausted and Caroline had slept the sleep of the dead until she had woken in a beautiful room, which smelt of the flowers which adorned it.

"What do you want to do today?" Victor said as he stroked her cheek.

"Everything and nothing all at once!" she beamed as she tried to work out if she wanted to go out in to the city of to just lay by the pool and be at his side.

He settled down beside her and she was blissfully reminded by that that she did not have to make her choice right then.

They had all the time in the world.

X x x

Caroline's suspicions she had never been any where like this before had been confirmed when she got to Victor's family villa the previous evening.

It was everything which she had thought it was going to be.

Light, airy, Grecian. It was Spartan and clean and as a mother the first thing which she noticed was the lack of toys.

She was not going to have to clean anything before she went to bed that night and that was an odd feeling.

"So do you think you are going to be able to be happy here?" asked Victor.

It struck her that he had asked the question as if the two of them were moving into this place of a regular basis.

Which they were not – it was just a holiday, she reminded herself, or the piece of herself which was already rebelling and worrying about her kids.

"Yes." She said with a wide smile as she blocked out everything which was going to be spoil the mood.

And she did think that for the time they had together they were going to be happy here.

They could be as happy here as anywhere…

She turned and went into his waiting arms, from where she had been looking out the window.

"You have no idea how long I have waited for this –" he sighed as he kissed her freely. "For it to be just you and me and no one else."

It felt wonderful to know at least for the days to come they were going to be the centre of each other's universes.

In many ways he had been right what he had said in the car.

This did feel like a second honeymoon to her.

The only problem was she was not with her husband.

X x x

"Do you think mom is having a good time with Auntie Peg?"

"Well, I do not think they are having a good time as your auntie has been poorly but it will have been better for her to have your ma there with her, and she should be on the road to recovery soon," Shawn tried to comfort his son. Or at least he surely hoped she was. If it was not selfish which he was fairly sure it was. But there was no two ways about it, he was already ready for his wife to come home.

Molly and his mother had been grand as had Caroline's mother, if she had been a little quiet. Every now and then he had caught her looking at him in an odd manner and it had almost got to their point where he wanted to say it was not his fault her daughter was gone.

Roman had been very brave since his ma had been away and so had their lovely girls but Kimberly and Kayla had asked for a lot more which he knew was only natural. The girls were so young.

For Shawn it had been an interesting game of role reversal. Suddenly he was not the parent who could claim to have the most novelty value... And he was not sure he liked it and if this was what his beloved Caroline had to put up with on a daily basis then it was no wonder she grew tired of it.

Still there son was only six.

"But momma is not going to get sick?" Shawn did not know. Now he came to think of it he was not even sure what his wife had said her aunt was sick with.

But that was not the way to go about comforting his son.

"Of course not. Auntie Peg is a lot older and your mother is as healthy as a horse," he must have said it with a degree of confidence for it did not take his lad a lot of time to accept the argument with a nod. Still Shawn did not like to see his lad upset or in distress. That was one of the things he just could not stand and he knew he had change it if he could. "What do you think of coming out with your dad on the boats this weekend?"

"Dad that would be so cool!"

"That's settled then – grandma can watch the girls and my number one and I can have a bit of lad's time."

Roman raced off in a much better mood and the truth was Shawn could not wait for it either.

Anything to take his mind off how much he missed Caroline and that was a lot better way than most.

X x x

Even though he was on holiday with Caroline, Victor could not deny that now he was back at home he did want to see his family. Initially the idea of them going out socialising with other people made Caroline feel nervous but when Victor reminded her they were the only ones who had any links to Salem, she did begin to feel a bit more comfortable with the idea.

And it might be a good thing for them to get out and see others.

You could be with once person for too long.

So on the fifth night of their trip they drove from Victor's villa (for he had been the one to inherit their fathers home) down to his brothers smaller but no less lovely one.

"The Kiriakis' do live like princes don't they?" she asked to be met by soft laughter.

"Are you finally working that out my love?" he hummed, as they walked up to the impressive villa. The door opened his brother came out to him. This was the way he wanted them to live permanently.

"Victor is so good to see you," Alex beamed.

"As it is you." The two men embraced like he brothers they were.

Alex Kiriakis Caroline thought to herself had to be the kind brother. As much as she loved Victor she was only to aware he had an edge to him.

But Alex did not and she had a feeling he lived an altogether more wholesome life. This seemed to be confirmed by the dark haired beauty who followed him out of the house.

So this, she thought, was Christina. When Victor had said they were going to see his brother and sister in law he had said his brother had done very well for himself and now she could see why – the villa, the drive, his beautiful wife. She had to admit she felt quite a plain Jane in comparison.

But if Christina saw that then she did not show it.

"You must be the lovely Caroline – we have heard so much about you!"

She could not have been more welcoming as she put an arm through hers and walked wither to the house.

"Victor was told us so much about you!" grinned Christina. "How are you finding being in Greece? I knew he could not wait to bring you here."

"We are having a wonderful time. It is so kind of you to invite us for the night."

"Oh nonsense. I can't tell you what a pleasure it is for us to have you here. And I know how important it is to Victor."

Just as it had been on every night of their trip to date it was a warm pleasant night even if it was boarding on a little bit humid….

She was more than happy to sit on the veranda and while away the evening with them.

"You know it was always mamas hope you were going to find a nice Greek girl. But your American seems like the kind of girl she would like," Alex said as he and his brother walked behind the women.

"I think so too," Victor offered with a nod.

He was glad his brother had taken to her from the first but he was yet to really know her… at least he had a strong point to start from.

"So Caroline, Victor said you went to art school," said Christina.

Victor gave her a look to say she was not to quiz her too much but he had brought her here so they could all get to know one another.

"Yes, I did though it was many moons ago now."

"What do you do now?"

She couldn't very well say that she worked in her husband's fish market.

And so on the way over she and Victor had come up with a cover story.

It suddenly struck her they were only going to get to know a lie that night when she was with them.

"I work in a typing pool."

"And you did some work for Victor and he feel at your feet?" Alex made a guess.

"I am afraid not – I knew Victor from the first time he came over to the states."

"Indeed, our romance should have begun a lot sooner – but she did like to keep me on my toes."

They all laughed at that though Caroline knew that was truly what he believed.

He took her hand and she let him hold it.

She had not realised how lovely it was going to be to be a couple in public.

"How long has it been going on?"

"A few months…"

"And where is it going?" Alex asked clearly really asking if they were going to be hearing the sound of wedding bells any time soon.

Victor brother gave him a stern look and Caroline drank her wine.

Where could it possibly go?

Victor changed the subject to Caroline's delight and she was soon be regaled from tales of their childhood and then she heard Christina's and Alex's romance.

It sounded as if she had been the girl next door and her husband considered himself a very lucky man to have won her hand in the end.

"But of course we were always going to be together, it was written in the stars long before we were born," Christine said with a shrug as if it was obvious.

"Do you really believe in all that?" asked Caroline.

"Of course – don't you?" she asked as she nodded at Victor and for the first time since she had got there she felt as if she was uncomfortable. Caroline shifted in her chair.

She was sure she had not meant to be harsh and it had a lot more all together to do with her own guilt than anything else.

Yet it did feel as if it was a rebuke for all her sins which she knew numbered more by the day.

The silence was broken not by an adult voice but by the cry of a baby. Caroline felt the instinctive need to go and comfort the child and for a moment she could swear blind that that was the cry of her Kayla… but if her child was crying then she was far too far away to hear.

Christina got off her chair.

"Poor baby – it's his teeth, I am sure of it."

She disappeared inside for just a moment and when she came back she did so with a baby who was clearly sleep warmed and groggy and Caroline wanted nothing in the world as much as she wanted to hold him or better still Kayla.

She had a craving for her daughter right then.

And it was the most powerful thing she had known in she did not know how long.

"This is my little Justin," sighed Christina as she hugged the little grizzly one who she loved with all her heart.

"As you can see he is of the same temperament as his uncle," teased Alex.

Victor threw his brother a look but said nothing. His face shone with love for the baby though.

"He is growing up healthy and strong?"

"Yes he is," said Alex with pride.

"I am glad to hear it!"

Christina passed the baby to her husband and excused herself once more to go and get the little ones bottle.

"Honestly never try and entertain with little ones around," she said with a happy sigh which said she did not mind the struggle at all really.

"Victor is of the opinion we should get a nanny," Alexander explained once his wife was gone.

It was obvious what he thought of that suggestion to as he cooed over his boy.

She could not agree more. She had never understood the point of having kids if you here just going to pay someone else to bring them up. She liked to think that even if she and Shawn were rich they would still bring them up as they did. Right by their sides.

"And you?"

"I do not want to miss being with him for a day."

Caroline felt vaguely sick. Both of the Kiriakis' were clearly very devoted parents.

Christina came back out the house with a bottle, reclaimed her boy and kissed her husband's lips in recompense.

It was not too long until the child was happily sucking away as he looked up at his mother adoringly.

Caroline longed for all of her kids but especially for Kayla right then, for the comforting weight of her in her lap.

The men were talking on their own so Christina took a chance to talk to Caroline.

"It is the best thing in the world being a mum."

She could only long to agree and say yes it was but there was no real scope for that right then.

"Do you see yourself with children in the future?" Christina asked. It was as she said that the two Kiriakis brother wondered off together saying they were going to the cellar to pick out another bottle of red wine.

"Oh yes,"

"And a husband?"

"It's wonderful to be married."

Caroline nodded as she reached out and stroked little Justin's head.

"But then maybe you already know what it is to be married," Christina said as she gave a nod to Caroline's hand.

If she had truly not wanted to give the ruse away then she should have taken off her wedding band and indeed since they had left America, Victor had suggested it to her more than once.

When the two of them had been going about one of the markets he had not put it too delicately and just pointed out that whoever she was when she was in Greece she was not Mrs Brady and if she was then she was on the wrong continent.

She had had a hard time trying to repute that one.

Still try as she might she could not take the band off. It was her one link to home as and as long as she kept the band on her finger then maybe there was just one way in which she was being loyal to Shawn. True it was not enough to wipe out all the bad and all the damage she had done to the two of them lately but she told herself that it was something and so it was.

So lost in her thoughts had she been that she had not yet answered Christina and by doing so she definitely had.

Caroline opened and closed her mouth a little but Christina shook her head.

"I am not going to judge you – I know there is too much judgement in this world already one way or another but I will say it is not like Victor to bring home a woman and I have never known him involved with a married woman before."

She did not know if it proved the depth of his feeling or the depth of his stupidity, thought Caroline.

"When the two of us were young we courted a little." She admitted to her. "If it was not for the past then oi would not be here –"

"I am not your husband. You do not have to justify yourself to me."

She shook her head as she was faced with the truth. "Even if I did try and justify myself to my husband I know I couldn't," sighed Caroline.

The two women looked at each other for there was nothing left to say. Caroline had spoken nothing but the truth. Christina rocked back and forth with her son in her arms and vowed never to be caught as Caroline had been.

X x x

"Are you ok my love?" asked Victor as the two of them drove back to the villa.

The sun had set a long time ago and to her it seemed as if they could be the only ones in the world but they weren't and they were the ones she missed right then…

She gave a nod.

Still he was unable to let his worry for her go. She had been quiet during the latter part of the evening.

"What is it?"

When the two of them had been so close of late it did not seem realistic or sensible to keep the truth from him.

"Seeing Christina with little Justin tonight has made me miss the children is all."

She knew when they did leave here she was going to have a hard time feeling too sorry about it. Yes she was going to miss him when they had had such a glorious time together but she longed for her babies as it was - she did not know what she was going to be a like in weeks' time.

"It must be rather strange to be away from them."

Caroline nodded. It was when they normally - well, what took up all her time.

Suddenly when she thought of another week relaxing she did not know what she was going to do with all the time.

But she had no doubt the time would pass and pleasantly too.

Tomorrow was going to be another hot day.

"It is," was all the answer she would allow herself.

They drove the rest of the way back in peace and silence, both of them wondering if anything had changed that night.

It hadn't.

X x x

The week passed more quickly than Caroline had ever imagined a week could. They did say that time flew when you were having fun and at this point she could only agree.

They had gone in to the city, they had gone to the beach, she was sure they had walked for miles. And they had spoken – about books and motion pictures and she had had a chance to buy some new clothes. Even as she had selected them she knew she wasn't going to be able to where them much at home and if she did then she was going to have to introduce them very slowly, for if she did not then they were going to raise too many questions.

But by the time their break begun to draw to a close Caroline felt as if she had had a real rest and as if she and Victor had had some real time together.

The biggest problem was now she had no idea what came next for them.

Victor on the other hand was already making plans.

X X X

"Caroline, listen to me my darling," said Victor as the two of them walked across the sand together.

"I am listening." She promised.

"Tomorrow is the last day we have together here and I – I want you to think about that."

" _The truth is I have been having such a wonderful time here I have been trying to not think about it."_

That was the response she should say she knew. That was the lover's response and that was the reason she had come. So that the two of them could be true lovers and that was just what they had done.

This time for the two of them had been a blessing.

But as time begun to march on she would be an even bigger liar she knew if she denied to herself that her heart had begun to turn towards home.

She had seen some of the most beautiful works of art and she had even picked up a paint brush herself for the first time in years, and she had had a chance to read and listen to beautiful music…

But the treasure which she had in Salem was unmatched…

He kissed her forehead.

"I want you to think about – about a future in which this does not have to be our last day here together."

"What are you saying?"

"I am saying that I have fallen more and more in love with you with every day that the two of us have passed here and that I am not ready for us to end. I am never going to be either. Caroline, I want the two of us to get married. I want you as my wife."

She felt as if she could have stopped dead in her tracks.

She knew if she was the heroine in one of Molly's books she probably would have swooned in to his arms just then and said yes that was just what she wanted and it was always going to be what she wanted… but she had a husband already.

And as it was, she was not feeling as if she was very heroic just then.

"Victor you know I can never be your wife. I am married to Shawn."

In the eyes of god she was always going to be his wife. And he was always going to be her husband.

And it was not just the case that that was what god thought. It was what she thought to. She did not think she could be otherwise - not for a long period of time. What the she and Victor had had there was magic but she was well aware it was only a blip.

"For now. That can change."

She did not think so. And she did not think she could divorce Shawn in all seriousness. But after all she and Victor had been to one another…. She couldn't just shut down this conversation either.

"What about the children?"

"They could come here. I would love them for your sake."

"No." she shook her head.

She had already done so much wrong. But the kids were her husband's air.

Shawn lived for his family and he would not tolerate any one trying to take them from him, she knew that. It would be the one time she was scared of what he would do.

And they were such wonderful children who deserved to be loved for their own sakes.

"Just think about the education we could give to Roman and the girls here."

But she knew those children already.

Their hearts belonged to herself and to Shawn.

"And may be one day we could give them a baby brother of sister." He sighed as he rested his forehead on hers.

She sighed deeply as the setting sun lowered.

Could she imagine that life? After everything else she had done of late which had surprised her, that was not the hardest thing to do.

Yes she could. And she knew he believed what he was saying to be true.

Maybe he could in a way come to adopt and love her children as his own. Maybe the two of them could make beautiful sons and daughters together.

But when she thought of that life, all she could really see was a man crippled for life. Her man. Her good man.

"I will think about it."

She was not ready to break the spell which the two of them had been under since they had arrived – but she knew in her heart of hearts she was never going to leave Shawn for Victor.

She couldn't. She had had to come round the world to realize that her hearts dearest lay at her side every night and had done for years.

That was not to say she would give up what she and Victor had shared for anything in the world…. But she knew herself better know.

There would be no second trip to Athens, no more time with Alexander, Christina and baby Justin.

She was going to go home.

But tonight was theirs…. just this one last day and night where they could be together.

 _Please review!_


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Victor Kiriakis felt like the king he had been raised to be at the moment.

He was in his own land where he had been born and breed, he was in the family home where his father had reigned before he did. And now at last he had Caroline here.

Though he was sure nothing was settled yet, he had a sneaking suspicion she was not going to want to go back to the fish market after she had been here.

She was going to want a bit more to her life.

She could bring the children she had already had – he had no qualms about that and would quite like some little ones running about the place. There was no good in denying the fact he would rather they were his little ones than another man's but there were ways to manage these things.

All he had to do now was wait for her to come to him and say yes – they were going to be together, their love would endure and their family would grow.

He'd never be so sure anything would come to pass in his life.

It was true this was a trip for pleasure for as soon as Caroline had said she would go away with him he knew his love would rightly be his focus and so she was.

But when his cousin came and asked a favour he knew from the off he was not going to deny as for one he was family and for another if there was one thing which he could not stand it was disrespect for his family name.

The perfect time in which to help his cousin presented when Caroline was getting ready for dinner.

"Why don't you tell me what I can do to help cousin… and I will see what I can do."

X x x

It was as she was putting on her earrings at the vanity table that Caroline she something wasn't right.

All she knew was she was able to hear someone crying out in pain and thudding noises as though they were being hit. She crept down the stairs and she saw her imaginings were true and it felt to her like a nightmare.

This could not be. Through his injuries she could see that he was not very old – he could not be out of his early twenties yet if he was not still a teenager.

He was the same age as the men who courted Molly and they seemed like children to her.

She wanted to run down the final stairs and help him somehow but there was something within her which said she knew much, much better.

That was when she settled on a plan. She was going to go and get Victor he would stop all this. He was king here and this was his place so surely whoever those thugs were they were going to listen to him.

She turned and was about to run up the stairs when she heard a voice.

"Do you think he has learnt his lesson yet?"

"Oh I should think so cousin."

She did not know too much in that moment but a she did know she wanted to be sick.

X x x

After it was all done, Victor made his way up stairs to the bed room which he and Caroline had been sharing since they had got to Greece, in a fresh suit.

If this was truly to be there last night together then they had to make it special.

And so he had booked a table for them at his favourite restaurant. He had taken the advice of an old cliché and he had made sure he had saved the best for last.

This was his last ditch attempt to woo her away from Salem for ever.

He knew when he had first tried to plead his case for her coming to Greece to live with him he had left her a little cold. But the feeling that it was going to happen was beginning to be just stronger and stronger in him all of the time.

This was between the two of them and he was sure that meant that anything was possible.

It was even possible that she might love him enough to throw everything else over.

Truly there was no one else in the world who could make such a silly old romantic of him. And of that he was glad. For she was so unique and so wonderful that he was sure she should stand above and beyond everything else and every one else.

That was his Caroline.

All he had to do now was wait for their life to truly begin.

He knocked on the door and did not wait to be called in for it was not as if the two of them had been standing on any great ceremony since they had got to Greece.

But what he saw once he had entered the room horrified him.

Caroline had her case on the bed and it looked as if she was packing it.

"My love we can do this in the morning or one of the maids can – we are meant to be enjoying our last night together!"

That was when she turned to him.

She had tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Caroline?"

"I am not going to enjoy anything with you! Never again," she said as she all but ripped the dresses which she had brought with her from there hangers and put them in to her suit case. "Ever!"

"Darling I do not understand…"

"Of course you don't. Any normal person would but not you."

"Now you stop this right now and you talk to me," he said as he crossed the room and took her hands in his. She recoiled, flinching away.

He froze.

"I am not going to hurt you… Caroline, I could never, ever hurt you…"

"And what about that poor man down stairs? You could hurt him."

Suddenly it all became so clear to him. He shut his eyes.

"That was just some business which had to be taken care of. That was nothing for you to worry about."

"Just business? Nothing for me to worry about?" she asked as if disbelieving that he was saying this words. "He was a boy – nothing more than a boy and you thought he deserved to be treated like that."

"Do not allow that to wreck everything which we have had here."

"How can it not?"

"Damn it Caroline you have always known who I am. You always knew what I did even if we did not talk about it. Do not come and play the innocent with me, not now."

She nodded.

She knew that was what she had been doing. Up until now – until her hand had been forced – she had done all she could to shut her eyes to this part of him. She had not liked it and so she had pretended it did not exists.

And by so doing she had betrayed her marriage vow for a lie.

"Now I am still the man you feel in love with…"

Well he was the same boy and she had fallen in love with him. But she did not think she was ever going to be able to see him in the same way.

He was a violent thug as he stood before her now.

And she could not shake the thought that that poor bloody and bruised boy…

To some women out there, he was what Roman was to her.

He was her whole world and her baby.

She was a mother no matter where she was.

"I just want to go home."

She just wanted to read Goodnight Moon to her little ones and say their prays with them. She wanted to wash Romans dirty uniform and braid Kimberly's hair. She wanted to know how many steps her Kayla could take in a row.

"Oh, do not be so disappointing now."

More than any of the rest of it she wanted to be in Shawn's arms.

His embraces were - they were wonderful. He was so strong and tender all at once that her heart broke for him. When she was in his arms she knew how loved she was, how determined he was to make everything in the world right for her and the littles ones.

He was the most wonderful man and she only prayed he could forgive her one day.

A tear splashed on to her cheek.

She heard Victor huff and could see out the corner of is eye him shaking his head.

"I love you!"

But she could not find the strength to say the words back. She did love him. But she could not tell him so…

Victor struggled to take his leave for a while but once he did Caroline headed over to the bed and for the first time since the first night the two of them had kissed she just sobbed.

She lay on the bed and she cried.

Mainly because she was not sure what she had been thinking.

She hadn't been thinking. She had made excuses instead of reasons and she had swept aside every doubt.

And she had become someone she should never have been.

X x x

"Are we still going home today?"

For a moment Caroline had feared Victor was going to keep her there.

But he looked at her with confusion in his expression. "Do you not know me at all? I would never hold you against your will. We are flying home as soon as the jet is ready."

"I used to think I knew you but now I don't," she said with a sigh.

He had been quite right the day before. Deep down she had always known who he was ever since they had been young, but as long as the two of them had been sweet and loving to one another she had been willing to ignore it. She could tell herself he was good and kind and it was all going to stop because she loved him. She had been so stupid and she heard the way that all of that sounded but she had no choice now…

Maybe it was herself she had not known.

But he was not the kind of man to stop.

"Caroline please do not let this wreck everything."

"I think it is far too late for that. Yesterday showed me that I was living in a dream and it is time to wake up."

And waking up to her reality was not so bad.

"So is this your answer to my question?"

He had all but got down on one knee and asked her to be his wife.

"We both knew deep down that I was never going to marry you Victor."

"I didn't." he said as he looked up at her with wide eyes.

He had genuine fooled himself there was a chance for the two of them to make something of what had been between them and – and he had looked forward to a future together.

"I am Shawn's – "

"Wife, believe me you have made that very clear."

She touched her wedding ring.

"But I am not just his wife. I am the mother of three of his children. God willing one day I will give him more. And though not a very good one lately, I am also his friend."

"And there was me thinking we were friends."

She sighed. He was not going to make this easy on her and for that she did not blame him.

But it would not change the outcome.

"I am always going to be your friend. But I cannot be anything else." The time for that was passed.

"Are you finishing with me?"

Was she leaving him?

He looked her right in the eye and she saw the moment his heart broke. But if she needed any resolution then all she had to do was to think of the night before and she found it.

For a moment time seemed to be suspended. And then it started again and for the first time in along time she saw was the rest of the world saw.

His mask was back on.

"We will leave for Salem as soon as we can – and you can get back to being a fisherman's wife," he sneered.

For the last two weeks she had lived as a princess would and he was never going to understand her choice to go back to that man and that life.

More fool her as far as he was concerned.

He'd find someone younger, prettier and with more ambition.

And even as he told himself that he knew he was never ever be fully satisfied without Caroline Brady.

He left the room and a tear splashed on to her cheek and Caroline did not know what she was mourning for.

The two of them or the woman she had been before he had come back into her life.

She only hoped she was going to be able to find her way back to her for if she could not then so much was going to get spoiled along the way.

X x x

The flight back to Salem could only be called painful. Whereas on their way to Greece, they had cozied up together and held each other tight the whole way, Victor and Caroline barely spoke at all.

She knew she was going to miss his friendship.

But at the end of the day the price she had had to pay for it would be too high. And she could never forget or forgive what he really was.

X x x

Caroline's heart burst as she saw the Fish Market come into view.

She had seen so many sights over the last week and she had thought they were so magnificent but she swore as long as she lived nothing was ever going to match up to this for she now knew nothing could match up to the sight of her home.

She did not want any longer than she had to to go inside though.

As soon as she shut the door behind her, Caroline shut her eyes.

God she did not think it had ever been so good to be home.

In her own little part of the world. Where she was queen.

She would never ever take that for granted again.

She passed the coats and the shoes in the hall ways, Shawn's much larger mixed in with the children's small garments.

She noted the hats and the gloves and the scarves. After two weeks of glorious sun shine with was going to be bizarre to be once more back in winter but wonderful none the less.

She walked on it to the living room and saw there were toys all over the floor, a hard night's play having just been undertaken.

When she was home she was always sure to clear them up night before the next morning but this had been Molly's job for the last two weeks and she had done it differently.

It was not going to take her to long to get the house back to how she liked it and she begrudged her sister in law not at all. She had clearly kept the house full of laughter.

And full of the family love which had always filled it up for her and for Shawn and the kids.

It was going to be a gift to them to be back together.

It was going to be a gift to her, as they were.

It was going to wipe out the horror of what she had felt the last few days had been.

And they were going to replace it with some thing which was so beautiful.

That was the power which her family had for her. They had the power to wipe away any horror to make any blue day she had to endure sunny.

And she had lost sight of that time and time again but no more.

Right then there was nothing more in the world she desired but to go up to her room and curl up with her husband, to hear his strong heart beating in his chest.

But she had got back to the house in the middle of the night and he did not think she was going to be getting back in until the next day.

If she went up there right then she knew she risked frightened him half to death and she was not going to do that.

And so she sat down on the kitchen table and put her head in her hands.

It was over. It was all over she told her self – and soon enough she was going to be able to move past it all.

 _It was over._

 **Please review!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Caroline felt a hand on her cheek.

For one awful moment she thought she was back in Greece and that.

That poor boy.

"No!" she all but cried as she sat straight up and tried to gather her bearings.

She and Victor had had a fight and they had come home. She was sure she had got back to the market apartment the night before.

Which meant…

"Caroline, it's just me!"

And then she was anchored in a way she had not been for two weeks. She felt the world spin right on its axis and threw herself forward.

"I missed you!"

"Oh, I missed you too my darling," said Shawn as he laughed a little, rocking back and forth to catch his balance as she put her arms about him.

How blessed she was to have done what she had done and still have something which was so precious to come back to you.

"Well I missed you too – more than I can even say, but sweetheart…. You're trembling." Shawn realised has he held her tight. "It was just a bad dream, nothing more."

She had to been having a bad dream.

Caroline swallowed. She wished it had been. She wished the last few months were nothing but a bad dream from which she could wake.

In that case, if they were then she was still going to be a loyal wife to Shawn and a good mother to the kids and she had made so many mistakes she did not know how she was ever going to forgive herself.

"What time is it?"

"Just gone half five. I am on my way out." He told her and she felt her stomach drop.

Somewhere inside a voice said she had just got him back.

She couldn't…

"I don't want you to go."

She wanted him to stay right there where she could see him and feel him.

"Come on now I have got to go to work, my darling. I am going to be back tonight," Shawn said as he pulled back. "How is your Aunt Peg?"

But by the time he had pulled back her cover story and her woes worried her the least of all because of him – he was not looking well.

"Shawn… Shawn what the matter?"

He was always pale – he was Irish after all – but this was beyond that.

The two of them had known each other for years and she did not think she had ever seen him so pale. Certainly not in the time which the two of them had been married.

When she had been away she had been worried about one of the kids getting sick and her not being there but she had not thought she was going to have to worry about him.

He was as strong as an ox normally but as she sat in his arms, she realised that even ox's got sick.

"It is nothing a bit of hard work is not going to put right."

"Are you sure it is not hard work that has not got you in to this state to begin with?" she said as she felt his forehead.

"Darling, you're clammy, you are pale go back to bed."

"And so are we going to send Roman out for the fish?" he asked, his tone a little sharper. "I am going to see you tonight. We'll have a nice dinner to catch up."

She knew when he was in this mood he was not to be reasoned with…

He was as stubborn as a bull.

Yet he was perceptive too when he wanted to be.

She had just got home and the last thing which she wanted to do as fight with him.

She sighed as she felt him cup her face.

"We can have a proper catch up tonight ok?"

"But I am going to worry about you."

He smiled. "Of course the two of us worry about each other, we love each other," he reasoned.

There had not been a day when she had been out of his thoughts or of his heart.

He cupped her cheek rubbing his thumb back and forth before moving closer for a kiss. She gave it to him willingly.

"Tonight," he murmured before he got up and made his way to the door.

"Go up to bed Caroline. Get a little sleep and let Molly deal with the kids this morning."

She smiled at the care he was taking of her when he could not allow her to do likewise.

But she knew was not going to. That was the last thing in the world she wanted to do.

The fact of it was that of late she had delegated to Molly far too many times. No, she was not going to let her sister in law deal with the kids. They were her babies and it was high time she started acting like it once more.

She had let Victor take over everything – and that was on her, not on him. But he was not going to any more.

X x x

Two hours later and Victor was far away from Caroline's thought.

All that mattered what she had her Roman and her Kimberly in her arms once more.

She had got up before anyone else had. In spite of the fact she had had hardly any sleep that night nor the night before (she should have been exhausted) but as it was she was full of beans.

On returning to her room, the first thing she had done was cross to the crib.

It hit her then that Shawn had been the one getting up with Kayla in the night if there was need for he had kept her in their room with him. So that no doubt contributed to the state eh had been in that morning.

Their little girl had been sleeping like an angel when her mother had arrived and Caroline knew it was a selfish deed but she had been unable to resist leaning in and picking her up.

She was her little girl. She was her baby and she had missed her beyond what words could say. She had needed to hold her once more.

It was do good to have her in her arms again.

"Did you miss your mama as much as I missed you are your daddy my little sweet heart?" she asked as she carried her over to the bed where the two of them could snuggle for a while.

Kayla's eyes flickered open and the little girl beamed up at her, crying out with joy.

"Yes baby, mama's back. Now come cuddle for a while."

And that was just what she did. She held on to her Kayla and she kissed her and she hugged her and she spoke about all the wonderful things she had planned for them.

And she could only guess that it was the sound of her voice which had woken her elder daughter.

Kimberly's face lit up when she had come in to the room. Caroline had remembered all the times she had been foolishly jealous about how delighted their daughter always was when her pop got home from work.

But that day it was her she was delighted to see.

And her who she wanted to cling to.

"Mama!"

"Hello my darling love, how are you?" she said as she threw herself in her arms. It was so good to hold her once more.

"You are not going to go away again are you mama?" Kim had asked as she looked up at her with her beautiful big eyes.

"Did your Aunt Molly not take good care of you?"

"Oh yes, she did…" Kimmie said as she looked down, trying to find the words. Caroline begun to understand it was very hard for one as young as her daughter who did love her aunt. She finally leant back in to the crook of her mother's arms and looked up at her with her big eyes.

"She is not you mama."

Caroline felt something swell in herself. She did not think she could call it love.

It was something so much bigger than that. There had been a time when she had thought there was nothing in the world which was bigger than love and then she had had her children.

And she had come to realise that there was.

After that she had cuddled her girls for a while before she had got up and freshened up.

While she had been doing breakfast she had felt a pair of arms snake about her and had turned to find her son there.

The world had begun to right itself she realised the moment she had come home.

But it had not completely done so until she had seen her children. She had had to see her husband and her girls and her boy.

Nothing made sense without the four of them.

Nothing ever would.

"Oh my sweetheart, I missed you so much."

"I missed you to mama, but I looked after the girls with papa. Just like I said I was going to."

"Oh you did a fine job." She said as she hugged him.

She did not need to know any more to know he had been the biggest help to his father when she had been gone.

"They missed you a lot. Kimmie got upset, but I hugged her mama."

Caroline swallowed back the lump in her throat remaining herself that what she had done she was never going to be doing again.

It had been a huge mistake, nothing more.

And now the whole sorry affair was over.

School time was a nice change from lying around the morning thought Caroline. She had always thought of how nice it would be if she had the chance to be a lady of luxury but when she had had the experience, she had begun to realise why she had chosen the life which she had with the man that she had. For all her insistence that she did not like Shawn working so hard…

She was bored when she had had nothing to do, no cleaning and no market.

She had missed talking to the other mothers at the school gates and the women who came into buy their husbands meal from Brady's.

That was her world. And yes she had had an education and she wished she had more time for art.

But none of it was half as enjoyable when it all came easy.

Maybe when the kids were older she would go back to evening school.

But for that evening she did not want to be anywhere but in her own home with her own home with her own husband and with the wonderful family which together they were building.

And so it was with the promise that they were going to go back home via the park after school that Caroline managed to get both her son and her daughter to go in without tears.

That way she left her day wide open to catch up with their house, the laundry and then maybe she could go and see about relieving the young girl who had been doing her cleaning rounds in the evening.

She was going to get enough money for her family to take a trip together if it killed her.

She wanted the kids to grow up with knowledge of the world beyond Salem.

And they did not need to go as far as Greece to do that. All they had to do go to was Washington or Boston. Just somewhere different.

But they did need some time together.

When Caroline got back to the house she found Molly nursing a cup of coffee.

"There was a rumour you were back – oh Caroline, I do not think I can express in words how glad I am to see you. I mean I love looking after the kids but… how do you do it all day every day?"

"Practise," she said with a smile and laugh as she got Kayla out of the pram.

Whereas before she was sure that the little girl would have started struggling to get down, that day she was more than happy to sit on her mother hip for a while.

In fact she put her head on her shoulder and cuddled in.

Caroline kissed her head.

"Thank you so much for everything you have done for my babies over the last two weeks."

"They have been a joy to have, if a little tiring."

"Well Shawn and I worried a lot less knowing you were here."

"I am not going to lie, I can't wait to get back to my own bed for a few nights but… but I am worried about Shawn, Caroline."

She felt a sense of surety right then. When she had been on the way to school she had wondered if she had been exaggerating the way her husband had looked that morning. If her mind and the guilt had been playing tricks on her.

Now she knew it had not.

"I know – it looks as if he worked even harder than normal when I was gone."

"You know Shawn. He had his one day at the week end and apart from that…"

"I hope he got back for at least one bed time over the last couple of weeks."

"Just the Sundays… but he was so wonderful with the kids. He bathed them and he read to them and he prayed with them… I just do not think _he_ has slept much and I know he is getting a cough."

Caroline nodded. She did not think she could love Molly any more right then.

She had needed someone to be honest with her.

"Well I hope you had some help during the week."

"My mom and yours. She was great bringing meals over."

Caroline smiled. She was going to be glad to put things right with her mother. That was one of the things which had been worrying her since she had got back. Along with anything else.

Molly changed the subject back to Shawn.

"Do you think you are going to be able to get my brother to rest any time soon?" Molly asked.

"I will do my best darling. You have my word."

Caroline had said once it was her job to take care of him. It was high time she begun to do that.

X x x

Around ten thirty Molly left the Brady household for another Brady household. She was well over due some time off from the kids and Caroline find herself more than pleased to be left alone with her daughter.

She cleaned the kitchen and then she cleaned the kid's room before her heading in to her own room. It looked different in the light of day.

Shawn had clearly tried to keep in clean but as Caroline could have predicted it had not quite worked.

There were socks all over the place and mugs and glasses on his side on the bed side table on his side of the bed. She wondered over to it and smiled at the sight of his bible there, though she twitched slightly too. She wondered if he had been reading It when he had got in to bed at night.

He picked it up and saw what he had been reading…

Corinthians…

 _Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres._

She felt a lump form in her throat. That had been read at their wedding.

She had loved it when she had heard it then and she loved it when she read it then.

But it summed the two of them up. It summed _him_ up at least…

"Oh darling," she sighed as she sat down on his side of the bed.

She shook her head as she remembered what she had done to him when she had been away.

 _Never ever again._

She was going to forsake all others. Till death did they part.

She collected the glasses and the mugs he had left behind and was then alarmed.

A bottle of head ache tablets by their bed…

She felt a strange feeling in her stomach.

As if something was very wrong.

X x x

"Was that a lovely lunch, my dear? Was it?" asked Caroline as she wiped Kayla's mouth.

The little girl beamed up to her after she had tried to squirm out the way of the wash cloth. She had failed… but she had tried.

"Come on you, shall have some play time?" she asked.

Rather than put her in to the play pen where she left her when she was doing her chores, she sat down on the rug with her.

"You know I know I have said this so many times today, but do you know how I much I missed you when was gone, my dear girl? I did… I missed you and your big sister and your big brother… and your papa." She said as she smoothed back the baby's golden hair. "I am going to take care of all of you now…

"You know… mama did a bit of a bad thing. And I do not want you to tell any of the others but… but mamas wasn't with Aunt Peg," she said glad that Kayla had found her legs before her tongue. She was babbling away and could call out for her when she needed to but – but she was glad full sentences was beyond her.

"She was with a friend and – and the truth is mama shouldn't have gone to see this friend because they are not very nice. Your silly old ma lost sight of everything that matters to her, Kayla everything. I thought that I had a friend better than… well it does not matter what I thought. But I swear I never will again. It is just the five of us. That's all that matters in the world to me."

"I am very glad to hear it," she heard a voice say behind her.

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	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

"Mama!" said Caroline as she got up off of the floor and went over to embrace her mother.

Angela had to say she did not think her daughter had sounded so much like her daughter…. Well looking back on it for too long.

She went straight to her arms and embraced her.

"Tell me this madness is all done with. That is all I want for you."

"It is."

Caroline did not think she had ever seen her mother so relieved.

She was as good as her word.

As soon as the word had left her mouth she had stepped down in to the living room and embraced Caroline tighter, wrapping her arms about her.

Try as she might, the married women could not help but feel as if she was a very small girl again.

As if she had done something wrong and had been forgiven.

"And you are going to stay here?"

"Where else would I go? Everyone I love best is here. Especially, my husband."

"That's right."

"Honestly I do not know what I was thinking. I do not think I was thinking."

"Well - I may have mentioned something… but I am not here to say I told you so. I am just so glad. Shawn is a wonderful man and –"

"And I do not want any other," she said quickly and swallowed.

It was true.

For a while she had wondered if she had made the right choice when she had married her Irish man but in the end if it was Victor who had showed her that she had.

She thought she could love any one… if she had not crossed paths with her darling. She was open and affectionate she thought. But now she knew she was wrong. She could not love a brutal man.

She could only love a dear one. And that was what she had.

Yet. She had felt something for Victor. No longer did she want to name it love even though she had been willing to label it as such not so very long ago.

And whatever it was she had felt, she could not just turn off no matter how much she might want to.

But she was determined whatever it was she was not going to let it impact on her life so much anymore.

The only feelings which could impact on her life were the ones she had for Shawn.

And the one that dominated right then was worry.

"My darling, are you sure you're ok?"

"I just – I just didn't get a lot of time with Shawn this morning. Fingers crossed I can get some tonight."

"Well I am not going to say I do not think that is a good idea because I do."

She wanted her daughter and her husband to get a chance to re-bond a little bit.

Shawn might not know that they had to but she did not think it was going to hurt either way.

"Has he been ok when I was – gone." She said delicately.

Her mother shrugged her shoulders as she did not know what to tell her child.

Now she had come to the right decision she did not want to lay it on to thick with Caroline. Somehow nothing ever felt right for her when she and her child were out of sorts with each other. But then she was not going to lie to her either or cover up.

She did not feel any more comfortable with that.

"You know the man better than I do so I do not think I need to tell you he ran himself ragged when you were gone."

He had had a lot on his plate at no mistake.

Caroline shuddered.

Well, never again she thought to herself. She was home – and she would never go away like that again.

X x x

Even though Caroline would have loved nothing more than to have a little time with Kayla on her own, her mother ended up staying for the rest of the afternoon and then went on the school run with her to collect Roman and Kimberly.

The two of them were bursting with life when they came out the gates and ran straight to their mother.

Caroline relished the fact that for once in her life she was the one who had a little novelty value with her children. As such her mother offered to push the buggy while Caroline held hands with her children one either side as they told her what they had been doing at school that day.

As promised they went via the park on the way home where Angela continued to watch her youngest grandchild so Caroline could run races against the other two and push them on the swings.

On the way home, they got ice cream despite the weather still being a little cool.

Summer was on the way though. And that thought pleased Caroline beyond words.

All in all, by the time they got back home, the family were in a glorious mood.

And it would have got better. But that was when Caroline eyed two of Shawn's friends sitting on the steps waiting for her.

"Hello lads."

James took his hat off. "Caroline…"

"How's the day been?" she asked trying to deny to herself the reason why they had come.

But her mouth was already dry.

"We tried to get him to go to the hospital." Pete explained.

"Mum, take the kids back to the park," ordered Caroline as she pushed open the door.

She was well able to hear her mother calling her and the kids were asking her what was wrong but the last thing in the world she wanted was for them to see this.

Shawn hadn't made it to bed – he had not even made it past the couch.

But he was laying down at least… his eyes were shut.

And it was just four on in the afternoon.

This was her Shawn.

"Sweetheart?" she called softly.

He did not so much as turn to her. Running to the couch she took his hand in hers.

It was freezing. Raising it to her lips, she kissed it. "We have to get you to a hospital!"

"Be fine… just need to - shut eye." He murmured as he leant towards her.

But his blue eyes which were normally so full of life were milky and pale.

"No, you are not going to be ok," she said as she kissed him. Not if she let him have his way.

But for just a moment she held him.

His head felt heavy on her shoulder and she could feel his temperature through her dress.

"Oh sweetheart," she murmured kissing his brow.

The worst case scenario rushed through her head. If she lost him now… she was never going to be able to live with herself.

He had been here working day and night to give their family the best chance he could… and she had been on a beach, swimming, going to dinner with another man.

All the while. A tear streaked down her cheek.

There was a knock on the door.

Caroline did not even look to see who it was. Ultimately, it just did not matter.

"Ring an ambulance!"

Whether he liked it not, he was going to get help.

X x x

Two hours later and Caroline found herself sitting in the waiting room at university hospital.

She had got there over an hour ago. When the ambulance was rang, she had been afraid it was not going to make it in time. But after it had arrived everything had gone so fast and she was not too sure she wouldn't like to slow things down a bit.

She had ridden to the hospital in the back of the ambulance, talking to her husband gently as the paramedics begun their job. All the way Shawn protested that what was happening wasn't necessary and they should just take him home. But after they had got there he had quieted, his hand holding weakly on to his wife's as she ran her fingers through his hair.

And then they had taken him off.

She had tried to go with him but they had said that was not allowed.

Caroline felt as if she was going to go a little mad if she did not find something out soon though.

He had looked so pale when he had been on the stretcher. She had thought he had even looked weak.

And she did not think she had ever seen him looking like that.

She never wanted to again.

"Caroline?" As soon as she heard her name she stood up.

"Tom!" Doctor Horton came into the room.

The Horton's and the Brady family had a long history together. Both families had settled in Salem and they were friends.

She could not think of anyone she would rather discuss this with or a doctor who she trusted more with what was most precious to her.

"How is he doing?"

"Why don't the two us sit down?"

That was not how she had wanted to begin the conversation but if she did that then she knew he might be a bit more inclined to tell her what was going on and that was all she wanted to know.

Shawn was all she cared about right then.

There was nothing and no one else as important as he was.

"Just tell me, please."

"Shawn has pneumonia."

Caroline felt her heart sink to the ground. He was not very old or very young but she did not need to be told he had a bad case.

And it was a disease that did claim lives.

"Now we are going to keep him with us for the time being. He is already on an IV drip top get some more fluids in to him and we are going to start Shawn on a course of antibiotics."

Caroline felt her lips drag in to a small smile. Well that was a mercy at least. She might not be a nurse but from what she had heard over the past few years' were that antibiotics were some kind of wonder drug.

And if he was on them then…

"Is he going to get better?"

"Well, no one can say anything for a hundred percent but yes I am expecting a full recovery. And you can too. If it was anyone else then I might be a little less inclined to say anything at all but I know Shawn and the way he loves all of you…. I am willing to lay my life on him not giving up his."

Caroline felt a tear of relief fall on to her cheek. She was quick to wipe it away.

"Your husband is a young healthy man so don't worry too much – try not to at least."

"Can I see him?" she was sure both of them were going to feel a lot better if they were together…

"Well, I can't let you stay for too long as he needs his rest and if I am honest I think so do you. But yes you can see him for a while."

She felt relief flood through her. She was not sure how it was meant to help medically but she was sure things were going to be much better for Shawn if the two of them were together – but she was sure it would.

X x x

Shawn was still as pale as he had been when he had left the house when Caroline went in to see him. He looked as if he was done in and had more than one tube going in and out of him which was not nice to see but she knew he had them there so they were going to help him.

At least he was accepting help.

"Oh Shawn," she said as she went to his side and put a hand on his forehead - it was warm but he was hummed with pleasure.

Her hand must be cool she thought.

"Hello darling."

"Hi-" he said with smile.

There was still part of him which wanted to protest his being here but he did not suppose he had a leg to stand on.

There was a silence between the two of them as they just looked at each other – there was not much to say. She felt guilty she had been away when all of this was going on and he felt awful for ruining her home coming but there was not so much either of them could do about that now and endless sorrys would not get them anywhere – if only they would, thought Caroline.

But if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

"I know I am going to be out of action for a while – but I do not want you to worry."

It was clear that every word at that moment was a struggle for Shawn but he was not giving up on talking to her.

Caroline wished there was an effective way to hush him but she could see the same look in his eye right then as she did when Kimmie wanted to get to the last sweet in the jar.

There was never any thing she was able to do to stop her and it was a real case of like father like daughter right then.

"I will worry about your health every day until you are home with me where you belong." She shook her head. "But I know .. me and the kids are going to be fine."

She had already had a think and she was going to go to their parents for help.

"No my darling, I do not think you understand. When you get home tonight – look under our bed. There is a little something there that will tide you over till I am back home and on my feet," He said with a nod, urging her to nod back in understand.

She did so.

"I don't want to go home without you there."

She knew after everything she had said and done it was maybe the most selfish thing in the world she could say but it was the way she felt. She just wasn't ready to go back to the market without him there.

Shawn nodded for he had a true sympathy for her there. It had been the way he had felt every day she had been gone.

"Come here," he murmured, and she lay down at his side as tears begun to trickle down her face.

"I am going to be fine – it is all going to be ok," he soothed his wife gently.

One way or another he would make sure of it.

"I love you."

"Oh darling, I love you – I love you so much my darling."

X x x

By the time Caroline got back to the market that night the kids were in bed for which she gave for thanks for her mother. She was not sure she could have faced all there questing about where there daddy was that night.

Angela was kind to her daughter that night. It was clear her mother thought she had suffered enough. She did not quiz her too much. She simply made her a sweet iced tea and then sent her up the stairs to get a bit of rest.

Lord only knew she needed it…

To be in their bed room knowing Shawn was not going to come to her at all that night was bizarre for Caroline.

She had no idea how she was going to sleep without him.

But there was no way she was going to go to sleep until she had done wat he had asked her to do. So she got on her knees and looked underneath the bed.

It did not take her long to find the old shoe box which she was sure she hadn't seen before – or if she had, it had been of no significant to her at the time.

Curiosity over took her, and she opened it up, only to find it was for lack of a better term, a money box.

"Oh Shawn."

There were more dollars than she had ever seen at once before in there and she knew what this was – her husband's rainy day fund. Now it was pouring.

He was laid up in hospital and yet he was still providing for her and the kids.

It was as she looked at the box of money which he had no doubt worked so hard to save through she realised now, the only thing that mattered to her was him.

Yes they might have money troubles but she did not remember the last time that a family who worked on the river were allowed to go under.

She knew the two of them had a strong family and perhaps an even stronger community.

And still he was able to see them right then they were going to.

No the one thing she had felt truly sick over was him. In all of this he was the one who was irreplaceable. The man she had said she was going to love as long as the two of them lived.

 _Please, god, let him live…_

And he had been so worried about the future he nearly worked himself into an early grave when they had a rainy day fund.

She sat on the floor, held her head and thought about what she had done compared to what he had done and wished more than anything she could change the past, knowing full well nothing could or would do that.

That was when she heard tiny feet pattering towards her door… so the day wasn't over yet after all.

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	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Caroline realised when she got upstairs she was wrong – she had thought her mother had managed to put the kids down…

But they were wide awake and waiting for her.

She gathered them together and told them the news.

Roman, a little man at seven, tried to hide his grief at this news from his mother. His pop was his hero and that his loving yet strong Pop had been lain down by an illness of any kind did not seem possible. He would accept no comfort.

"I am going to check on Kayla," he said as that was something the adults did, after he heard the news. He looked utterly forlorn.

Caroline felt her lip wobble. He did not need to be asked to step into his fathers too big shoes. He just did it.

Their family was full of wonderful men thought Caroline.

It was a very different story when it came to Kimberly. As soon as she heard her papa was ill she had tears in her eyes. And when she heard he was not going to be home that night they were shed.

"But he is going to need us to take care of him – he always takes care of us."

She was just four. But their Kimberly was a sweet, bright, sensitive girl. And Caroline for one did not think she could be any prouder of her when all was said and done.

She felt her throat go thick.

It was not going to be. It was going to be a tough time ahead for her girl, especially if Shawn did not relent and let the kids comes and visit him. He had to said to her on the way out he did not want them to see him as he was right then. His wife had a feeling Shawn would not either… He was a proud and a strong man. He would not allow his little ones to see him like that.

But Kimberly was going to struggle with that.

As was Roman. He needed to see him, he needed his father at home and if they were out of sorts then of course Kayla would be to.

This had turned their little world on its head.

Caroline leant down and gathered her sweet child in her arms.

"Come on, my dear, you'll sleep in with mama tonight, alright?" she sighed carrying her eldest daughter back to her own room.

Her eyes sort her own mother who had come up the stairs and she wondered for a minute if she was going to think she was being too soft. But when she looked in to her eyes, all she saw was pity.

Her mother gave her a nod and collected her things. Her work there for the night was done.

"You just tell me if you need anything, my dear."

Caroline nodded as her mother showed herself out, allowing her to keep her focus on the weeping girl in her arms. She was sure she did not need anything but her husband back where he belonged, with her and the kids. But then she realised she did.

She needed sleep.

More than anything if she was ever going to be able to face the next day.

She carried her daughter thorough to her bedroom and then tucked her into bed. Caroline then check on Kayla, who was sleeping soundly though it did seem as if her son had gone back to his own room. Once more she had cause to think the lord she was such an easy baby. She hoped she would remain that way but only the morning would tell her that.

For now thought, Kayla had been put down by her grandmother and it did seem as if she was staying that way. The little lamb was none the wiser to what had gone on.

She went back over to the kid's bed room and checked in on her son. Roman was under the covers of his own bed, his face turned to the wall.

She felt her heart go out to him. It had been such a long day. For all of them….

Picking up Kimberly's blanket and teddy, knowing she would want them in the night she went back to her own room. The blanket she herself had made – the bear was a gift from Kimmie's father.

After a quick wash in the bathroom, she put her night gown on, went into her room for what she hoped was going to be the final time, pulled back the covers, climbed in to bed, wrapped the duvet a about her daughter and snuggled down with her.

She kissed Kimmie's forehead.

The little girl looked up at her with big eyes.

"It is all going to be ok, my sweetheart. Mama promises."

"I want papa here with us."

"I know you do. And so do I. And he is going to be here just as soon as the doctors have made him better."

She thought of his fever, his colour, his cough… it might take a little while for her beloved to be better. But he would be because he had too. Besides, Tom Horton was never going to let anything happen to Shawn. He knew how needed he was.

"Ma?" a little voice in the darkness asked.

"Roman?" Caroline nodded. The little boy crept from the door in to the room. And he did seem _such_ a little boy just then.

"Can I?" he was his father's son he could not say the words but what he wanted to do was clear.

Caroline pulled back the cover and let him in the opposite side to his sister and she was thrilled to have her arms full of her babies.

Then Caroline lay awake as her children feel into dreams. The night before she had slept on a couch while Shawn had slept here alone.

X x x

Within two days of Shawn being at the hospital it was clear to Caroline she had indeed done the right thing in bringing him there.

He was on the mend at no mistake; though still unwell… she knew that the minute she walked into the room to find he had his eyes shut in the middle of the afternoon.

Still he did look better. He was not as pale as when she had left him that first night after his desperate plea for her to look in the box under there bed. There was going to be no pleading with her to look after herself and the kids that day for which she was glad. She did not think she could take it if she had to listen to that kind of talk again.

As she approached the bed he shifted and opened his eyes.

"Hello, dear."

"Sweetheart," he greeted her as she kissed his forehead.

He was cooler. Thank the lord. She was going to count her blessing every day for his good health.

"How do you feel?"

"Better – much better. Just a bit of a fool for getting myself landed in here."

She sighed. "You must not blame yourself. You are not at fault for getting ill. It happens to us all and as much as I hate to break it to you – you're mortal."

She knew he would of course. When really he should be blaming her. She could not shake the feeling that if she had been at home to look after him when he needed her – none of this would have happened. Or at least it would never have got so bad.

"More's the pity." He murmured. "How are you? Are the kids ok?"

She nodded as she sat by his side and took his hand in her own. "I am fine. Roman is being very helpful and is being quite the little man about the house. Kayla is trying to run before she can walk properly, literally," she said as she watched a smile appear on his face.

"And what about our Kimmie?"

"You know Kimmie… she misses her papa."

"Well I miss her. I miss all of them… and you."

She did not know if it was the right thing to do but having seen how miserable the children had been over the last few days without him she could not help but feel as if she had to at least try to speak to him on their behalf.

"You know I think it would make them all feel so much better if they could see you."

"Please Caroline – no – not while I am in here."

She wished to go on and to make him see sense, to make him see that keeping them all apart was no good for any of them – least of all him. But nor did she wish to push him.

He would have put a lot of thought into this and if it was that important to him that they did not see him as he was right then, then she had to respect that.

She let the matter lie.

She nodded. Since he had been in hospital she had had a small taste of what she had put him through leaving him alone.

The less stress he had, the sooner he would be home.

"I can't wait till we are both back in our bed – together."

She should be used to sleeping there alone… but she wasn't. Not all night any way.

"Oh me neither… I miss having you in my arms, darling." He said lovingly before he begun to cough a little.

His lungs were still congested… and this was not going to end over night that much was clear to her.

But all that mattered to her just then was that this was going to come to an end.

And he was going to be home with her and the kids.

She kissed the hand that she held.

"For your birthday I was going to take you dancing," he recalled. The way that he said it made her think it was a long forgotten memory for him.

As if it had come to the front of his mind through some kind of fog.

"Well don't you worry about all that just now. Focus on getting your strength back." she said soothingly the way she might to one of the children when they were sick.

"No, sweetheart, you don't understand. As soon as I am out of here and back on my feet then the two of us are going to get a baby sitter and we are going to go dancing. How does that sound?" he asked with the smile which she so adored on his face.

"That sounds a bit like a dream come true to me right now – but let's just get you home first," she stayed focus on what was important to her right then.

At the end of the day him doing things for her, trying to keep her happy. It was not important in the least.

From now on she had to refocus and everything had to be about him and their little ones.

"There is one thing we can do whilst you are still here though my dear."

"And what is that pray tell my beautiful wife?" Shawn grinned.

"You can tell me about all that money which you have been keeping in the wardrobe."

When she had opened the red shoe box and found over a thousand – well over – a thousand dollars in there she had been worried.

He had let himself get in this state working – when they had had cash. And he had known they had.

Shawn shifted in the bed. Now he knew he was going to be getting back up on his feet he almost wished he had kept his mouth shut.

But now that he had not he knew he had to follow through and explain.

He owed his Caroline deserved that much.

"It is a rainy day fund. I just – you know how I worry about us running in to trouble and I just thought if I held a little back at the end of every month then we might not ever get in to a position where – where we got in to trouble." He admitted.

He could not bear the idea of the two of them looking at each other one day and not knowing what to do. If they had to talk about what to sell off first or try and find other jobs…

"Why didn't you use it now, if we needed too?"

"I just could not bear the thought of letting you down." He admitted. A tear dribbled down his cheek.

He had given her self to him for better for worse, for richer or for poorer.

But he just did not want to take that for granted.

"If you ever woke up one day and regretted your choice to marry me –"

"Never," Caroline insisted. She had had her wobbles and she had had her stumbles of late. But there had never been a moment when she had actively thought to herself that she wished she had not married him and that day was not going to come.

She felt she could guarantee that.

She knew how precious and rare what they had was.

"I do love you." she whispered. She had not proved it of late but when he was home she was going to do so.

She was going to make his favourite dinner more often and she was going to wait up for him before she went to bed at night and she was going to make sure the two of them worked more tightly together especially when it came to the matter of the accounts.

She wondered how much of the stress of that had lead them to where they were just then and she knew she had to put a stop to all that worry – for him.

And for their kids.

"I need you and I want you to be around for a long time to come yet Mr Brady, so don't you go thinking I don't."

"I love you too. And no matter what you say about resting – as soon as I get home I am going to show you just how much I love you."

Unable to stop herself any more she leant forward and in to his arms.

He was the most wonderful man in all the world and she just hoped when he was home she was going to be able to prove that to him.

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	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

The day that Shawn was due to come home Caroline made sure that her mom had the kids in the morning.

Part of her did feel as if she was being unfair to them and maybe in part to him, but there was no doubt in her mind that as soon as his babies saw Shawn they were just going to want to maul him with their love.

It had been a very long couple of weeks for all of them.

Caroline was not even sure that Shawn should be coming home now but it had got to the point where he had insisted he was well enough to go back. If he had just conceded to allowing the children to go in to see him in the hospital then his wife felt sure that he would be under the best care of the doctors at Salem University for a while longer than he was.

But he was a stubborn man and so it had been home with strict instructions from Tom Horton that while he could go home, he was under no circumstances yet to start back at work.

She was at least going to make sure that was one order which he did follow.

She got to the hospital in good time to pick him up and she felt her heart swell a little when he came in to her view. He looked more like himself than she had seen him look in days.

He was out of his pjs and he had a pair of jeans and a checked shirt on.

And a smile on his face.

The one thing which she did have to say worried her was that as soon as she came close to his room she could her him coughing still.

But then Tom had said the infection was going to take a while to clear. They were just going to have to live with that. She couldn't panic at every cough.

And she knew she was _going to be able_ to live with that – or anything which she had to – just as long as he was home by her side.

"There she is!" he said with clear delight as he got up off to the bed and embraced her.

She could not help but cling to him. She did not like to think about the other ways which this might have ended but all the same, the dark thoughts went in to her mind and seemed to penetrate every thought.

"Oh it is so good to see you looking so much like your old self sweetheart," she said to him with a smile which matched his.

"How do you feel?"

"Like I am ready to go home and cuddle my children within inches of their very lives. Where are the babies?"

"They have gone out with my mum for now but they are going to be back this afternoon." She said to him as she put her head on shoulder.

"Do they know I am going to be there when they get back?"

"You are going to think this is rather rotten of me but they do not. I did not think I was going to have a lot of luck at getting them to go with their grandma if they knew I was going to pick you up."

But he shook his head. "You did right. It is going to be surprise for them when they get back and see their old pop is home, won't it?" he laughed.

"It is going to be the best surprise in the world." She said as she held on to him before pulling back.

"The one thing which – which I am worried about is that they are going to jump all over you and don't want you getting tired. If the three of them get too over ex –"

"Caroline, Caroline, they are my children. They are never going to get too much for me and I have been away from them for the longest I have ever been. If they did not want to jump all over me when I get home at last, then I would be worried."

But as it was, what she had said sounded like heaven.

Caroline got behind the wheel over the van when they got back to it to drive him home and she knew this was only the first of the new changes in their stations. He was normally the one in the driving seat and she had no doubt in her mind that that was how he liked it.

He was a protector. And he was a provider. And he wanted to do these things for her.

But now the two of them had to be a little more equal for the new few months and he might as well get used to that.

It would remain that way until he was back no his feet and she was not going to give up his health for anything.

Not even for him behind stubborn.

The drive home was quiet. By the time they got back to the fish market it was just before lunch time. Molly was down in the shop.

As soon as they walked through the door she heard him exhale deeply.

It was said that every man's home was his castle and she had no doubt that this was the way that he felt about this place.

At the Brady fish market he was king.

She was going to remind him of that – make him feel that.

As soon as they got in, Caroline ordered her husband over to the couch and took his hospital bag from him which she begun to unpack.

What was going to be one of the nicest things about having home one more, was getting the smell of hospital off the two of them… getting his clothes washed and smelling like home of course nothing was going to compare to just having him home again and having his company. She did not think she was ever going to be able to put in to words just how much she had missed that when he had been gone.

"So while I am recovering, what am I going to be doing?" he asked when she returned to the living room, to find him on the sofa where she had left him.

He had been on bed rest for long enough as he was concerned and knowing he was now just above the market but unable to go down and take part in the day to day running of the place was going to kill him, he was sure of it.

"Well you could watch some TV or you could read a book," she suggested and the look on his face told her all she needed to know about what he thought of those ideas.

She was sure he was the worst patient in the world.

"And when you are feeling a little stronger the two of us can go for walks and you can take Kayla to the park."

"I do not need to go 'little' walks to get my strength back!" He insisted.

If only he was allowed to get back to work then he knew he was going to be ok.

He just wanted everyone else to know that too.

"Well until Tom Horton tells me the same thing you are going to be on bed rest. Which I promise is not going to be as fun as it sounds all the time."

"Are you going to give me a sponge bath?"

"Only if you behave yourself."

Hearing him laugh was a tonic to her.

"Well there is an incentive and a half."

For just a moment man and wife did not thing but look at one another.

And Caroline feared he felt the distance between the two of them that she had when she had gone off with Victor.

They had not had a lot of time together and….

And it was over. That was what matter she told herself. All of that was done with.

"I am going to take good care of you. Not just now, but for a long time to come. I need you Shawn Brady." And she was not going to scrip on admitting it any more.

He had to know.

"And as soon as I am properly back on my feet I am going to look after you," he returned with a smile but she shook her head…

"You have looked after me since the day the two of us met. I think it is me who has had my eye off the ball lately – but not anymore."

"You can't blame yourself for your aunt getting sick," he sighed.

He wasn't having that.

For an insane moment she wished she was able to tell him everything. That she could very much be blamed for that. So that there was going to be a true truth between the two of them again.

It felt as if everything was off kilter and balance for there to be all these lies between them and she just did not want them to be there anymore.

But she also knew if they were not there then the chances were she was not going to be either.

It was too late for her to stop the lie.

She had chosen to tell it and so she was going to have to live with the consequences of that for the rest of her life if that was what it came too.

Shawn could not stop it for her and nor for that matter could Victor. Nor could her mother. This had been her bad choice and now she had to live her life in such a way that meant she was going to be able to make up for it.

It was then she felt his cool hand on her face and it was as if it brought her round from her thoughts.

She gave her husband a bright smile.

"You know it is really not your fault – you can't worry about any of this – and here I am. Home and whole. So don't cry over milk that's been split – especially when you were not the one who spilt it."

She nodded for even if she did know better she was not going to argue with him just then. That was not going to be any good for either of them.

"Come here," he said gently and she leant into his arms, burying her face in his shoulder and breathing him in deep.

It was all going to be ok. He was home. And she was going to be faithful.

If she had her way then they would put this all behind them. And the past would be the past.

X x x

The kids had been as happy as Caroline had known they were going to be when they got back to find their father there.

Roman was first in to his arms for a cuddle and Kimmie had not been far behind with Kayla running as fast as she could behind the two of them so that she might join in cuddling with her pop.

For days Caroline had thought there was something missing when she looked at her husband and now she knew it had been the kids.

Any move which she tried to make that afternoon to try and get them not to crawl all over there father was ignored by the kids and by Shawn as well.

"I am ok," he had said as he played with them though she could see there was a slight strain on him.

But he was not going to let his illness show to the kids and he was not going to have them worry over him though Caroline was sure Kimberly not fooled. Whereas Roman was just glad he had someone he could rough house with back, their daughter was a little bit more sensitive.

"Daddy looks a bit tired," she confided in her mother part way through the day. She had come over to her mother and told her quietly as if it was a great secret.

She was glad to have him back but could see he was not is normal self.

"That's because daddy has been a bit poorly."

The poor lamb did look as if she was a bit confused by that idea. To her ill was something which she and her siblings got, that old aunties got.

Not her mother and certainly not her father.

She did not look as if she was convinced even as Shawn finally got his son to settle a little bit.

That was due to Kayla. She had presented her father with her first words book, wordlessly asking him to read it to her before she perched herself on her need. Kayla was ever inquisitive – her mother was going to give her that one and she could not be more grateful for that just then. The games settled down to story time and that seemed to soothe Kimberly a bit. She wondered over to her father and sat by his side gently after walking through the pile of toys which had been pulled out in the course of the afternoon, which now littered the carpet.

Father and children sat quietly together and Caroline got on with the dinner. It felt as if it could have been a normal Sunday morning. If only it was…

X x x

It was as Caroline cooked breakfast for Shawn later that week that she first noticed the wave of nausea come over her.

She ignored it, hoping for it to go away for he was sick at that moment and she knew she had to look after him. There was going to be none of this going two ways thing. After what she had done to him she had to look after him throughout this until he was himself and well again and she was not going to have it any other way.

He was her husband and she was his wife and there was nothing more to it any more…

That was all of it.

And so she was relieved that by the time she had stopped cooking she felt herself once more and for the rest of the morning she did not think about it too much.

Still – the two of them were together so much that Shawn seemed to know there was something little different about her.

"You know I just released that you got just back from looking after your poorly auntie and the first thing which you did was have to look after a poorly me. It is no wonder you are looking a little tired."

"Well you do not over flatter me but I can't say you wrong." She had had a lovely restful time not so long ago but ever since she had go back she had been on the go – not that she wasn't grateful for that as it let her thoughts stay away from a place she would rather they did not go.

As she sat by his side Shawn reached out and took her hand.

"When was the last time you and I got the chance to sit down in the early afternoon today, my lass?" he asked with a big smile on his face.

He did look rather like the cast who had got the cream right then.

"Well seeing as the two of us don't really get afternoons off together, I do not know. But I am so glad we are getting the chance too today," she smiled and learnt over for a kiss which he gave to her happily.

Having her with him made being off sick worth it and there was not a lot that could do that.

"So am I," she said as she put her head on her shoulder and took the weight off a little bit.

The sickness which she had felt that morning popped back in to her mind even as she tried to push it out.

It had been familiar.

"The kids went tuff to school today better didn't they?" he asked.

The morning after he had got home it had been a bit of a battle to get them to go in but not that day. They had toddled off happy in the knowledge when they got back they were going to have both their parents waiting for them.

"Yes, they did," Caroline said with a smile as she held his hand.

The only sounds which she was able to hear right then was that of their Kayla sleeping soundly in her play pen.

She had had another hectic mornings play and exploration and it had ended with her exhausted.

"She's such a good little baby," she said after a moments silence as she looked at her daughter.

The kids going to school. The familiar sickness. A sweet little baby.

A sudden knowingness rushed through Caroline and dread set in as the pieces of the puzzle feel into place.

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	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

For a while Caroline tried to ignore what she knew was happening.

Even when she knew, she tried to ignore it. On top of everything else that had gone on of late she was sure this was the very last thing in the world that she and Shawn needed. But the longer all of this went on the more she knew it was not going to take into account what she and Shawn needed.

She waited for her course and it did not come. If she and Shawn had been having relations then maybe he would have known or worked out what was going on but as she watched him play with the kids, she knew he was blissful in his ignorance. Since he had been home from the hospital he had been too tired to do any more than hold her in his arms. Part of her felt guilty for it, but all she could think was this was a baby she did not need to worry about and she had never felt that over one of her own children before. But the shock of the pregnancy made her feel odd things. A tiny sliver of hope that she might have got it wrong existed within her – hope against hope she guessed and so she went to the hospital – where she had prayed she was not going to have to go for a long time to come.

Once she had got Shawn home she had wanted all of that to be over them for a while.

But he was not the Brady who was in need of medical attention right then.

That was herself. She booked an appointment with Tom Horton and it wasn't long until all of her suspicions were confirmed.

"Pregnant?" she said to Tom as she looked at her.

Of course she was. She did not know why she had not thought about it until she was sick – it was not as if she had not been in this rather interesting condition before and she knew the way it felt and the lord only knew that she had had the opportunity to get with child.

She felt suddenly sick as she recalled her trip to Greece. She had always wanted more children but it had never occurred to her that when she had them Shawn might not be the father.

But then there was something in her which said of course he was the father for he had to be the father.

There could be no other. Nor would there ever be.

"Caroline, why don't you sit down?" the doctor asked. She thought she must look as shocked as she felt. It was stupid.

She nodded and weakly sat down in the chair.

"This is happy news is it not?"

Normally she would say yes for she knew every child was a gift from god but…

"There has just been a lot going on right now, what with Shawn's illness."

It was all too much for her to think she was going to have Victors baby. She did not want to have his; she wanted to have Shawn's for if she did then she felt as if the act would wash her clean.

And she did need to be.

"I know you have been through a lot."

"I wanted to give him another baby."

"And so you are – Caroline did you hear me?"

It was not just going to be his in the way all of the others were.

And with that, there in the middle of Tom Horton's office, Caroline went to pieces for her situation.

To Tom it did not seem as if there was anything all that wrong at all.

It was not as if it was unusual for a women to be emotional when she got this news.

It would only many years to come he'd known why she was so emotional.

"But it is not the right time."

Not for them finically and not the right sperm either. It was all such a mess.

"Are you worried about Shawn's reaction? Do you want me to be there when you tell him?"

She shook her head. At the first he might not be thrilled. But she knew him and it was not going to take him all that long to come around to the idea.

But then she knew there was another side to all this and his name was Victor.

He could never know for if he did then she knew in her heart he was not going to be willing to sit ideally by. He would tell Shawn… and then her family life as she knew it was going to be destroyed forever.

But whatever he was he was not fatherly material. To that day she still found herself wondering what had become of that boy who had been beaten.

No man like that was ever going to raise a baby of hers.

And a baby of hers did need a dad.

And if she could help it the same dad as its siblings. So in effect she was back where she started.

The baby which she was carrying was Shawn's for it had to be. And the dates for them even worked out so there was no fear on that score.

But in her heart she knew who this baby was… she wondered if it was because of the sole called mother's intuition but she did not need to be told the child in her was a Kiriakis and not a Brady.

Ultimately, there was nothing in the world which she was going to be able to do about that – she was just going to have to live with it and made the best of their situation for everyone's sake.

So she might as well go and tell Shawn and begin a lie she knew they were going to have to live with for many years to come.

But she did need five minutes for her own first.

She wondered down to the canal and cried some more, wishing she could change the past so she would be more certain of what the future would bring.

x x x

Once she had had a moment on her own to deal with what was happening to her, the next thing Caroline found was she needed to tell someone – if felt as if she needed to tell anyone and a stranger in the street would do. She could tell anyone but Shawn she thought to herself. Not yet.

He was her best friend and the man who was going to be in this for the long run with her, for many years to come. However, she simply was not ready for him to know the truth.

Still, the need to blurt it out, to say the words aloud resided within her. But when she got down to it, it had to be someone who loved her as well and so she went to the one person who was going to understand the situation in its entirety. If her mother looked at her as if she did not quite believe the depths of her stupidity, Caroline did not blame her.

The truth was nor could she.

"Does Shawn know yet?" She shook her head.

"Well there is only one thing for it. You tell him in the same manner you did for the other three and hope he does not pick upon any difference between the new one and the others."

Angela wish there was a way to be a bit gentler with her daughter but there was not. And the fury she had felt before seemed to rush back into her. She would never understand what had possessed her child to risk everything.

It was all there was in the world left to do.

There was not any other route left open to Caroline. It was not as if she wanted to be with the father of this baby and even if she did she had three others to consider. She had to think of the greater good.

And then there was of course the other option but that was unimaginable.

On so many accounts.

The first was the fact the lord said it was a sin.

The next one was that her daughter was a respectable married lady. Girls went to women like them when they were in real trouble and Caroline was not… if only she was going to be able to keep a cool head then she was going to be able to see herself through this.

And she had heard too many horror stories when it came to the back streets.

Of women who had truly tried to do the right things for the girl who had come to them but then had got it wrong. May be something was unclean or her hand shook. Then there were the women in it for the money who prayed on young girls.

No, that was no way ahead for her daughter.

Even though this was not what she wanted for her and that she was ashamed of her right then she was not going to risk losing her.

And it was not as if she was going to be able to give it up once the child had come either. there were going to be too many questions.

"You go on as if nothing is different about this one than any of the others. He has got your pregnant before – he has just done it again. You lie – your lie for the rest of your life if you have to but you do it well."

"He might never know but I will," her daughter said as if it was the worst thing she could imagine. What if... What if he forgave her thought Caroline and then shook her head. Her husband was many things and among them was a proud Irish man. He was never going to accept the truth and continue to love her as he had done all this time.

"It is too late for self-pity my girl – you should have thought of that long ago. You have to live with it, that's true. But your family does not – think of them, and put them first."

X x x

Caroline left her mothers not knowing if she felt better or worst about the situation. She did not want to do what she was saying but she could not see another way either.

So she would have to take her mother's course and the best way she knew was to just get it over with…

Caroline tried to think of a million ways to word it so that the fact they had a new baby on the way was not going to stress Shawn out.

He had had enough of that in his life of late and what he needed was to carry on getting better, not thinking of how he was going to feed another mouth.

Least of all one which he had had no hand in the creation of.

Try as she might to tell him the truth for in her heart that was what Caroline wanted to do – if only so that there was a truth between them once more, she found she could not

This baby might not be Shawn's but her other three were and she had to do what was best for the majority of the family she told herself. In that her mother was correct. He might doubt the paternity of the others and that would break so many hearts. And they were his.

She and the baby were in the minority. It was going to ease her conscious if she told the truth but she was sure it was not as if she was going to get a warm fuzzy glow from that.

And then what? She could not see the future and she was not going to lead her babies into one where she did not know what was going to happen to all of them.

What if it turned out badly? Tore the family apart? What if they ended up on the streets? She could not risk all of that on the chance that her husband might forgive her.

That was just something which she did not have the courage to do.

So she had to tell Shawn he was going to be a dad once more.

And he would be she lied to herself. She was going to lie to him, so lying to herself did not seem that big of a deal. Yet she did not think it was much of a lie when he was going to be the little one bringing it up.

He was going to be the one clothing the baby and making sure it had enough food and caring for the child. He was going to be the one who taught the baby and loved it with his whole heart.

She had to admit that sounded very much like a dad to her.

In the end however she knew the best way to go about the entire thing was just tell him. He might not be glad at first but it had always been the plan for them to have more children…

Just not yet.

The schedule had just been brought forward and it was high time the two of them both knew she thought so they could plan. She just hoped she was going to be able to hold her nerve.

And she did tell him. That very night.

"Now why does my wife look as if she has the weight of the world on her shoulders?" she had been standing in the kitchen washing up when she had heard his voice and could not be more grateful for the fact he had given her a way in to this discussion.

She had had no idea how she was going to start it – so he had done it for her.

"I don't think I have the whole world on my shoulders but quite enough of it," she sighed as she turned to him and let him put his arms about her.

God it felt good to be there. She had feared for so many reasons she was not going to get too be there again.

"Why don't you tell me what's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong perse," she said as she tried to find the words she had been looking for. She did not know if it was just the fact he had been ill or the knowledge that she was lying to him which made it so hard to give him this news.

May be a bit of both. "But there is something going on which is not as the two of us were not quite ready for."

"Caroline you're scaring me now – will you just tell me…"

"I do not want to worry you or for I do not want you to get sick again."

"Darling, talk to me…" he urged at last - this was it she knew. Time to be lie.

"I am pregnant." At least there was no untruth in that statement.

It took Shawn a moment to digest that news. A thousand things were through his head, especially the three times this scene had played out before. The joy he had felt when he had found out about the first two and then the rather more muted reaction for Kayla, tinged with practically. Then he saw himself meeting all of his bairns and holding them in his arms for the first time.

As long as he lived he was not going to forget a single one of those moments – they would live in his heart for as long as he breathed air.

Then he could hear him and Caroline stating they were not going to have any more children yet, that they were going to wait for a while… he could feel the absolute loneliness of her what had seemed unending absence from his life and then the weakness which he felt his illness had inflicted on his body.

Then all he call feel was his wife's worry and the one thing he knew beyond all doubt was she should not have had such a hard time tell him.

Not with what should be joyful news.

She had been reluctant to tell him.

And it shocked him into silence.

Caroline had known he was not going to take it well but she had not thought he was going to speechless. This was a new one. She had never known Shawn Brady thus before.

"I know it is not what we planned."

"You didn't want to tell me, did you?"

If he could only know why she had not wanted to tell him then she thought it was going to make a whole lot more sense to him.

But that could never be.

She did not know why she chose then to be truthful. She shook herself and then escaped the kitchen as soon as she could, heading up to bed for an uneasy night's sleep.

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	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

The worry she had felt over telling him continued to eat away at Shawn even after Caroline had tried to stop him being so…

She had said she was ok.

Try as he might he could not quite get himself to believe that.

Yes, he had been ill of late but she was his best friend and she had to know she never had to be nervous about sharing anything at all with him… especially something as important as the two of them having a child.

Shawn sat up after Caroline went to bed and for the first time since he had got home from the hospital, he had come to the realisation a night cap was much in need.

A baby… it had been the last thing on his mind and he knew if he had been able to pick the timing…. Then he would not have chosen now. It did not feel as if it was the right time but in his heart he knew every child was a gift from the lord and he would not send it if it was truly the wrong time.

That was something which he had to trust too.

What worried him more was the way Caroline had reacted.

She had felt as if she had had to hide it from him.

That was never in a million years the way the two of them had run their marriage and he did not know why that had changed now.

And if he had his way then he was going to change it back in a heartbeat for he was not ever going to just accept that that was how the two of them were.

They did not keep things from one another, especially not when it was as big and as joyous as this.

This was them getting another light to light up their lives. That was what all the children did. When it came to a choice to being with his kids or without them, he was going to choose them every time and it was not any different because this one did not have a face or name yet.

But what he did know was he apparently had to prove that to his darling. Maybe it was his illness which made her want to protect him more than he protected her but he was not comfortable with any of it.

And if the truth was known he knew it had started long before then.

All he had to do was think about her birthday. That had not worked out to plan.

He did not know if he had done the wrong of the right thing then when he had gone to help his friend. That was what he had been brought up to do and it had felt as if it was right but then…

Maybe it was one of those times when he should have been a bit more selfish and said he had to go and be with Caroline.

The two of them spent so much of their life trying to make sure they spoil their children on the rare occasion that they got to that, they did not often get a chance to spoil one another.

And at the end of the day he knew the only thing that the two of them ever wanted from one another is a little bit of time.

So he could start by given her that.

He swore to himself that things were going to change then and there. And he knew how to bring that about.

X x x

Shawn's plan of action had been put into motion the very next day for Caroline got to go out by herself, which she had to say was a rare treat. He had said he was going to watch the kids for a while – she could do as she pleased and so she had decided to go and have a walk by herself. She went to the river side for it was still light and for once she found herself in the rather pleasing situation of not having to go to the park.

She was glad she had told Shawn about the baby she found. It had not been easy but now she had done it, she felt as if there was a weight off of her shoulders and for that she was so grateful – more so than she was able to say.

There may come a day when they had to visit the topic of parentage and paternity – she knew that. But it wasn't that day. So she was more than pleased to go home after her walk, with her colour up a little.

On her return to the house she found things were different again to normal…

Caroline was surprised to see her brother and sister in law in her kitchen when she made her way up the stairs. As uncharitable as it was, the first thought in her head was she hoped they were not there for their tea.

She had enough for herself, her husband and the kids but that was all. though she was sure she could stretch it if she had too….

"Hello you two," she said brightly enough as she tried not to let what she supposed was her rather selfish worries show. "What are you up too?"

"We have come to watch the kids for the night."

Whatever she had thought they were going to say, she had not thought it was going to be that.

At first she just felt confusion. She loved the two of them for coming over and saying that but she had not called them and if they needed a baby sitter, she was the one who organised it. She wondered for a moment if she had called them over by mistake. Was it a case baby brain?

She looked at them in a state of confusion. Until she saw their brother behind them.

At once she knew there was something going on for her husband was in a suit and he would never put on a suit unless he had to.

Yes something was afoot.

"Why is it the two of you need to baby sit? What am I going to be doing?" she asked but she did not ask it of her in laws but of her husband who was beaming at her.

She could not help but smile back at him just as brightly for his smile in that moment was infectious.

"You my darling are going out dancing with me."

"Dancing?" his wife asked with a smile.

This was the night the two of them finally made up for her birthday.

"Yes, dancing," Shawn said as he crossed the room to her. On a normal occasion, the two of them were not much given to showing affection to one another in front of others but that night he was not sure if he cared much for what his siblings thought.

No, that night was all about what his wife thought and how she felt so she had to come above everyone else.

The two of them shared a smile as he took her hands in his and kissed her forehead.

"As long as you are not too tired," he added as he put a hand on her baby bump, yet she was swift to shake her head.

"I am not."

"Well, then why don't you go and get dressed. The children are going to eat with their aunt and uncle and we are heading out. And if you are not ready soon then we are going to miss our dinner reservation."

Well there were words she did not get to hear her beloved say a lot.

And if her Shawn had booked a table then he had to be serious.

"Well you are not going to have to tell me twice."

She went upstairs, a smile on her face and love in her heart.

Even as she got to the second floor she was able to hear her kids playing and laughing and all of a sudden it seemed to her as if it was a lovely life, this one of hers.

She opened the door and pulled out a pale pink dress.

It was a maternity one she had had since she had been carrying Kimmie and so far it seemed to still fit and look half decent.

She was not sure if that was going to remain the case throughout out this pregnancy. She was sure she was carrying a little more weight with this one but her mother said that was normal. This was her fourth pregnancy, after all.

She could not help wondering if she was carrying differently because she was carrying another man's child. Was that even possible?

As she looked in to her wardrobe she saw her blue dress and it felt as if it was laughing at her.

That was a dress she had worn when she had made a lot of bad decisions and she had had a feeling that night with Victor was going to be the last time she wore it.

She wasn't going to go out with Shawn in it again, that was for sure as it was not going to feel right to her to do so. It was as if it had been contaminated by what had passed and that was that.

She sighed for she knew she had to get a grip on this. It was not as if she was going to be able to think this way every time she saw something which reminded her of Victor for that was not getting on with her life. It wasn't healthy.

She just had to put those thoughts away…

But even more what she had to do right then was go and have a lovely night with her husband and make sure that his efforts were not going to go to waste. He was clearly planning on spoiling her that evening…

Which was fine by her. It was time for a new chapter in their lives. It just what was the doctor ordered.

"My brother you are a lucky man," she heard her brother in law say as she came down the stairs.

"I think I am the lucky one," said she before her husband was able to respond and that was nothing less than the truth. She did feel as if she was very lucky right then and she was going to do all she could to never forget it again…

For dinner they went to a nice restaurant on the out skirts of town. It was so lovely because Shawn was the one who had picked and that meant all the more to Caroline.

She felt as if she was able to truly relax when they were there together and while she was aware there had to be a reason he had done all this, she wasn't worried about it – it was all going to come out in the wash… and they would talk it through when it did so.

As the night went on all Caroline could think was how very glad she was not yet so far along in her pregnancy she could not enjoy the night with him. Of course a drink would have been nice, but she couldn't have everything. And to think when she had got back to the market that night…. She had been worried she was going to have to the cooking that evening and she had had to do none at all.

After they went for dinner Shawn took her back to a club she had completely forgotten about since they had been married yet it had been a regular haunt for them when they had been courting.

And even though she had not been there in quite a long time she found it made her feel the same way it always had. When she was there with him she did not feel as if she was a mother of three (soon to be four) but just as if she was a young lass again – his young lass.

She could well remember the utter excitement she had felt when she had been getting ready to meet him on a Friday night. Her own parents had teased her about the way she had buzzed when she had known he was on his way but that the effect their young love had had on her. And whenever they had got to the club they had had the loveliest time.

It felt to her as if it was the sort of night the two of them had been longing for ages.

There were no kids and there were no parents and there were no thoughts of anyone else - just the two of them and the music.

Caroline found she was able to forget everything that had gone on of late from her husband's illness to her own affair. She found the only thing in the world that matter was the way the two of them danced to Fats Domino.

Nothing less and nothing more.

"I am going to have to make the most of this - it is not going to be too long until I am once more too big for you to be swinging round." He reached out and stroked the bump again, as they swayed.

"And I am going to make the most of having you to myself."

She loved to see the children in his arms but how nice it was to be there herself for a change.

By the time they came out the club the date had changed – midnight had come and gone and still they were not in a rush to get home. Yes once they were there then they were going to be able to kiss their babies good night but once they were there, then they both knew the magic of that evening was going to be over for it was not as if they could call his brother and sister over on any given night.

This time they had got them over as a favour and maybe once the wee one was here they were going to be able to call in another favour, but it was not as if they were going to be like this for long… so it came as no surprise they wanted to enjoy it. It was a rare treat…

And Caroline did. They walked home together along the river. At this time of night, on any other day of the year Caroline was not sure she would have had the confidence to do so but Shawn was with her. She savoured every moment that they could walk along here in this dangerous part of town for she did not feel as if it was dangerous right then.

She felt peace.

He wasn't going to let anything that shouldn't happen to her happen.

But it was then as they were walking along that Caroline was well able to feel there had been a change in her husband. This was the moment she had been dreading. Though now it was here she felt quite relaxed.

"Darling, the two of us are – well, I do not think it is a lie to say we have had a somewhat strange year," he begun.

Yes she was sure she could concede to that. He had been ill which never normally happened and then she had been away which was an even bigger rarity… and that was just for started.

She nodded.

"I am – I am afraid we have not always connected as we should." he murmured.

He was having the same thoughts she herself had had - but months later and doing what she should have done and speaking to her other – better half about it.

She so wished she had.

"You know I do not want you to ever have to worry about telling me anything ever –"said Shawn in a soothing manner.

"Shawn I –"

"Caroline I know you did."

She feel silent and wondered if she had been about to lie to him again. Well if she had then it would not have been the first time.

"I won't worry next time – how's that? And if I am then I will tell you my news even quicker so we can nip it in the bud?"

They shared a slightly sad smile for just a moment.

"I'll never be angry with you darling – there is nothing in the world you could ever do to disappointment me."

If only he knew, she thought to herself.

But this was meant to be a new beginning - this night - and that was just what she was going to allow it to be.

"Nor you me –" she thought she was able to say it more confidently than him… maybe that was just due to self-knowledge. "I love you very much, Shawn – oh my Shawn…"

"And I love you, dearest Caroline." he smiled with more hope kissing her gently as he used too.

Nothing was rushed and for both of them that evening everything had its time and before they were home, the sun was coming up.

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	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

In spite of the fact he had been given a clean bill of health by Doctor Horton, Caroline could not sleep the night before Shawn was due to go back to work. She was not sure it was just worry for him - but there was certainly some of that.

She did not want him to work himself into the ground once more, when he had just got his strength back. He had to be careful with his health.

She sighed. For the truth was she knew what was keeping her up and troubling her sleep.

She was going to miss him. There was the bottom line.

She had got used to having him at home and yes at times she had felt he had been a little under her felt but for the most part, it had been a joy to her and to the kids to have their husband and father at home with them for an extended period… and none of them knew when they were going to get that again.

The only thing Caroline was sure of was it was not going to be for a little while. She was down cast through breakfast…

Their very early breakfast. She had forgotten how cold it was at this hour… and at last Shawn had to speak.

"Tom says I am ready to go back to work and so I am Caroline. You know me, and you know it is not in me to sit at home when I could be out and doing something. Besides, if for no one else I have to go back so I can provide for the little one."

It was not as if she was going to be able to work for much longer. Then she was going to be resting and looking after herself and the wee ones even more of the time.

This was exactly why they had decided not to have another one yet. So that some of the pressure was going to be taken off them…

"I am sorry –"

"Oh you got that wee one in there all on your lonesome did you? Well aren't you a very clever lady?" Shawn asked as he moved over to her with the clear implication he had been the one to help her and just as much to blame.

He was not going to let her carry the burden alone.

She winced.

"Please do take it easy?" she asked for it was all she could allow herself when the moment came for him to leave the house.

He nodded. "Kiss?" her asked as he puckered his lips playfully.

That was one request which she would never deny.

"Do try not to worry too much," he was not going to work like a horse as he normally did – he wanted to live a long and happy life with her which was just what he was going to do.

"I will try."

"Conserve your energy for the baby."

Comments such as those made her only ever surer she was doing the right thing by letting Shawn bring this little one up as his own.

He was a good father and he loved their new little one already.

She was in no doubt of that.

"I will," she said once more.

"And do not let the others run you ragged. Make sure you sit down if you need a break."

When he had been at home he had seen just how hard her days could be.

"I will sit down whenever I can," she said to him with a smile which he was worried about for he knew there were plenty of days in the week when she just did not get the chance thanks to a runny nose or a grazed knee or one of the other joys of motherhood.

"Please be back in time for your dinner," Caroline said to him softly.

"I promise I will be back in time to eat with you and the children."

And that night, he was.

X x x

Summer came quickly for Caroline once Shawn was back at work.

The kids were off and Molly was sniffing about for extra work at the market which worked for her due to the fact she had the baby coming.

She could only hope she was going still going to be on the small side by the time the really hot weather came otherwise she knew she was in for a very uncomfortable summer.

A voice in her said it would serve her right. She had said she was going to shut those little voices up after the night when she and Shawn had gone dancing but it was not that easy she found.

She had not seen Victor since she had got back.

In her weaker moments she had missed him. The physical side of things had just been one part of what they had been to each other but it was his friendship which she found she missed the most.

The having someone to talk to. Once Shawn was back at work he was soon back to doing the long hours which Caroline tried to remind him had made him sick in the first place not that that made a lot of difference. His promises to take it easy did not last for long.

He did love not only to be but also to feel he was the man of the house.

What did change over the course of that summer was the kids. As soon as she had got back from Greece she had been able to tell Roman was a bit of a lot more grown up than he had been when she had gone. He was still a boy and a child but she was not sure if she could forgive herself for the fact he was less so then he had been in the past.

Kimmie and Kayla were much the same as they had always been – children, but there were shifts in their personalities too. Whether they had shifted from their mothers leaving or their father's illness Caroline did not know.

If anything Kimmie seemed to be growing a bit more nervous while Kayla was only ever growing in confidence.

She was worried the former was her fault but the latter seemed to be all her baby's own doing. Still she worried for them all the same.

They differed again in their response to the news there was going to be a new baby. Roman did not seem all that bothered at all. After two sisters the chances of a brother seemed slim and he did not care at all for the thought of another girl in the family. Kimmie on the other hand could not be more excited while Kayla did not really understand why Mama was getting so much bigger.

She just knew there was more of her to cuddle.

Summer was filled with trips to the park and to the seaside. It was going to be a long time until they could take that trip to Boston but they made the most of it. As well as playing on the shore, Shawn took the two eldest children out in a boat to show them the life of their fisherman pop.

One of the great joys which Caroline had that summer was to see the life flood back into her husband.

At first it was no more than a trickle but after he found out about the new baby it flowed in faster than it had at the start. It seemed as if there was an urgency to his life again but it did not so much worry Shawn but thrill him. Dark bags did not form under his eyes so often as the smile on his face.

As for Caroline she felt uncomfortable a lot of the time. Whenever she sat down to work out her dates, she knew she had conceived before she had gone to Greece – or to 'Aunt Pegs' – so she knew she was not going to have to be all that economical with the truth. There was a voice in her which she wanted to believe so much which said the baby she was carrying may well be Shawn's. But in her heart she knew it was not the case…

Shawn bless him did not ever question her, so great was his faith. They would have a November baby. it was that simple.

The two elder children were of course gutted when September came and brought with it a return to school. It had all gone for too fast and they were more than content with being teachers more than pupils as they helped Kayla learn new words.

A late blast of summer was also upon them as the heat lasted long in to September.

Caroline had hoped for nice breezes and cool summer nights. They did not come… by night she was uncomfortable and by day she was uncomfortable and running around after her little chatterbox. When they went to church in a Sunday she wondered if it would be wrong to ask her god if this was her penance - was this how she atoned for her sins?

And in all of this time she heard nothing of Victor. He could be dead in a ditch for all she knew for she had no link to get any news of him and sort no news.

If he was brought up in their houses at all it was by Shawn.

"Funny how we have just heard nothing of him," the fishermen said one night as the family had their supper together.

"It is," asked Caroline as she wiped Kayla's mouth. This was just about the one topic of conversation she was not sure if she could bare to engage in.

"Aye, it is, we normally hear something of him even if it is on the grape vine. And he came into the market quite a lot last time he was here. I have to admit I wonder if his crush on you was back. Did I have cause to be jealous?"

She felt her palms sweat and her back went ridged with terror and shame and anger.

"What do you mean by that?"

He could hear the fury and fear in her voice for a moment and had cause to wonder why it should be there but then he caught sight of her stomach. It was only too clear she tired and emotional.

"I was just having a little joke with you," he justified but the poor lass had not found it so. And after that day no one brought up Victor Kiriakis in their house. Shawn for fear of upsetting Caroline. Caroline as she did not want to slip up.

With any luck that was it thought Caroline. What had happened really was no more than a stumble in her commitment to her husband which was over.

And the past could be the past.

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	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

It seemed to Caroline as if October was the first month in a long time in which nothing of significance happened to the family.

The children had settled back into school and Shawn back into work. And as much as they were looking forward to the next summer break which they had, it did seem to them as if that summer was already very little but a distant memory. Instead, the kids were looking forward to Halloween and scary stories and Christmas and time with their family and presents.

As normal, their parents were not going to be able to exactly spoil the children when the time came but in every other year Christmas had always been a joyous occasion in their home and Caroline was sure she was going to be able to make it so again.

As for Shawn, he seemed better now he was back at work to her. It was as if doing what he always did had allowed the life to seep back into him even more and nothing was going to stop him.

Once more it drove away from the memories of summer and in this case, she was not sure she had any argument with that…

No argument at all. But what she did have an argument with was how cold it got so quickly in November. She had not enjoyed the heat of the summer but nor did she want it to be freezing cold.

She longed not for the company which she had in Greece but the weather.

The cold she could cope with – it was the rain which got her down.

But then she felt as if she was forever warm with her furnace of a baby in her.

Whereas at first, she had not wanted to think or to talk about the baby that much she now found that was not an option.

She had to make ready for the baby and she had to do so fast.

She went through all the old routines which she had built up over the last years since she had first had Roman.

By the time that she was a year old Kayla was moved out of her parent's room and down the hall into the big bedroom with her siblings. Caroline and Shawn discussed putting the crib down for a while before they both decided there was not a lot of point to that as they were going to be getting it out once more for the new little one so soon.

And then she got knitting. There was always less and less to make fresh every time she had a baby but she did like to make sure the children got some things of their own. So much of what her babies got seemed to be hand me downs, so for the first few days of there lives she was sure to make them something to wear which was going to be there very own. And for the first time since she had got pregnant she found she was able to enjoy the baby and look forward to its coming – some days she forgot her suspicions altogether.

She felt the guilt hit her anew when her mother was there for while she knew she was trying not to blame her too much or some days at all, there was still a look in her eye more than once when she looked at her belly and Caroline knew it was silly…. but she felt as if there was a certain amount of suspicion which her mother looked at the new baby with.

That was not the case with Shawn's mother who was as thrilled as she had always been and would always be when she was told she was going to have a new grandchild brought in to the world. Yet even that in its own way felt as if it was hell for Caroline for it made her face up to the fact that at the end of the day it was not just Shawn who she was going to be lying to for the whole of this babies life but so many other people beside and the baby itself.

She did not want to do that but she knew at the same time she could not place more value on this baby than itself siblings.

It had to be equal. And the baby was going to be home with a family who loved it – that was the most important thing.

And so she looked at the crib, and knitted and brought fresh nappies and begun to look forward to this baby of hers.

Nothing was going to stop it coming and she found even now if she could stop it from coming she would not. The baby was real to her and she could feel it moving and there was her bottom line. Nowhere else.

X x x

November

When young Molly had got into the market that day she had been full of a cold.

It was the time of year and Caroline had to say she was dreading when it was going to be her turn. Kimmie and Kayla had both come down with a bug and she was not sure which one of them it was going to be but she was sure it was not going to be too long until she or Roman were the next victims.

"I am not having your serve our customers when you are in that state, you are going to scare them all away with that bright red nose of yours," Caroline said to her sister in law.

Part of her felt guilty for sending her young sister in law away when she had made sure an effort to get in.

"I can't do that Caroline – that is going to leave you on your own and that isn't good in your condition right now."

"What would be even worse for me in my condition would be to get sick myself now get you gone Molly Brady – I don't want to see you here."

And she did not want them to be shut down.

And when she got going, she found she enjoyed her night behind the counter. She had not been there for a while now and she felt as if she was catching up with all the old faces she did not know she had begun to miss.

All the men on their way home from work and the mums out now they had put the kids to bed, with the in-laws watching them. If she had ever felt as if she was Mrs. Brady she felt it now.

She worked for most of the night and loved it, and only shut up when Shawn returned.

He did not look as pleased as she had been.

"My love, if I had known it was you and not Molly who was shutting up for the night I would not have been so long," said Shawn as he came into the market and was clearly alarmed to see she was still up and on her feet.

When she was not with child he would not think of it at all she mused to herself but she was _very_ with child.

Still, it had felt good to her that night to do something which was so entirely normal to her. The kids had got their normalcy back when they had gone back to school and Shawn had got his normality back when he had gone back to work.

She had wanted just a little bit of that for herself.

"Your sister is only young - we can't expect her to do every night," said Caroline as Shawn came over to her and kissed her cheek.

"I think I can when you are in the condition you are in."

"It is nothing," Caroline said with a smile. She had had to work when she had been carrying Roman.

But then she had been a bit younger when she had been carrying him and she could not say she was not looking forward to a sit down now.

She knew it was no good to argue with him right then but gave him a kiss when he puckered his lips for one.

"I think it is time for mothers to be to go upstairs none the less."

"Well I am not going to argue with you there," she said and he felt his heart lighten.

"At least that is one row we are not going to have to have." He said making her giggle as they headed toward the stairs.

And as she turned she felt something change within her. She did not want to admit it and if she had been able to keep it a secret.

But she did not think she was able to disguise the sound of water hitting the floor from Shawn's ears.

For a moment neither of them moved for she did not wish to. She wanted time to stand still and to keep this baby inside of her and where it was safe.

After all, if it was inside of her she did not ever have to worry about who it looked like the most.

It did not matter.

"is that what I think it was?" Shawn asked as he looked at his wife's panic-stricken face.

On instinct, he cupped her cheeks to try and calm her somewhat.

 _It was ok – it was all going to be ok_ , he thought and he knew that as he was going to be the one who made it so for her.

"I do not think I am ready for this –" she sighed as she bit her lip.

Somehow she was going to have to be though he thought to himself. Damn, he wished she had spent the night with her feet up but it was too late for all that now.

Berating her or himself was not going to change the situation they found themselves in.

"It is going to come now and there is nothing the two of us can do to stop it."

What they had to do was deal with it…

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	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

Caroline felt as if she was in some bizarre state of shell shock and she did not think she had ever felt that when she had gone into labour before.

She should have known to go to hospital or the maternity home, she thought to herself. Should have rested more. She had been told she had to take care of herself and this baby but now she knew she had spent too long berating herself for having this baby at all.

She had been so focused on the fact it was not Shawn's she had forgotten one very important fact until very recently. It was hers.

And it was always going to be her baby.

A terrible thought crossed her mind at that moment, that came only from the fact she did not feel as if she was with anyone who was qualified to deal with the situation she was in – another thing for which she was berating herself.

Maybe it was all she deserved…

What if the two of them did not survive this? Or worse, what if she did but she lost her child. She did not know if she was going to be able to deal with that. In fact, she knew she would not. She just wanted to keep the baby inside of her where it was going to be safe forever.

"Ok, my darling, you just sit down," said Shawn as he sat her down in their living room in front of the fireplace. She did not know how she had got up here from the market. She could guess he had been coaxing her and soothing her all the way but she did not remember it.

"I – Shawn, I can't do this –!"

"Of course you can – you have done this three times before, it is going to be like riding an old bicycle for you my darling, I promise!" he said as he tried to keep the two of them calm…

When he had heard her waters go, he had wanted to be anywhere else in the world or to call someone to come and help him. The truth was he was not feeling any calmer than she was – all he knew was he had to be the one to keep a lid on it.

He had gone into the room after she had had their precious little ones each and every time, but he had never been in there with her when the baby came into the world, which was why he was feeling panicked. He was used to seeing her after the hard work was done, all red-faced and glowing as she cradled a little bundle of new life…. this had never been his place. Until now… the fact of it was, he did not think both could panic about this and that was clearly where Caroline was in her own headspace. Therefore, he was the one who had to keep calm and get the two _– three -_ of them through this.

"No, Shawn I do not think –"

"Of course, you can," he said as he kissed her forehead and tried to take whatever strength he had and pore it into her. She was the one who needed it right then and he was not going to let her be defeated by fear when he needed her to be brave for him and more importantly, the baby.

She was not going to lose this baby. It was going to live. He was going to make sure of it for he could see her fear in his mind. It was also on his own but they had never lost one yet. They would not do so now.

He did not know a hell of a lot about this birthing business so if he was going to see them to safety, then he was going to need a bit of back up and he had to get her into the frame of mind where he was going to be able to go and call for that back up, or else it was going to get dangerous for all of them.

"Now, my love, I need you to be brave for me. I am going to go and call our mothers as well as the midwife-" for god knows his mother had had enough practice at all of this and she was going to want her own. "And I need to go and get some towels and water."

"No Shawn –"

"Yes, darling – I promise I won't be for long."

That was what he had heard people say he needed, though at that moment he was not sure why.

He was not a stupid man by any means however so he was sure he was going to work it out.

To keep himself cool for a moment that was just what he did. They were going to need the towels to wrap the wee one when it came, and they were going to need the water to wash him off.

He had no doubt that this one might not come out too clean and he had to be ready to see that. This was going to be a whole new experience for her as well as him but they were a team.

"But I do not want you to leave us – Shawn, we need you and I need you and I love you – and I am so sorry!" she said as she burst into tears.

She was so sorry for everything.

"Caroline, it is not quite your time yet and you did not know this was going to happen. You have nothing to be sorry for and I love you more than you know and it is all going to be ok," he swore to her for he would make it so. He would never understand why she had said sorry.

She stopped crying only when he had cupped her face and was made her meet his eye. The two of them had looked into one another's eyes more than once over the past few years. But this felt like the most important time, she thought as she looked at him through her own tear-filled eyes.

"You need to let me go for just a moment for I swear I am always going to come back to you."

She shook her head for she did not want him to go, but then she felt a contraction and it felt to her as if the baby was telling her she had to do this for the good of them both. If the baby was to have a chance, she had to start overlooking her own fear and think of the child first and foremost for that was what mattered to her most if of all.

"Go."

Once he had had her permission to leave, Shawn ran down into the market and made three phone calls. One to the doctors so that they were going to be able to have the duty midwife on call come out to them. A home birth was nothing out of the ordinary after all and she would not be fazed by any of this he thought to himself. But he bloody was.

He was terrified.

Then he called Caroline's mother and then his own.

He did not know if he had the strength in him which Caroline and the baby were going to need from him for them all to get through this night.

Therefore he knew before he went up he had to gather himself somewhat because god knows he had to find it.

He went outside for just a moment…

The one thing that Shawn thought as he went outside was that the baby had chosen a bloody cold night to come on and that worried him. The nightmare situation where no one came to help them flashed though his brain.

No. It was not going to happen, a stronger voice said. They were going to be fine.

It was time to go back up.

When he went upstairs he was glad to see the time on their own had not just done him good but also his wife. Whereas she had looked as if she was going to break down at any moment when he had gone, now she looked as if she was some sort of zone which was where she needed to be.

"I have called for the midwife and for our moms, so I do not think they are going to be too long in the coming now my darling – how are you doing?" he asked as he kissed her once more.

She nodded in answer to the question but the truth was, she had no words for how she was. She never did. "This is happening fast now – and I think I need to push." She said to him. She had not been this quick with any of the others she thought to herself but they had got successively so as she had gone along.

"Darling I think we need to wait for the midwife before you start to push!" he said to her but she shook her head.

"This little one is not going to hang about and needs to come into the world now. You're his dad, Shawn – you need to be a safe pair of hands for me." She said to him as their eyes met.

For just a moment there was silence in which she knew he was trying to work out if he was up to what she was asking and god only knew she was asking a lot of him and had been for a while now. But he was her Shawn and she knew he could do this.

It was as that thought cross her mind he nodded.

"You are going to have to guide me," he told her.

She did not know how she was ever meant to do that but she was the one who had been in this situation before, which was a damn sight more than what could be said for him.

"I can do that – you just need to keep me steady."

She thought back to Kimberly, Kayla, Roman – focusing on their births right then, or anything in fact, when she was trying to bring their wee brother or sister into the world was just about the hardest thing she had ever had to do - but between them she was sure they were going to be able to find a way.

She talked him through what she knew and that night, they reached a new level of intimacy which they would never speak of again after the deed was done.

"Keep steady – don't push yet!" he said to her as he tried to keep the room still for her.

The longer they got into the labour the more he recognised the animal need, which was taking over her body and that was the need for her to push. This baby wanted out but with the changing temperature and environment he knew it could not happen too quickly for the wee one.

"That is the way, that the way," he said as if he had any idea what he was doing but all he could see then was a black head of hair and that head of hair was what matter to him - and its mothers.

"That is my girl, you are doing so, so well," said Shawn as he waited with baited breathe to catch the child when it came into the world which was just what he did.

Very slowly, his son emerged and it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. It had been amazing and a privilege to see.

"Oh, it's a boy," he sighed. Another lad. He had had his hopes – though he did not care much as long as the wee one was healthy. But it was a boy.

Caroline did not think she had ever been so relieved as when she heard the little one scream.

All through her short labour, Caroline had wished she was anywhere but at home and if the truth was known, with anyone but Shawn. But as she saw his face she no longer did. Unlike all his siblings this new baby of hers had been born into his pops very safe pair of hands.

He broke her heart anew.

"It's a boy – oh, my Caroline, it's a boy," Shawn said tears run down his face and he passed her the baby.

So many dark thoughts had been going through her head about punishments and just desserts and now it seemed as if she did not have to worry about any of them as her baby was very much alive in her arms.

"Hello sweetheart," she sighed.

All then fears she had for their future melted away though.

Well, he was different to all the rest of them and there was going to be no getting away from it. While his complexion did favour that if his siblings he had a thick head of black hair.

"Straight from Galway," was Shawn's explanation for it, approving of his new son, ignorant of the facts as he was.

But it was a rather lovely piece of fiction which Caroline was more than willing to indulge in for the moment. "He reminds me of Roman when he was born," Shawn murmured.

Surely, he was the same as all his brother and sisters. She got the same rush of love when she held him as she had for all her first three. "I know he is not what we planned."

But now she did not even have to go on.

"None of the matters now he is here," Shawn said as he came close and held them. Tears streamed down both of their faces. They had a son. They had brought him into the world together and he was theirs.

"I wouldn't change any of this for the world. I am so proud of you," Shawn murmured. "Of you, both and I love you to distraction."

At one time or another all Caroline had been able to think of and feel when she had thought of this boy of her was a sign of her shame and she could now see how wrong that was and how right his father was. She too felt pride when she looked at the wee one.

"I will take you and I will love you all the same," she said to her child and knew it was the most unguarded which she would ever be when Shawn was so close.

But as it was he was far too emotional to ask her what she meant right then. All she knew was that she loved him and that was that.

He was their new baby and he would be treasured.

"I want you to be the one to name him." She said to her husband. When they had had the others they had had some rows over names.

But not this time. She was going to give Shawn every sense in the world to make this son of his entirely his own. Starting with his name.

It was in that moment that Shawn could hear the hammer of footsteps coming towards them and now they had survived all of this on their own, he wished he had not called for anyone for he was not sure if he was ready to share his wife and their brand new little baby with anyone and he knew if their mothers came into the room then he was definitely going to have to share them…

"Are you ready for this?" he asked Caroline and she nodded, her eyes lit with love for the new arrival.

"Duty midwife calling!" a voice said before she opened the door.

"I am afraid you are a little late!" laughed Shawn. His son mewled ink agreement.

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	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

Little Beauregard Aurelius Brady was christened by the end of November. Both his maternal and even his paternal grandparents questioned the name which their son and son in law had chosen for their new little grandchild, and both sets looked to Caroline to put her foot down in defence of the poor little one and say no – no, he could not be christened thusly.

But she did not. Shawn had brought this child into the world so he could name him as he chose.

And so Beauregard Aurelius he was christened.

Within the family, there continued to be a few raised eyebrows at the babies name in the weeks after his birth and Shawn's brother very unhelpfully commented that this must be the child which his brother liked the least, as he had given him such a hideous name but all in all, the christening went to plan, with Eric and Molly standing in as godparents.

When they got back to the market, Caroline could not say she wasn't glad of it, for she knew a christening was a public event and something which the church advertised. If Victor was ever going to appear then it was going to be then, but it did seem as if she had got through this too and she was going to have to start getting used to that fact.

Her marriage, which was most precious to her, had survived the last year.

The weeks after Bos births for Caroline was an endless round of feeing him and changing his nappy. Even though it was not long since she had had Kayla, she felt as if she had forgotten how lovely a newborn could be. That said, it did get harder and harder as she had more and more children to look after. She had a feeling she was at the end of the road when it came to having children. It was time for her to focus raising the ones she had had.

Before she knew the snow had arrived Salem.

It covered the ground and the roofs of the houses and it brought it back to how much she loved this time of year. It felt like a time to consolidate. And a time of year to draw a line under the past.

She had a family to focus on.

While the girls adored their brother, it did seem to her as if Bo's arrival had unsettled Roman and because of this, he had begun to cling to his dad. As much as he was a little man and his mother was sure would have said he wanted a little brother if he had been asked, now he had one it seemed to have uneasy him somewhat.

Neither of them was used to seeing their son cling to either of them and so, of course, Shawn was quick to reassure Roman and spend a little more time with him when he could. He took him out on the boat with him. As a result, Shawn did not get the chance to take the time with little Bo which Caroline had hoped he was going to in the first few weeks of his life, which seemed as if they were all important to her if they were going to bond together as father and son should.

Instead, she spent her time with Bo more than her husband did, not that she minded in the least.

He was her baby boy was one of the bright spots of her day and her life.

Not that she thought there were too many blemishes these days. She and Shawn were as happy as they had been in a long time and the children were well.

And it was going to be Christmas soon. And she loved Christmas. What possible reason would she have to be unhappy?

X x x

"Now I have to say," said Shawn's mother with a smile – "I always knew our Kayla was a sweetie, but she absolutely dotes on her baby brother by the looks of it," the ageing lady smiled as she watched the one-year-old hang around the crib.

If Bo had worried Roman, he had not at all disturbed the peace of Kayla's life. It was always a worry for Caroline to introduce one of her babies to one of those who had been the baby before them but Kayla had not had her nose put out of joint by Bo.

In fact, she had just loved him ever since he had turned up and their mother had a feeling these two were going to be close.

She was going to have a big pair and a little pair.

"Well, I do not think anyone is as in love with the new baby as Kayla – she has barely left his side since the two of them were introduced," said Caroline proudly as she looked at her mother, father and her in-laws.

It was the Sunday before Christmas and their turn to host lunch – due to their excitement to see the new arrival who was yet to lose his novelty value, it was a rare day anyone missed dinner at the market.

"Well that is good – I think she is going to be a tough cookie, so it is no bad thing to have her looking out for this little one," her mother said as she looked at her new grandson as she held him in her arms, having got him out the crib while the others were talking.

"He is going to be grateful." Caroline nodded.

"Yes – he is going to have his whole family to look out for him."

It was as she said those words the truth popped into his grandmother's mind for try as she might she could not forget it even though she wanted to.

And she wished she was able to hide it more on her face because as she looked at her daughter she knew Caroline had seen it.

As time went on through the day she was not sure if she had meant anything at the time or if the words had just gained significance at s time went on, but either way, it was quite clear those words had unsettled her daughter which she did not want them to do.

She knew Caroline was having a tough time living with her guilt and was truly sorry for what she had done.

But that did not seem to sink in with her daughter at all. Through the meal Caroline barely looked at her and would not engage in conversation, giving short answers to any questions which her mother asked or found a reason to need to pay attention to the children instead.

Eventually, Caroline's mother found a moment to talk to her when her daughter was taking a breath of air. But she had barely had a chance to explain herself at all when Caroline jumped in.

"Mama – I love you. And I did wrong. But the baby is here now and it is time for this to stop." It was no longer about the father of her baby but it was about her baby.

Bo was always going to be one of the five most important people in her life and if her mother was not going to accept that, then it was time for another far more important break to happen than the one she had had with Victor.

"You are very high and mighty for a woman who has got away with what you have my girl." She had not wanted to have a go at her daughter but when it was clear to her that she was on the attack she was not just going to stand there and let her daughter abuse her when she was in the wrong.

"Oh, is that what you think has happened here? That I have got away with my betrayal of Shawn because if it then I have got news for you mother. I know what I have done – the very great harm I have done to my family. I know for the rest of my life I am going to be living on a shifting sand, which could go one way or the other. And I am most likely not going to get a chance to save my family should it come crashing down."

There was a chance it could at any instant.

And then there was the haunting thought that someone might have seen her and Victor together. That one day when they were feeling spiteful or vindictive they were going to see to it that her whole life fell down around her and there would be nothing she could do to stop it.

"Well the way you are going on I am not sure if you are going to believe this even though I am telling you it - I am not going to be the one to bring it down," her mother said as she cupped her face. "I meant nothing by it and I love you."

Her daughter looked as if she wanted nothing more than to through herself in her arms but could not allow herself that.

"I love you too."

And with that, she went back inside…

Caroline was soon washing up after the words she had had with her mother and the lord only knew she did have to stop being on the defensive so much of the time, for this was no way to live and it was no good for herself or her kids.

She turned as her name was called and she saw her mother in law there.

"Ae you ok my dear?"

It was clear she was referring to what had gone on between her and her mom. There was not a lot which got past Ma Brady.

"Something of nothing," Caroline lied. "Just emotions running high what with the baby."

"Ahhh well there is a lot going on ducky. Do try not to worry so – it is all going to be ok."

"I know," but she had to say she was glad to hear someone else say it. Shawn's mother was so wonderfully maternal which was a gift when things were less than wonderful with her own.

"And you are such a lovely mother. I know I may have already mentioned it once or twice, but that little Bo really is a smasher, I could eat him whole. And if you do not mind me saying he does look so like my Shawn when he was young."

It could not be but it was another lovely bit of fiction which calmed Caroline.

She took her mother in laws hands and smiled softly. "I do not mind in the least."

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	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

Christmas Eve night, Caroline's mother came to baby sit.

Since the two of them had had their words, she had said and done very little to which Caroline could give hint to her past or to the affair. Caroline felt as if she had got through to her which was a good feeling she had to say.

She could move on with her life.

When the kids had all been a little bit younger, she and Shawn had taken them to midnight mass but they were beginning to be of an age when they were not going to sleep through it and the result was they found less enjoyment in Christmas day. And as a result so did their parents.

Therefore, when Shawn's parents had said they were going to go in the morning and they had volunteered to take their grandchildren with them to worship, they had taken them up on the offer. The young married couple could go to the mass of their choice, without worrying that it was going to upset the balance of the family when the next day come.

The only child which they took with them was baby Bo.

Just as his elder siblings had before him, he slept through the mass for his parents and it was nice to have one of their little ones with them, Caroline thought.

She sat in the pew with her husband at her side and her son in her arms and there was a sense of peace which she had all about her…

It was Christmas… and she intended it to be a good one.

X x x

And it was. The children had as many presents as they had been able to afford for them each, which was not many but when their grandparents and uncle and aunt arrived, Roman, Kimberly and Kayla showed them off as if they had been given the crown jewels for Christmas and they played with them all day long.

The dinner was cooked between Caroline, her mother and her mother in law, 'to perfection' in Shawn's words and enjoyed by all.

There was going to be some cold meat in the market for days to come but not much of anything else. The potatoes went first.

After dinner the entire family settled down to some card games, Kim and Kayla sitting on a grand mothers lap each and Roman playing with Shawn while Caroline sat out and enjoyed the peace. Just watching the family play together was always going to be a joy to her she thought.

Always.

x x x

With the New Year approaching, Caroline found herself down in the shop for just a moment.

She had just been down to talk to Shawn who was working the counter that night when she saw two young girls walk in.

"And he says we are going to go to dinner and go dancing – I can't wait."

"But Minnie what are your mother and father going to say about it all?" her friend asked earnestly.

"Well not very much I do not think – it is not as if they are going to know."

The thought of Kayla or Kimberly talking of her thusly haunted Caroline – she could not imagine Molly talking of Ma and Pa Brady that way and she knew she had not.

She wondered what made a girl like that. but then she had heard a little rebelling was healthy in the young.

She wasn't so sure.

"In my opinion. I do not know if it is ever wise to go out with a boy you cannot tell your parents about." Part of her knew she should keep her mouth shut but this was her shop and so to an extent she had every right to speak as she did. This was her market.

And they were young girls.

She did not want them in above their heads.

"Of but he is so lovely Mrs Brady – and if I don't go then I think I am going to miss my chance all together with him," and it was clear Minnie, young and pretty as she was did not want to do that.

"All the same –"

"He is not going to be in town for long and I am young, free and single. If a handsome business man from across the shores wants to spoil me for a moment then I am sure I can let him do that."

At first what the girls had said had made Caroline feel numb and she was not sure if she was ever going to feel again… but as time went on she knew she was feeling again. She knew the two of them were talking to her but she felt as if she had gone into a trance for she did not need to know anymore.

 **She knew.**

x x x

There were so many emotions in her when she heard Victor was back. She had heard it as a whisper at first but then confirmation came.

Anxiety, excitement, terror but more than anything just an overwhelming need to hide Bo from him.

He must never hurt her boy.

x x x

She had no doubt when she had heard he was back in town that she was going to get a visit.

She was right.

X x x

This was not the end to the Christmas season which Caroline had wanted, she thought as she saw Victor outside her shop and it was the last end to the year she wanted.

It had seemed to her as if she was putting everything that had happened with Victor behind her. And as such, she just wanted to carry on doing so.

But now the two of them were standing facing each other, her having seen him through the window of the market and there she had stood in silence, not stopping him coming in even when she knew she should, if only to plead for _his_ silence.

"I do not know what you want me to say to you." Caroline said as she stood in the market. She could recall a time not so long ago when she had longed to see him here.

It was all different now.

"I could suggest hello," he said to her but he knew he was not going to get that. And the pleasantries were not that important.

No, there was only one thing that he really wanted.

"I want you to say Bo is my son," it was clear by the way he said it if it as up to him the baby would not have that name. But it was not up to him, it was up to Shawn.

"How do you know about my son?"

"Does it matter now?" he asked. He knew and that was the bottom line.

"I guess not." she did not pause before declaring confidently, "You know as well as I do the boy is a Brady. That was the whole story."

That was all of it.

"But it is not, is it? I have 'the whole story' and I have done the maths."

"Shawn is my husband."

"And you barely saw him then." The two of them had seen a lot of each other.

The truth was she knew as well as he did whose blood was in the boys veins. But it did not only matter that Victor's was there, it also mattered more than she was able to say that he shared blood with his two big sisters and his big brother as well.

"But I see him now. And I can see him so much better than I ever have before…"

She hoped she did not have to say she loved him more for it.

Victor on the other hand just felt more and more frustrated. Not so long ago she was malleable to him. But now she was not.

"You know all it is going to take from me is one word and your family us going to be blown apart."

He could do it he thought to himself - it would not even be hard. Shawn was such a proud man; he was never going to stand for a wife who was unfaithful.

Then she was going to be cast out with her baby and she was going to have to come to him and accept his help. Then they could be a family and it would be like it was meant to be.

He could do it.

It seemed for a moment as if he had been able to see it all but now he was back in the room. And the woman he loved was before him. She looked as if she was stealing herself.

She knew there was nothing not do or say.

"I know that to be the truth. And I ask you not too, if only for the sake of my children." She said as she shook a little, "but I am not going to beg."

She did not know if she was being a fool to put her pride before her family but she would not grovel.

Not too him.

And he knew even then he was not going to do it…

He couldn't do it to her.

He swallowed.

That was when he could hear a cry from a baby above. That was his baby.

But it could never be.

They would never be.

And if he could hold his son he would but he could not.

For a moment he considered what he was going to say and he considered how much his pride was worth.

"I do love you – more than you love me, I think."

Whatever she had thought he was going to say, she had not thought he was going to speak of the love which was between them…

"I do love you as well. So very much. But I love my family more."

And there was her bottom line. It was always going to be her family above him. It was time to accept that. And he thought he did, he could tell himself. That it was her kids she loved more than him.

Not Shawn.

Shawn was the one he could not accept.

There was all of it.

Even though he knew it was a lie.

"So that is it, is it?" he asked.

She did not have to think twice before nodding.

"That is all of it."

He nodded in understanding. "Then I will go – I swear I will. But first you must do something."

"What is that?"

"Nod – just nod your head if what I think to be true is."

He could go if he had to. But if he went he did so want to carry the truth with him – he would not do anything with it, even when he could. He just wanted the truth.

But she did not move and he felt hate rise within him for the very first time.

He had thought she was a lot of things but he never would have called Caroline Brady a coward.

Victor Kiriakis turned and headed for the door.

"Victor."

She had spoken just as he had put his hand on the door handle and he turned to the sound of her utterly broken voice.

Very, very slowly her head went up and down – just twice but it was enough.

He felt an enormous relief, a weight lifted off of him. He had lost her that terrible night but something good had come of their love and it was going to withstand the test of time.

He had a son. He had a son.

He beamed back at her, even as she seemed ready to sink to her knees and cry with the weight of what had happened.

There was nothing more to say… he walked over to her and looked her straight in the eye. And then he pushed back her hair and kissed her forehead. For what he knew would be the last time in a long time.

And then he walked out of the Brady fish market, out into the rain, and down the street and he did not look back.

 _ **Fin.**_

The past is the past. Things are the way they are. And tomorrow is a brand new day _– Shawn Brady_

I have found if you sort of try to listen to yourself, if you go deep inside and try to find out what your heart is telling you… you seldom make a mistake – _Caroline Brady_


End file.
